funny funny haha joke time

[COGCaviZ24]

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

-I do physical labor.
-I work at great depths.
-I plunge head first into everything I do.
-I don not get weekends or public holidays off.
-I work in a damp environment.
-I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
-I work in high temperatures.
-My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Dear Penis,
After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have raised , the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

-You do not work 8 hours straight.
-You fall asleep after brief work periods.
-You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
-You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other
locations.
-You do not take initiative =you need to be
pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
-You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
-You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing protective clothing.
-You will retire well before you are 65.
-You are unable to work double shifts.
-You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
-And if all this is not enough, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the work place carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,
Management

[COGCaviZ24]

The Loving Husband...

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While
they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband,
"You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in
the Holy Land, for $150."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped
home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your
wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would
spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and
three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

[TeeJay]

OMFG NOOB REPOST x1457983475!!!!

[COGCaviZ24]

KNOW YOUR STATE MOTTO

Alabama - Hell Yes, We Have Electricity, Mostly.
Alaska - 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
Arizona - But It's A Dry Heat.
Arkansas - Literacy Ain't Everything.
California - By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda.
Colorado - If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother.
Connecticut - Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet.
Delaware - We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water.
Florida- Ask Us About Our Grandkids.
Georgia - We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism.
Hawaii - Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum,Leave Your Money)
Idaho - More Than Just Potatoes... Well,Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Illinois - Please, Don't Pronounce the "S"
Indiana - 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa - We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas - First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky - Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana- We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, (But That's Our Tourism >>Campaign.)
Maine - We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland - If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
Massachusetts- Our Taxes Are Slightly Lower Than Sweden 's
Michigan - Our First Line Of Defense - From The Canadians
Minnesota - 10,000 Lakes...And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
Mississippi - Come And Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri - Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
Montana-Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, and Very Little Else.
Nebraska - Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada - Hookers and Poker!
New Hampshire - Go Away And Leave Us Alone
New Jersey- You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right here!
New Mexico - Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York - You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney...
North Carolina - Tobacco Is A Vegetable
North Dakota - We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
Ohio- At Least We're Not Michigan
Oklahoma - Like The Play, But No Singing
Oregon - Spotted Owl...It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania - Cook With Coal
Rhode Island - We're Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina - Remember The Civil War? Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender Yet
South Dakota - Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee- The Edyoocashun State
Texas - Se Hablo Ingles
Utah - Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont - Ay, Yep
Virginia - Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington - We have more rain than you do
West Virginia - One Big Happy Family...Really!
Wisconsin- Come Cut The Cheese!
Wyoming - Where Men Are Men... And The Sheep Are Scared

[The Golden Child]

WHY !!!

[COGCaviZ24]

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!


A blonde called her old boyfriend and said, "Please come over here and help me.

I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out or how to get started."

Her old boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde said, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her old boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle.

She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned to her and
said, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.


He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then............he sighed

Let's put all these frosted flakes back in the box."

[COGCaviZ24]

Funny doctor stories
> >
> > A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's
> going to have her baby in
> >the
> >cab!"
> >I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted
> the lady's
> >dress, and began to take off her underwear.
> Suddenly I noticed that there
> >were several cabs - and I was in the wrong one.
> > Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
> >
> >
> > At the beginning of my shift I placed a
> stethoscope on an elderly and
> >slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
> > "Big breaths," I instructed.
> > "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
> >
> > Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
> >
> >
> > One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when
> I told a wife that her
> >husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
> >Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
> reporting to the rest of the
> >family that he had died of a
> >"massive internal fart."
> >
> > Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
> >
> >
> > I was performing a complete physical, including
> the visual acuity test.
> >I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and
> began, "Cover your
> >right
> >eye with your hand."
> >He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
> > "Now your left."
> >Again, a flawless read.
> > "Now both," I requested.
> >There was silence. He couldn't even read the large
> E on the top line. I
> >turned and discovered that he had done exactly what
> I had asked...
> >he was standing there with both his eyes covered.
> >I was laughing too hard to finish the exam
> >
> > Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
> >
> >
> > During a patient's two week follow-up
> appointment with his cardiologist,
> >he informed me, his doctor, that he was having
> trouble with one of his
> >medications.
> >"Which one?" I asked.
> > "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a
> >new one every six hours and now I'm running out of
> places to put it!"
> >I had him quickly undress and discovered what I
> hoped I wouldn't see. Yes,
> >the man had over fifty patches on his body!
> >Now, the instructions include removal of the old
> patch before applying a
> >new
> >one.
> >
> > Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
> >
> >
> > While acquainting myself with a new elderly
> patient, I asked, "How long
> >have you been bedridden?"
> > After a look of complete confusion she
> answered...
> >"Why, not for about twenty years -
> >when my husband was still alive."
> >
> > Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
> >
> >
> > I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's
> your breakfast this
> >morning?
> >
> >"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I
> can't seem to get used to
> >the taste" the patient replied.
> >I then asked to see the jelly and the woman
> produced a foil packet labeled
> >KY Jelly."
> >
> > Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
> >
> >
> > A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when
> a young woman with
> >purple
> >hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a
> variety of tattoos, and
> >wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly
> determined that the
> >patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
> scheduled for immediate surgery.
> >When she was completely disrobed on the operating
> table, the staff noticed
> >that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above
> it there was a tattoo
> >that read, "Keep off the grass."
> >Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a
> short note on the
> >patient's dressing, which said,
> > "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
> >
> >
> > and finally...
> >
> > A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was
> quite embarrassed
> >performing
> >female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he
> had unconsciously formed
> >a habit of whistling softly.
> >The middle-aged lady upon whom he was performing
> this exam suddenly burst
> >out laughing and further embarrassed
> >him.
> >He looked up from his work and sheepishly said,
> "I'm sorry. Was I tickling
> >you?"
> >She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were
> whistling was,
> >"I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
> >
> > Dr. wouldn't admit his name

[TeeJay]

stfu.

[COGCaviZ24]

DIAF FTW!!!

[TeeJay]

DIAF FTW!!!

you = FTLLLLL

[COGCaviZ24]

STILB

[The Golden Child]

New Jersey - You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right here!

i would think thats for New York cause i say that sometimes ..

i got your junk right here * grabs package * WHAT !!!

[TeeJay]

STILB

[COGCaviZ24]

STILB: S.T.L.B.short top, long back. Describes the mullet haircut.
Example: There's going to be alot of stilbs at the Daytona 500

source: urban dictionary

[TeeJay]

STILB: S.T.L.B.short top, long back. Describes the mullet haircut.
Example: There's going to be alot of stilbs at the Daytona 500

source: urban dictionary

aaaaaaaand that pertains to me how?? considering ive got a crew cut

[COGCaviZ24]

i never said it did. just a random acronym

[TeeJay]

hmmm. carry on then.

[TeeJay]

the loving husband one is pretty funny though. i just called repost on the first one