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Thread: actual court exchanges

  1. #1
    Duck of Death ShooterMcGavin's Avatar
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    Talking actual court exchanges

    These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and
    are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and
    now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm
    while these exchanges were actually taking place.

    ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

    WITNESS: July 18th.

    ATTORNEY: What year?

    WITNESS: Every year.
    _____________________________________

    ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

    WITNESS: Yes.

    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

    WITNESS: I forget.

    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

    _____________________________________

    ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

    WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

    ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?

    WITNESS: Forty-five years.

    ____________________________________

    ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

    WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

    ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

    WITNESS: My name is Susan.

    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

    WITNESS: We both do.

    ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

    WITNESS: We do.

    ATTORNEY: You do?

    WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

    _____________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
    sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

    ___________________________________
    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

    WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.

    ________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

    WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?

    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

    WITNESS: Yes.

    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

    WITNESS: Uh....

    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

    WITNESS: Yes.

    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

    WITNESS: None.

    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

    WITNESS: By death.

    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
    notice which I sent to your attorney?
    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
    people?

    WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
    to?

    WITNESS: Oral.
    __________________________________________________ ______________

    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

    WITNESS: The autopsy started a round 8:30 p.m.

    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

    WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
    autopsy on him!

    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

    WITNESS: Huh?

    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
    pulse?

    WITNESS: No.

    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

    WITNESS: No.

    ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?

    WITNESS: No.

    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
    began the autopsy?

    WITNESS: No.

    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

    ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
    practicing law.

    _____

  2. #2
    Douchebag Ed's Avatar
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    i lol'ed but i dont think this really happened.

  3. #3
    I miss Atlanta. Sol-Badguy's Avatar
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    HAHAHA!

    LIRL AT GUCCI

  4. #4
    God Loves Tits & Jailbait God's Avatar
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    the ones between the drs and lawyers are the best

  5. #5
    I'm a motherfucker! Evil Goat's Avatar
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    i found this much funnier...

    Quote Originally Posted by shagwAg3n
    -2001 Lexus IS300
    -2004 Pontiac GTO - 530hp/625ft lbs - 10.62@130mph - Sold!

    Quote Originally Posted by Echonova View Post
    I got five on it, that if this guy ever does meet Evil Goat he shits his pants and says nothing.

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