funnies

[Chuckster]

some jokes i have read. Thought i would share it with ia
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A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same : "You can have mine."
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A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said," Dad! I've found a woman just like mother"
His father replied, "So what do you want? sympathy?"
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Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
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I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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How do most men define marriage?
An expensive way to get your laundry done free.
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A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not
saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard
of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
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A husband read an article to his wife about how many words
women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied,
"The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to
men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
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A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. "The wife
responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you
would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to
you!
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A man and his wife were having an argument about who should
brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and
then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The
husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you
should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the
Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe
that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New
Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it
indeed says.........."HEBREWS"
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A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He
answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs
him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a
huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some
tampons for your wife? He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I
sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and
she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's
sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my
own ............. so does she.

[Chuckster]

and the best for last
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There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.
Every time they made love the husband always insisted on turning off the light.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.
She looked down... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leasure device... a vibrator!
Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic.
"You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years?
You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids."

[5thgcelica]

^^ lol. daaammnn that'd stuck.