Young Marriage

[Kevykev]

I think it's funny how i see a lot of young people 18-22 23+ etc. age group getting together, moving out, living together, marriage, having kids etc.*

*Usually* that age group still has a lack of stability, maturity etc. Yet they still choose inherit more responsibilities, ultimately making their lives more stressful, then in turn that stress falls back on the relationship...and you know where it goes from there.

Although it works out sometimes, most of the time you see these kids right back at home with their parents worse of then when they initially moved out.

I'm sure you also know a victim of young marriage, if it IS you, well, ummm yeah...

that's all, just a quick thought.

discuss?

*(which ever comes first, can also be a combination of the few listed)

[Hulud]

i think they shouldve thought it out more and not rushed into it.

[chuck]

maybe if they have known each other and dated each other for a decent amount of time as well as other people...i never understood anyone of any age getting married after dating only like 6 months or something, but it happens and sometimes lasts...

but no matter how long or how young or old, i think marriage overall has lost its true structure and reasonings, since the start of 2000, 3 out of 5 marriages in the US have failed

[quickdodge®]

Great topic, however this really be in the CIVIL TALK section as it isn't a political discussion. Later, QD.

[Kevykev]

civil talk oh yeah, well the Gay topic gave this section more publicity so hey..

well it still can be related to political aspect, being that the rising divorce rate can be caused by finacial hardships enflicted by the economy?

[quickdodge®]

Lolol. Later, QD.

[blacknightteg]

my sister n here husband were together since junior year in high school and got married after they graduated college at 24 is that to young?

[Kevykev]

my sister n here husband were together since junior year in high school and got married after they graduated college at 24 is that to young?

what i mean by too young is not neccessarily a specific age, i just used that age range as an example. I mean young as in irresponsible, immature, unstable or a combination of the few etc.

I hope your sis and her husband grow old together

[Hulud]

YES!!!!!
NO ONE SHOULD GET MARRIED UNTIL YOUR 78!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Kevykev]

YES!!!!!
NO ONE SHOULD GET MARRIED UNTIL YOUR 78!!!!!!!!!!!!!

baaaaaaaaaahahahaaaaa

[chuck]

my brother and his gf dated from their sophomore year of hs until their junior year of college. they never dated anyone else and swore that they were going to get married, did the whole promise ring crap and all...i told them both the whole time that they really should see other people, and they were just like "well we are happy, can't you be happy for us", my brother went off to germany a whole summer, at first they would call each other and everything but eventually they decided to take a break, they've both gone on and are dating other people and realize that they were better off apart.

i think the biggest mistake people make is settling for "ok" and not really seeing everything there really is to offer.

[blacknightteg]

my parents got married when they were bout the same age as my sister n her husband n they have been married for 31 years

[Kevykev]

my parents got married when they were bout the same age as my sister n her husband n they have been married for 31 years

I feel like back then, it was easier to maintain a healty traditional marriage (on Average). Less distractions.

[blacknightteg]

true. thats prolly right, the funny thing is, when i have friends over n what not, there always like holy shit, your parents still actually love each other lol

[Kevykev]

Changes in American Society, what can i say. You got people having problems because they found their spouse sending flirtatious e-mails to some other person online.

Temptations are so much more accessible than they were back then, and with the dieing support for marriage, you get people that will not even try to work things out.

But hey, no big deal, just a trend that i felt like starting a discussion on.

I BLAME IT ON TECHNOLOGY!!!

[blacknightteg]

lol aint it the truth, my parents are like, only reason we even have a computer is to email, fuck everything else except for that and bill paying on line lol

[ISAtlanta300]

I've met a lot of divorcees with kids who are about 30, who have gotten married when they were in their early 20's and even mid to late teens.

The majority of guys and girls who marry that young are truly misguided IMO. They want the freedom to live from their parents and think that marriage means a steady poon every night and easy life.

..that is untill the real world hits them with bills.

That does not mean that some do make it. But it takes a lot more than "liking" each other and the physical to make a marriage work. And that is where the maturity conflict kicks in.

[Leisa]

I agree... I got married when I was 22, 9 months later I gave birth to my daughter, and 2 yrs after that I gave birth to my son.... I thought I was happy, in love, yada yada... but figured out we both wanted two different things in life... I wanted the perfect marriage, husband,kids, home,dog... and he wanted more females in his life (other than me and his daughter..lol)... so 7 yrs later divorced.... over 4 yrs later I met Brett.. if only he would have been my first husband... damn! The things you learn

[Boneswiss]

I am 23 and got married this past sept... We had dated about 2 years before hand.. I had dated a too many ppl b4 hand. But once we meet I knew she was the one... Anyways I really think it depends on the two ppl. It can't be blamed on just one thing. There's always more reasons for a split than just one...

[Dragonfly5338]

my li'l bro is 21 and getting married to his g/f of a year because they're both hardcore christians (nothing against that) and they want to screw. props to them, i guess.

[Jaimecbr900]

I dated my wife for 6 yrs before we got married. We've been together for 18yrs so far. We were high school sweethearts. We have two young children.

With that said, I agree that getting married young is most of the time a recipe for disaster. Maturity has a big role in that. Finances have a huge role in that. Lack of experience has a role in that. Kev hit it right on the head. Young couples get caught up in all the hormonal bliss that they forget that intensity goes away and you eventually settle down into a married life. That means responsabilities, bills, open discussion, etc... Most young couples find themselves in a rut very quickly and since it's so popular to divorce first and work out problems later, that's what they end up doing. It's a shame. Most marital problems have a resolution as long as BOTH people are willing to work at it.

My wife and I have seen some really really dark days. We are completely different people today. We have different priorities and live differently. We were once a single stroke of a pen away from divorce ourselves. I'm glad we worked it out though.

I tell my daughter she's not getting married until she's atleast 25.

[Kevykev]

^ well put, Now, there are young couples out there with their heads straight. They are very mature, have financial and moral support and are truly in love; much props to them (it definately depends on the two individuals). It just bothers me when i see a couple arguing violently after a party then three months later i hear, "Guess who's getting married next week" -that's just one example

At least twice a week i hear the phrase "So, when are you and Traci getting married." We have a very great relationship, have a lot in common, we communicate well etc. our arguements never get heated (but that mainly because of my reasoning)

The answer is always "Not right now"

[Jaimecbr900]

Divorce is such a big part of most people's vocabulary that they prepare for that rather than a future with someone. I've seen many couples that do just that. Always talking about how WHEN we get divorced this WHEN we get divorced that......not even a little IF in there.

If couples had truly open channels of communication, a lot of divorces would be avoided. My wife asks me all the time, "how can married couples NOT be able to talk about ________ " (fill in the blank cause anything could be fit there). It's crazy cause we talk very very direct about everything. Sometimes too direct. Once things are out on the table, it's easier work with them. I have seen very small and simple misunderstandings lead to divorces because the couple was too hard headed to talk about it.

[Kevykev]

^ sounds like your marriage will continue to be fruitful.


that's probaby the only chance this year that i will get to use the word "Fruitful"

[SLOWR/T]

i have a friend the got married when he was 20...... it lasted a year. another friend is in the marines just got married he and his wife are both 18 (stupid!!!!) and for the best one. a friend of mine just met this girl last dec. dated for 2 monthes and she turned up pregnant and before i go on let me just tell you what he had: and 2002 blazer extreme w/ 20's, a loud as system (not sure what it was but it was loud) and just order airbags. with that said he sold EVERYTHING just to be able to have a somewhat nice wedding. he just turned 21 and his wife is 19 or 20. they both live at home still and financially not ready for this. it is stupid to get married before 25 and thats even early IMHO.

[Jaimecbr900]

What a lot of young people, and some old for that matter, don't realize is that it takes a lot more than just feelings to make a marriage work. There are plenty of divorced couples that still care for each other but are still divorced. So, feelings is not the only ingredient to make a succesful marriage.

Honest communication goes a long way to letting that happen.

Being responsible financially also helps.

Being mature also has to be there.

Getting married is easy. Staying married is the hard part. Kinda like running your own business. Any yinyang can pay the little bit of money it takes to register a name with the State and suddenly become a "business". The real measure of success is not merely opening a shop.....it's keeping one open for a long time. Same with a marriage. People think, much like with children, that getting married is suddenly going to transform them from child to adult. WRONG!!!! I know plenty of adults that have never been married. It's not a right of passage. If people go into it with the wrong ideas, they'll only get the same in return. Trash in= Trash out.

[SLOWR/T]

^^well put^^

[4dmin]

i got married last year and personally i think it has been a piece of cake, but then again we were together about 6 years, 2 of them engaged, we've lived together for alittle over 2.5years...

i know tons of people that i can't see married but are, or are going to.... i'm sure they will be adding to the #'s. word of advise, if you are in one of those break up make up BS realationships ITS NOT GOING TO WORK.

whats funnier than young marriage; is the female "I'M IN MY MID/LATE 20's AND NOT MARRIED"; so they go and married the guy they've been dating for 6 months or worse get pregnated

[Kevykev]

What a lot of young people, and some old for that matter, don't realize is that it takes a lot more than just feelings to make a marriage work. There are plenty of divorced couples that still care for each other but are still divorced. So, feelings is not the only ingredient to make a succesful marriage.

Honest communication goes a long way to letting that happen.

Being responsible financially also helps.

Being mature also has to be there.

Getting married is easy. Staying married is the hard part. Kinda like running your own business. Any yinyang can pay the little bit of money it takes to register a name with the State and suddenly become a "business". The real measure of success is not merely opening a shop.....it's keeping one open for a long time. Same with a marriage. People think, much like with children, that getting married is suddenly going to transform them from child to adult. WRONG!!!! I know plenty of adults that have never been married. It's not a right of passage. If people go into it with the wrong ideas, they'll only get the same in return. Trash in= Trash out.

sounds like truth to me, well said!

Paul, it's good that you two have an established foundation. That's the reciepe for success!

[Andyturbo13]

Ive been married for about a year and a half now, and it been great i love my wife we have a great relationship. With that said, sometimes we argue and have are disagremints but they never last long. I was 20 she was 19 when we got married we had been dated for about 3 and a half years. We knew it was going to be hard nothing in life is easy, just make sure you talk things though before you start using the D word things just go down hill from there.

Some kids to day are getting married for all the wrong reasons the main one being that they got there girlfriends pregnant. I think and this my kids need slow down they what to grow up to fast. Kids are starting to have sex younger and younger. I know a girl that had sex when she was 13 and when i heard that it just made me sick. When i asked her why she told me "well everyone does it and he said he liked me". Kids are getting to where they think its ok to have sex and its not.

[blacknightteg]

that is like the number one bad thing....a guy saying that they like the gurl, jus to do them..and then after that, like nothing is ever the same again

[Bajjani]

Yea, having sex at 13? WTF is that...thats god awful nasty and if I had a little brother/sister (I'm the youngest) I'd tell them to wait. I waited til I was 17 to lose mine and I don't care, it didn't make me less of a person cause I didn't go bang the first chick who wanted to. I actually cared about the girl I lost mine to and it was both our first times, I didn't expect to last a long time but at least I knew we would still be close and could talk to each other about anything whenever.

As for marriage. I think the worst time to get married is college or the first year or two after unless you already have your life on track. I agree with almost everything being said except for the age part. I don't think it matters so much on age, but like many have said, the couple and communication. I think the funniest thing is when both are stubborn and neither wants to admit to being wrong. If I thought to myself that an argument over smoething stupid could break my marriage, I'd think long and hard to myself whats more important, being with the person i said I would spend my life with, or being right and losing her. People don't always weigh that decision I think and they are set on having to be right. Being right doesn't mean you win though. I think you should wait until after college because to much goes on in college that it would just be even more unwanted stress. I don't think I could ever seeing myself getting married if I wasn't at least with the girl 1-2 years. If I truely think that shes the one then we should be able to make it those 1-2 years w/o being married if we think we can spend our lives together while married. I dunno, thats my .02