Below is a piece I wrote for an upcoming feature for an online forum It is strictly freestyle and all my thoughts and words.

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Rice?

There are two age old questions that have plagued historians for many years. One being the ever popular: Which came first; the chicken or the egg? Another timeless query brings me to the subject at hand.

What IS the definition of rice? Well? Well besides it being the main staple of Asian food culture and a harmless projectile aimed solely for a bride and groom at their wedding, rice is a well known description of a car that is tasteless, done without any regards to the respect of other people's eyesight or done with thanks to Manny, Moe and Jack. Rice covers a broad range of definitons from functionality to just plain ugly. People will argue that if it serves no purpose, then it's rice. Others offer up that anything gotten while you were "in the Zone" is a complete defamation of your car and is rice-a-rific. I myself don't really use the term rice on cars. It's either just plain ugly or it looks good.

I find myself laughing at the contradictory lifestyle some tuners live. I watched a thread grow about the possible riceness of carbon fiber products. You put carbon fiber on your car because you want to decrease weight of the car for better times at the strip. It serves it's purpose. Does it really? Yes it does. But then you turn around and defeat that purpose by adding a full body kit or full trunk stereo or the latest fad.......a bike rack. With a surfboard on it. Huh? Weight reduction doesn't count if you go to another part of the car and throw something on it; thus adding back the pounds you just took off. It reminds me of someone going to McDonald's and ordering a Big Mac and large fries. When asked what to drink, the customer replies with, "A medium Diet Coke. I'm trying to lose weight." The hail??

Stickers add 50HP. Especially the red ones. Yeah. Why would you fill your car up with stickers of products that are on your car? You want to support the company is your answer? Damn. Did you not support them enough with your check or debit card purchase of $400 for that exhaust? Or that carbon fiber hood? Or that bike rack? Now you're giving them free advertisement that they pay $100s of dollars for in magazines. And more people are more likely to see your sticker than the ad in the magazine.

Rice, to me, is NOT a state of mind. It is a contagious disease among sheep. Person A adds a Wings West body kit to their car and shows it to Persons B, C, D, E and F. Next week, they have also installed WW kits on their cars and show it to their friends. Now you have the whole alphabet sporting Wings West body kits. And carbon fiber door sills for weight loss. And a Wings West sticker for product support.

All in all, the term rice will probably never be specifically defined as it is solely based on the opinions of everyone involved. I think Bill Clinton said it best when he replied with:

"You know.....people will be analyzing that for years to come."

Until my next old timer's outburst, have a good evening.

There you go. Later, QD.