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whats kinda funny about it though, as much as i wanted to say it i could never fix my lips to tell my ex that i love her, w/ my fiancee i tell her just to tell her...fawkin wierd. makin this thread has helped...still some hurt and confusion goin on but i think by the end of the wk i can figure it outQuote:
Originally Posted by Leisa
FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
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Later, QD.
wrong thread much QD? lol
Nah. I was referring to K-Double bout going on in here. Later, QD.Quote:
Originally Posted by phatboislim
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leisa
exactly, your first love is completely blind... and you are completely vulnerable... and selfless...
i've learned through past relationships that if i don't watch out for myself that i will get run over and treated like crap...
that does not mean that i'm not gonna love the next (kelly)more.. because i do...
just means when things get shady, i no longer put up with it....
Wrong answer. In a life event such as marriage, all playing cards MUST BE ON THE TABLE. Without a doubt. If not, something will happen and it will be (more times than not) catastrophic. Later, QD.Quote:
Originally Posted by bigdare23
she speaks truth! :goodjob: once you get old as all of you call me now a days and i get that 'sir thing' all the time like i did this weekend at nopi!! :rolleyes: your perspective changes on alot of things. when i was your age i wouldve said you need a break. now, i know better and i have ?'s to back up this thought that you need to ask yourself and answer(to yourself) about this situation.Quote:
Originally Posted by Leisa
1. there will always be special people in your life and they will have special places. you gotta ask yourself, do you need to act on this or is it just that, a special place in your heart or...?
2. and probably shoulda been a big #1!! is this a sex thing? we've all had them and some are just better than others. and as good as it is, we all get old one day and it will just not be the same. dont start on the advances of medical science and any man can get it up til he's 80 now! :eek: we all know this.
3. as pertaining to question 2 that shoulda been #1, is your fiancee someone you truly love in the sense that you can talk and be friends as well as all the other things that you normally associate with being together? i.e. when you take away everything that attracted you to her such as looks, sex, holding hands, kissing, touching. the gooey stuff!!! do you still wanna be with her?
4. another biggee!!! ex's are usually ex's for a reason. you need to ask yourself some ?'s on why the other and you broke up in the 1st place? generally these cant be overcome or are extrmely hard too. not saying people dont overcome breakups and time off but it is alot more difficult.
these reasons of the original breakup just tend to rear there ugly head up again later down the road when the new wears off.
5. you need to do major damage control!!!!! :police: houston, we have a problem!!! while it is great that you need to have honesty around. the last thing your 'wie to be' wants to hear is you might have feelings for another girl. cold feet is one thing, another person is a whole nother bag!! my 1st thought would be flowers depending on the girl. well thought out card just to explain you love her and that you wanna be open and honest about your feelings even when it might not be what she wants to hear. make sure even if its advice from other people it's something you truly beleive b/c women can see thru bs very easily in situations like this. they dont call it 'womens intuition' for nothing.
hope this helps and sorry if i went on too long!!! :blah: i have a bad habit of doing that and i actually did condense this beleive it or not!!! latr
o yea i feel much text threats goin on between them right now:cheers:Quote:
Originally Posted by quickdodgeŽ
thats how i feel, everything should be out in the open..but at this time right now i wish i kept my mouth shut..but it was the best thing i did i guess..Quote:
Wrong answer. In a life event such as marriage, all playing cards MUST BE ON THE TABLE. Without a doubt. If not, something will happen and it will be (more times than not) catastrophic. Later, QD.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Killer
So does this mean I'm to blind and vulnerable and selfless towards you?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelly
Kelly you are turning a situation that doesnt even pertain to you and Killers relationship into a straight out call out ,.... just let it go... seriously...
1. i realized that its just a place in my heart that she holds thats all..the place where FIRST love resides.Quote:
Originally Posted by NevrNufTorq
2. it wasnt a sex thing w/ her. my ex and i actually never had sex:eek: . it was all convo. i mean we made out, but that was the extent of it.
3. yes i can see myself getting old with her with her saggy tits and body and just sittin on the porch and just sittin there with her being quiet..i can see all of that
4. this i dont know, i dont know the reason we broke up, i think that was a major role in my feelins coming back of my curiousity of wat made us grow apart, i mean it was like, shit all the girls i was w/ before her i never took the time or ever stayed on the phone with someone this long. only time we would text was when i was in class or i was at work, other than that we'd be on the phone til we fall asleep, so i guess figuring out what happened to us was something that stayed on my mind. she finally answered it and it calmed me down ALOT as far as my feelins for her went.
5. she's not a flowers type girl but i think i know what i can do, i do plan to stop by tonight, i wont stay because i doubt she wants to be around me that long right now, but i am curious right now as to the extent of the damage. she says she's still in love w/ me but the hurt is extensive.
Leisa, really... It's always been an issue with me and he threw that first comment out there so he brought it on us.Quote:
Originally Posted by Leisa
Edit: 3rd comment
Because I know him and that he would never "be man enough" to work it out if the tables were turned.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelly
Bringing up old girl friends/boyfriends... is not good for the relationship.. whats in the past is in the past... just look towards the future
He brought her up, not me
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelly
"man enough"????
u'd be suprised what love will make u do..love is strong if its real.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelly
are you kidding??? brought her up??? i gave a guy my opinion based on what i've gone through!!! i didn't bring up an ex and just talk about her!!! just stop already! lord!
Maybe I should've said I would need some serious thinking time.
We both, obviously, would.
sounds like your over your ex but please keep in mind that only you can answer that. you def need to do something for your fiancee so she still feels loved and that she can feel secure that you'll be there for her and yet, you'll give her a lil 'breating room' to think and be secure in her decision to marry you. let her know you're available to talk if she needs you. def tell her she needs to talk to someone older that she trusts. nothing wrong with her friends but she needs someone older that she trusts. hope it all works out for you :goodjob: :DQuote:
Originally Posted by phatboislim
thanks man i appreciate it
This is some crazy shit.
pbs, I think you are in the right here. You told her because you love her and want to be open with her.
Killer and Kelly, wow.
thanks man..and yea wow to kelly and killerQuote:
Originally Posted by fcman
np whatsoever. just remember to be honest with yourself and both you and her can get thru this! :goodjob: not saying it will be easy b/c she's not gonna give you the normal level of respect that you're use too but it will improve if your feelings for her are true. :DQuote:
Originally Posted by phatboislim
What do you mean "wow"?
Everyone has issues.
Mine is currently that I have terrible PMS.
yea i definitely will
REASON REVEALED..killer you should be good in a week lolQuote:
Originally Posted by Kelly
I understand that everyone has issues, I've had my share with my current girlfriend. I'm not saying either of you are wrong here. I just don't think IA is the best medium to handle this.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelly
You're right. I don't know what came over me.
I have the worse PMS ever. I get so emotional.
That's it, i'm starting a woman thread.
aww lawd gona be too much estrogen lol
Maybe they should start a new PMS club, I bet they could run Project Motorsports outta here, lol.Quote:
Originally Posted by phatboislim
i give you credit for telling her. that was a good thing to do.
so for now, i think you should give her time to think about it and push the wedding date back.
november 10 is coming up soon and she is definitely going to need more than two months to think about what you told her even if it was a good thing.
i mean, i know when my ex lied to me about the real reason why he wanted to break up (of course, i found out the truth after), it made me see him in a lot of different ways. it made me question our whole relationship.
if he told me the truth, i would have a lot more understanding and i would have appreciated him for being honest.
LIRLQuote:
Originally Posted by fcman
thats what im thinkin but this would be the second time we pushed the date back. i asked her if she wanted to she said no, but ima give her a lil time to her self, maybe a week so she can think about everything, but we gota work no the invitations so we'll see whats up.Quote:
Originally Posted by itsjustdee
Quote:
Originally Posted by fcman
werd...
i "almost" know what you mean... tho i didn't have feelilngs about this other one... anyway, i told my wife about a woman that offered herself to me (was a coworker, and she was good lookin) and my wife thought that it was the end of our marriage and that i was going to throw away our marriage life and little girl for this blonde hot body woman... she thought all hell was openning up... but i just simply told her that she offered herself to me and that "in my mind" took her up on it, but in all reality, didn't do anything...
wife thought it was done for... but i just told her cuz it happened in my mind and wanted to get it off my chest... didn't go to well and 2 yrs later still plays on her mind...
women are insecure, telling them anything that takes away thier security (you) kills them. was best not to tell them...
in any case, you can use the whole "i told you cuz i loved you, not her. i told you cuz i needed to be completely open and honest with you, now and even when we get married. don't make me regret me doing a good thing for us."
GL
OH! and um... i wouldn't let her have her space... the whole time, she'll be thinkin that your not wanting the wedding... or relationship. She'll think that your probably out with the ex...
call her, go to her house, talk to her mom (believe it or not, you could try to win her on your side if you play your cards right) talk to her dad... biggest allies and ppl she will listen to
It is just common knowledge that you will always have feelings for your first love. Everyone knows that. You probably shouldn't have said anything to your fiancee, and I can't blame her for the way she feels. She is getting ready to marry you and then you announce to her that you still have feelings for your ex..
I can't say whether it's best to break it off or try to save the relationship, but i can tell you that this will always be in the back of her mind and will probably spark some trust issues between the 2 of you. good luck, and for future reference, keep the feelings for the exes on the DL!
You did the right thing. I know the girl I'm seeing now, I laid it out to let her understand that my ex was my first love, and we were close emotionally, and that she and I are still best friends and that I will hang out with her from time to time. Listen to QD, the man has some pretty wise things to say. I don't really have much to say beyond this because everyone else has already said it, just I guess explain to her like what you said, you were curious as to why you had broken up and some old feelings welled up that you had thought were gone, and you've rid yourself of them after confronting her. It's important that she knows that you love HER, and nobody else. Period.
^^^well put
thanks for the other info..i went to her last night..i couldnt confront her parents as much as i wanted to i had a hard enough time talking to her face to face about it. she SAYS she don't want to talk about it anymore..i continue telling her im sorry(after i left last night) i wrote her a letter and gave it to her last night..i just hope that she will be happy. i mean if she cant be/isnt happy, then why should she marry me. so my main focus is to make sure that she IS happy with me.