Top Ten Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Jesus
10. No one will kill you for not drinking beer.
9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.
8. Beer has never caused a major war.
7. They don't force beer on minors who can't think for themselves.
6. When you have beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.
5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured to death over his brand of beer.
4. You don't have to wait 2,000+ years for a second beer.
3. There are laws saying that beer labels can't lie to you.
2. You can prove you have a beer.
1. If you have devoted your life to beer, there are groups to help you stop.



A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street, and an 8 year old boy is walking on the other side, and the priest says "Let's fuck that little boy" and the rabbi says "Out of what?"



Why aren't there many woman philosophers?
Cause there's no philosophy in the kitchen.



What is a woman doing when she is staring at a blank piece of paper?
Reading her rights.



What walks in circles and cries?
A baby with its foot nailed to the floor.



Whats red and bubbly and scratches at glass?
A baby in a microwave

What’s the difference between a black man, and a large pizza?
A pizza can feet a family of four.

What do you call a line of Mexicans holding hands?
Spicket fence

How are a blonde and a screen door similar?
The more you slam them the looser it gets


What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a bag of dead babies?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage

How do you hide 100 bucks from a black man?
Put it under his work boots



Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.

Q: Why did France ban fireworks at Euro Disney?
A: Last night's display caused soldiers at a nearby French army garrison to surrender.

Q: How do you get France involved in a war with Iraq?
A: You must first convince them that Saddam is hiding fields of truffles.

Q: What do you call a group of 100,000 Frenchman with their hands in the air?
A: The French Army

Q: How many French men does it take to defend Paris?
A: Nobody knows, no French man has ever tried.

Q: Why does the new French Navy have glass bottom boats?
A: So they can see the old French Navy....

Q: How can you recognize a French veteran?
A: Sunburned armpits.

Q: Did you hear about the old French rifles for sale on Ebay?
A: Never been fired, dropped only once.

Q: How many gears in a French tank?
A: Six: five reverse and one forward, in case they are attacked from behind.



What's the difference between black people and tires?
When you put chains on tires, they don't start singing.

How does a redneck know when his daughter's on her period?
His son's dick tastes funny.

What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe?
A canoe tips.

What happens when a Cuban gets a flat tire?
He drowns.



Top 10 Reasons Why Beer is better than Mohammed (just to be fair)
10. Beer lets you have beer. Mohammed won't.
9. Beer's never caused several major wars.
8. They don't force beer on minors that can't think for themselves.
7. When you have beer you don't go into cafes and blow them up.
6. Nobody’s ever been stoned to death because she refused to wear her beer helmet.
5. No woman ever been shot while running out of a burning building without her beer hat on
4. There are laws saying that beer labels can't lie to you.
3. Beer's not full of shit
2. After too many beers mindless shouting is ignored; not mandated 5 times a day.
1. Beer's never decapitated an innocent child.