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just cause a girl goes to a strip club doesnt mean anything.Quote:
Originally Posted by SLOWLYbtngU
I mean if you are secure in your manhood an you trust your girl, then nothing really matters.
My girlfriend has guy friends, but i trust her, i dont get jealous.
I have had a couple of the guys in Gecko think I am weird cuz of that too though. I guess I am not weirded out when they(the guys I date) question it, b/c I am so used to hearing it from the guys(gecko)Quote:
Originally Posted by Batlground
I totally agree with you! :goodjob: You're Da Man!!! :goodjob:
You're dating some scrubs I gotta say.Quote:
Originally Posted by SLOWLYbtngU
A) These days I don't see why it would be wrong for the people to split bills 50/50. The first couple of dates, the guy pays and thats cool. But after that, why should he always front the bill? Relationships should be about give and take and mutual reciprocation. If the chick guaruntees some dome after dinner, thats one thing. But who knows these days?
B) If you go to the strip club and can appreciate the hot strippers, and some guy finds something wrong with that, hes gotta have a few screws lose. Though I suppose if you were getting really into and serious and what not it might make a difference. But, if you're just chilling having a good time, what kind of dumbass would look down on that?
:goodjob:Quote:
Originally Posted by ironchef
I agree on both sections...
lol:lmfao:Quote:
Originally Posted by Julio
That because some of the dudes you date are not secure with themselves, i would jump at the chance to date someone who goes to the strip club, i know when i lay the pipe game down and treat her like she needs to be treated she will be back, so if you wanted to go to the nudie bar go right ahead, just bring home some of those pole tricks, hahahaQuote:
Originally Posted by SLOWLYbtngU
Quote:
Originally Posted by SLOWLYbtngU
If They Couldnt Afford To Take Care Of Dinner, What Makes You Think The Strip Club Is An Option? "Damn Baby, I Got One 10 Left. Wanna Split A Dance?" :thinking:
:lmfao:
2 Drink Minimum Means: Four Drink for 2 People... Not 1 Drink For 2 People!
:lmfao:
Quote:
Originally Posted by tippatone
:goodjob:
Lol... No get it right, It isnt "this is my last $10 lets split a dance," it's "lemme sit next to you and you can enjoy MY dance." :wtf: Can I get my own??? He will never be ale to go with us again....Ever :no:Quote:
Originally Posted by Scrilla
Damn, SLOWLY......What I can say to add on to what the other wise men have said is that in some instances a guy wants to feel needed and by him paying for things he gets that. You may not need to depend on him and can handle everything on your own, but when you just handle and pay for everything on your own thats where the whole why am i with you if you are so independent comes into play. Because some guys feel like you don't need them, and they don't know how to handle your emotional needs without handling your financial needs too in some way.
I was with a older woman and I had to learn how to deal with a woman that made a hell of a lot more money than me. And it was hard to really understand that she wanted me to be there for her emotionally. A lot of boys are taught including me that you have to grow up and take care of a wife/family etc. and to do that you have to be there financially. So when you become a man its hard to grasp why a women wouldn't let you do just that, and let him take over as provider.
I hope what i said makes sense, adds a different perspective, and help in some way.....
~fin~
I totally understand that it isnt easy for a man to grasp that a woman may not need him to provide for them financially I just dont understand why they feel they dont bring anything to the table. Like it just seems like they feel like I am using them and they are expendable to me. That isnt the case. If I dedicate any amount of time to ONE guy, it should be a given that I want more than their money. I have dated the guys that ask off the bat if I am only with them b/c of their money and I feel like that creates a form of competition within me. Like I have to prove that I dont want anything to do with their money, I just want them... I dunno. It just seems like I am destined to be a sugar mama.... :rolleyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by Slow Motion
Will you marry me? LOL j/k.Quote:
Originally Posted by SLOWLYbtngU
Seriously though, these days people should stop being so traditional and conservative you know. If a woman offered to pay, I wouldn't turn that down. Why? If theyre genuinely offering to pay, instead of that "make you feel bad for not paying" kind of way, why turn that down? Sigh dumbasses these days.
Thats not to say that if she offered to pay everytime I would let her.
I doubt you are destined to be a sugar mama but I bet you do find someone that'll fit you and be what you need. It will happen, you seem too coo for it not to...:yes:Quote:
Originally Posted by SLOWLYbtngU
This is more of a response to B than it is to A, I agree with the part I bolded. It really depends on where the man is in his life. If a guy is ready to settle down and have a serious relationship, typically he'd want someone that has matured past that level. Think about it.. (and this is no knock to the original poster) but do you really think a guy that has real goals in life wants to settle down with a woman that goes to strip clubs?Quote:
Originally Posted by ironchef
And vice versa, if a man hangs out in strip clubs can he really expect a good woman to take him seriously? Of course there are exceptions and if a guy is all about fun and want someone to hang out with every so often then cool.. do whatever you do but its hard to expect someone to take things seriously at that level.
On the paying thing, to each's own. I've had plenty of women want to pay for dinner but I grab the check anyway without hesitation. Works for some guys.. others like to be catered to.
I dont take it as a knock, but I feel that when and if I find the one guy I want to be with... He will accept the fact that I go with my bestfriend to the strip club. Is there room for compromise? Sure. My issue isnt me going to the strip club... it's whether or not men have issues with women that pay for their own stuff without feeling like they are any less of a man.
Here's the thing though. The guy is ready to settle down, has goals, is fairly successful. The girl is much the same, their both very independent, but like spending time with each other, hence being a couple. Would it be wrong if they still went to the strip club? It could be more fun for them to do that, then to maybe go to a movie or something.Quote:
Originally Posted by tony
Quote:
Originally Posted by SLOWLYbtngU
Ok --- as far as "the new rage" of independant women hindering relationships, I do not think that it has at all. Has it changed the dynamics of relationships though? YOU BET. I work in corporate America... no1 in my building makes less than 6 figures annually unless they are taking out the trash or fixing the printers - POWER men, and POWER women. If I go to the cafeteria to grab a drink, or pretty much anywhere near AT&T/NORTEL in Alpharetta --- I see herds of women at lunch sharing a table w/ no man in sight... and to add to that, they are not looking for one either. They truly have a "what can a man do for me that I haven't/can't do for myself other than D*CK ME DOWN" mentality. To ME, that's sexy. Do I think I have "arrived" to a point where I am so big that I can't date a chick getting her hustle on at McDonald's? No. But you better believe that I am more comfortable w/ some1 who has a CAREER and not a JOB (there is a difference) and some1 who can think for herself. Call it the new rage, but I think that independant women turn me on more than the opposite. In fact, I don't need my work example to even see this. I will use an everyday scenario: If I am driving down the street and I see a woman leaning on her car w/ a flat tire "waiting" for some bloak to help her w/ it, exhibiting the "woe is me" mentality... I'm inclined to drive RIGHT on by her w/out a second look. I need nothing more than to see her inaction to learn all I need to know about her personality. HOWEVER, if I drive by that same woman and she is attempting to get sh*t done, even if she has the jack on the wrong side of the car, upside down and doing ALL the sh*t wrong, I am more inclined to give her a hand. WHY? THIS woman knows that there is nothing free in this world... SHE understands that SHE needs to do SOMETHING, even if she is f*ckin it all up and doing it wrong. That's my kinda woman... I'm calling the office and tellin 'em I'm gonna be a few minutes late and to cancel my morning appointments.
Now here is an interesting tidbit. I usually can give 2 sh*ts about some1 else's opinion, however in life we are never as kool as we think we are, but never as bad as other people say we are as well. We are probably somewhere in the middle. But if 99% of the people you've dated say that you are too prideful, there is probably some truth to it. It's okay to relax and be catered to sometimes. No matter what you do for money, and no matter how much u make... you exchange WORK/EFFORT for money --- so when some1 wants to share that money w/ you, to turn your nose up at it is pretty insulting, and almost a disrespect ---> ESPECIALLY if there is a relationship behind it. Yeah --- some RANDOM retard tryna buy your affection deserves "i can pay for it myself"... but some1 who you have chosen as yours should be allowed to cater to you sometimes. Rather than turn it down, accept it - but the next time politely mention "hey, u paid last time... I got it thsi time baby" - it's quite simple. If a man expects you to pay --- that is a different energy altogether. I will help you out w/ this one. And I can only use my life as an example b/c it's what I know. The odds of me randomly meeting a woman that makes more than me AND turing that into a relationship is slim to none. I have accepted this. And if a woman is Jane Q. Public career-wise that's fine w/ me too... I will come outta the pocket, b/c in MY example I've always had more money than time - TIME is my most important assest, not money. If there is something I want that costs $100 + 3 hours of my TIME to get it, I'd pay $300 for it if some1 else used their 3 hours of time and delivered it to me. In my mind, "it's just money -- i'll go make more." W/ that said, the less money a woman has... the BETTER she has to be in other areas for me to feel like we are putting equal effort into the union. I'll date you if u work at McDonald's for $9/hr - but EVERY OTHER THING that woman is better compensate. She better gargle b4 she swallows, look like Halle w/ and a$$ like J-Lo - lol. WHen I look at her as a whole, she needs to compensate for her "lack" of a career w/ everything else... to include her personality. So -- if you make the most, you should not mind paying for a few more things IF that man is making u feel like more of a woman in all other aspects. He can fix his income over time... but you can't fix stupid. If he's a good man, then go for it.Quote:
Originally Posted by SLOWLYbtngU
DING DING DING!!!! We have a winner!!! Doesn't sound selfish AT ALL!!! It's just like on a plane when they tell you to put YOUR oxygen mask on 1st b4 you try to help some1 else. How the f*CK can u help some1 else when you are dead? Same thing in a relationship --- HELP YOURSELF 1st, What the HELL can you do for any1 when you are not even happy yourself --- everything you touch relationship-wise will fail. You have to find that happiness from w/in 1st... otherwise you are inviting people into YOUR BS. +1 w/ that one Mike.Quote:
Originally Posted by Batlground
Hell --- I'd quote Julio, but as usual he's on the map --- nuff said.
Check out Baby J spitting the heavy chevy haha.
PS: as far as the strip club goes, I chose not to speak on it bc I don't know how "deep" it gets or how frequently you/him go. I tend to agree w/ Tony on the matter though... you lay down w/ dogs, don't be surprised when you stand up w/ fleas. I'm KING FREAK, but I don't need to be recognized by face when I walk into somebody's strip joint either. But then again, I'm more confortable w/ swinging w/ other couples than I am w/ the strip club - lol - or picking some porn up, poppin it in the DVD player w/ my lady... talkin' $100 worth if sh*t about how she about to GET IT, pop once and then falling asleep b4 round 2:rolleyes: ... LOL... so maybe I am not the person to ask. :D
sweet... new thread.Quote:
Originally Posted by BABY J
See!! That is the thing! I want someone that appreciates that I don't wait for help, because I know that in this world, everyone is out for themselves. Unfortunately, what I get stuck with is the guys that feel threatened when I say that I can do something by myself. I mean I have been a b*tch a time or two to these types because I just dont understand why someone would want the female that refuses to do for herself... I had a guy tell me once that women shouldnt be into the car scene, they should be the ones bringing lemonade to the guys while they work on cars...I remember when he told me that if I ever need an oil change he could do it for me and I remember laughing in his face and saying, "That's cute, that is really cute. I help with motor swaps and you want to change my oil. Aww, that's sweet." I never spoke to him again. I want the guy that I can be working on my car and getting dirty and he is RIGHT there with me, and if I do something wrong then maybe he can provide me with assistance or we can search for the answer together.Quote:
Originally Posted by BABY J
The number isnt exactly 99% but it was the one person that i happened to have cared about the most recently. It hurt to hear that they thought I was prideful, when really all I wanted to convey was that I dont want their money. All I wanted was some of their time. Like you said money is something that people work for and can always earn more of, where as the time that they spend with me either has no compensation or does...but hearing that I am prideful, because I wanted to show that I can pull my own weight...Sucked. And this guy made considerably more money than me...Considerably.Quote:
Now here is an interesting tidbit. I usually can give 2 sh*ts about some1 else's opinion, however in life we are never as kool as we think we are, but never as bad as other people say we are as well. We are probably somewhere in the middle. But if 99% of the people you've dated say that you are too prideful, there is probably some truth to it. It's okay to relax and be catered to sometimes. No matter what you do for money, and no matter how much u make... you exchange WORK/EFFORT for money --- so when some1 wants to share that money w/ you, to turn your nose up at it is pretty insulting, and almost a disrespect ---> ESPECIALLY if there is a relationship behind it. Yeah --- some RANDOM retard tryna buy your affection deserves "i can pay for it myself"... but some1 who you have chosen as yours should be allowed to cater to you sometimes. Rather than turn it down, accept it - but the next time politely mention "hey, u paid last time... I got it thsi time baby" - it's quite simple. If a man expects you to pay --- that is a different energy altogether. I will help you out w/ this one. And I can only use my life as an example b/c it's what I know. The odds of me randomly meeting a woman that makes more than me AND turing that into a relationship is slim to none. I have accepted this. And if a woman is Jane Q. Public career-wise that's fine w/ me too... I will come outta the pocket, b/c in MY example I've always had more money than time - TIME is my most important assest, not money. If there is something I want that costs $100 + 3 hours of my TIME to get it, I'd pay $300 for it if some1 else used their 3 hours of time and delivered it to me. In my mind, "it's just money -- i'll go make more." W/ that said, the less money a woman has... the BETTER she has to be in other areas for me to feel like we are putting equal effort into the union. I'll date you if u work at McDonald's for $9/hr - but EVERY OTHER THING that woman is better compensate. She better gargle b4 she swallows, look like Halle w/ and a$$ like J-Lo - lol. WHen I look at her as a whole, she needs to compensate for her "lack" of a career w/ everything else... to include her personality. So -- if you make the most, you should not mind paying for a few more things IF that man is making u feel like more of a woman in all other aspects. He can fix his income over time... but you can't fix stupid. If he's a good man, then go for it.
Yeah I told one of my friends the other day that this is the happiest I have ever been in my life... I have a blossoming career, a great social network, wonderful squad members that are like family when my own family lets me down. I am blessed and doing it by myself. I guess I just need to find that one guy that can appreciate me as a whole. Whether I pay or not. :ninja:Quote:
DING DING DING!!!! We have a winner!!! Doesn't sound selfish AT ALL!!! It's just like on a plane when they tell you to put YOUR oxygen mask on 1st b4 you try to help some1 else. How the f*CK can u help some1 else when you are dead? Same thing in a relationship --- HELP YOURSELF 1st, What the HELL can you do for any1 when you are not even happy yourself --- everything you touch relationship-wise will fail. You have to find that happiness from w/in 1st... otherwise you are inviting people into YOUR BS. +1 w/ that one Mike.
Hell --- I'd quote Julio, but as usual he's on the map --- nuff said.
OFF THE TOP: i expect to pay at least 99% of the times. if she wants to pay everyonce in 2blue moons thats fine, but other than that...i'm the one that does the bulk of purchasing. i dont mind a woman that feels that she needs to do her own thing, my wife is on the border line. she relies on me, but doesnt know how to ask me (sounds crazy). but she's like me, doesnt like to ask for help. but she's better than me that when i do just give her money out of the blue..she'll accept more readily than me. i dont mind an independent woman...but a girl like u jose...i'd make u put ur money back in ur wallet, point blank
I will take that as a compliment. Thank you. I think that I have jsut come to the conclusion that I will try to feel a guy out before we go out and let him know ahead of time that I dont mind paying my way if he is comfortable with that. Honestly, that is all I want. I want the guy to be comfortable enough around me that we can eventually grow into something more and I cant expect that to happen if I am always throwing out the fact that I can make it on my own. B/c seriously, why would someone want to be with anyone that basically makes it seem (even if it is unwillingly) like they dont need them in their life.Quote:
Originally Posted by phatboislim
EGG FUCCKIN ZACTLY...wifey acts like that sometimes and i gota put her in her place. she mentioned wanting another job b/c she's tired of going without money...but she never asked me for money or said that she was w/o money. like i told her, if its my last and i have to go w/o, i'd give u my last, point blank. its my duty to make sure u have and u gettin another job without even giving me a chance to rectify the situation is crazy....so i rectified that situation and hopefully i wnt have to worry about her talking crazy of getting a job when i can supply.
I am not going to lie...I rather dig my own grave and bury myself before I ask for money from anyone. Like when I owe people...Omg... I HAVE to pay them off... I just don't feel right.
i dont want or expect my wife to pay me back unless she SPECIFICALLY ask to borrow money for something i have absolutely no care for...and that hasnt happened yet. all the times i give her money...its hers, period. her money is mine, and mine is hers/hers is hers.
heh i won't date a girl that won't do anything for herself.
if she can't do anything with herself, what the hell am i supposed to do with her?
not to say that i expect a girl to pay for my **** or buy me crap or anything like that, but if she can afford to / wants to.. woot.
i don't keep track of who pays for what / who buys who what. who cares?
lol i'm probably off topic here. i was too lazy to read the whole first post
I think the dynamics change a bit when you're married. My issue is with the guys that I date... My last "boyfriend/fiance" was in 2005... There are a ton of issues that guys tell me that I have as to the reasons why it never works out...This is one of them.Quote:
Originally Posted by phatboislim
Nah you were on topic. I think that everyone should date people that take care of themselves or at least can afford to. Otherwise I just feel like it's babysitting or parenting.Quote:
Originally Posted by IP37
to me it was the same even when we were dating...i didnt care. but some people are different in their thinking while dating, but that was my perspective on itQuote:
Originally Posted by SLOWLYbtngU
Gotcha... See I think that when you are married, you become one. There isnt(or at least shouldnt be) a fight for balance of power. When I am in love, like real real love... I am very submissive within reasonable means, but I think that is just a natural response when you find someone that you want in your life, you know, to leave your wants behind and attend to theirs...Quote:
Originally Posted by phatboislim
yea i mean..thats how it is when you feel that way
exactlyQuote:
Originally Posted by SLOWLYbtngU
very true...Quote:
Originally Posted by Julio
IMO that song represents how some men do not know when to grow up. We have men that are 35 years old still living at home. They want a independent woman with her own car, her own house so that she can take care of him. Some men just want another mom. Men should want to take care of their woman, not the other way around.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SLOWLYbtngU
I wish all women thought like that..
Quote:
Originally Posted by SLOWLYbtngU
I think it has hurt relationships. I was married to a great woman, but there was always a power struggle. And that ultimately ended the relationship. I don't want a mother, I want a wife. I mean a guy wants to feel like he is the head of the household. Not very many men want to feel like they have very little say so or input into the relationship. As a man you are brought up to be the head of the house.. Not owner of that person but not their slave either. As a man it made me feel worthless, even affected my libido. :(
I still love this woman and miss her terribly
I might be a little off topic as well but.. just felt like venting
does this mean that the woman not take care of the man in some kind of way? and no i'm not speaking sexually. i got what i wanted, a woman that can handle things if a situation happens that she can give some kind of insight and monetary help when i can't. no i dont want her to take care of me full fledge if you will, but i definitely want her to be some kind of support to me, and it dont have to be monetary....Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizbiz101
seems like what i'm saying is going 50 million different ways..but hopefully somebody can understand what i'm trying to say
thats ok...i can still handle business up here lolQuote:
Originally Posted by 'chell
sorry couldnt resist..back on topic:D
:D