tuesday 4:56pm funnies..
got these in an email.. some are funny some aren't..
>One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.
>Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,"What
>setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What
>does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma." And
>they say blondes are dumb...
>
>------------------------------------------------------------
>
>A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the
>happiest woman in the world." The woman says, "I'll miss you..."
>
>------------------------------------------------------------
>
>"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack said as he stepped out of
>the shower, "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed
>the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she
>replied.
>
>------------------------------------------------------------
>
>He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
>She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror
>
>------------------------------------------------------------
>
>Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
>A: A rumor
>
>------------------------------------------------------------
>
>A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding
>anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that
>because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.
>
>The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh!
>Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
>
>The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
>Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
>
>Gotta love that fairy!
>
>------------------------------------------------------------
>
>A PRAYER....
>
>Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
>Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods.
>Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
>
>AMEN
>
>------------------------------------------------------------
>
>Q: Why do little boys whine?
>A: They are practicing to be men.
>
>Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
>A: Trustworthy.
>
>Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and
>calling your name?
>A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
>
>Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
>A: Because not one will stop and ask directions.
>
>Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
>A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
>
>Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
>A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
>
>Q: What is the difference between men and women?
>A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman
>to satisfy his one need.
>
>Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
>A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
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Originally Posted by Halfwit
