okay, BUMP/UPDATE--
i unplugged my fuel pump from the rest of the wiring, and my main relay somewhat acted normally. It buzzed, but only for an instant; after that instant, it acted completely normal. You could hear the click and my CEL in the dashboard would turn off.
Does this mean that there is a short between the main relay and the fuel pump? only due to the fact that i removed it from the equation and part of the odd behaviour went away.