Bush's resume, el oh el
RESUMÉ
George W. Bush
The White House, USA
EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:
· COLLEGE: I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.
MILITARY:
· I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.
CRIMINAL HISTORY
· I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available.
WORK EXPERIENCE:
· I ran for US Congress – and lost.
· I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
· I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using tax payer money.
· With the help of my father and our right-wing friends in the oil industry (including Enron’s CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR:
· I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union.
· During my tenure as Governor, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.
· I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.
· During my tenure as governor, more executions were performed than for any governor in American history.
· With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
· I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.
· I spent the US surplus and effectively bankrupted the US Treasury. I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in US history.
· I set an economic record for the most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.
· I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the US stock market.
· I am the first President in US history to enter office with a criminal record.
· I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in anyone-year period.
· After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in US history.
· I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD (Weapon of Mass Destruction).
· In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq, and then blamed the lies on our British friends.
· I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a US President.
· In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.
· I presided over the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
· I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any President in US history.
· I set the record for least number of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.
· I presided over the biggest energy crisis in US history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.
· I presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history.
· I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families -- in wartime.
· I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.
· I've broken more international treaties than any President in US history.
· I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.
· I am the first President in US history to order an unprovoked, preemptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of US citizens, and the world community.
· I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.
· I am the first President in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the Human Rights Commission.
· I withdrew the US from the World Court of Law.
· I refused to allow inspector's access to US "prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
· I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US election).
· I am the all-time US and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.
· My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, is Kenneth Lay, who presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in US history. My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the US Supreme Court decision during my election. I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history.
· I garnered the most sympathy for the US after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the US the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.
· I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.
· I changed the US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
· I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein to justice.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
· All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.
· All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
· All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-president, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.
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Originally Posted by sullen
