This one should really get you some brownie points with the Mrs.

Collards is green,
my dog's name is Blue
I'm so lucky
to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk
just a-flappin in the breeze.
Softer than Old Blue's
and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass,
which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
but I luv you anyway.

Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
right out of the can.

You have some'a yore teeth,
for which I am proud;
I hold my head high
when we're in a crowd.

On special occasions,
when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven,
and awed by yore charms.

Them fellers at work,
they all want to know,
what I did to deserve
such a purdy, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape
yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles
and fix what you can.

Yo're as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those
far ants I found in my bed.

Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life
more than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight
like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete;
Ain't nuttin' I lack.

Yore complexion, it's perfection,
like the best vinyl sidin'
despite all the years,
yore age, it keeps hidin'.

Me'n'you's like a Moon Pie
with a RC cold drank,
we go together
like a skunk goes goes with his stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate
for Valentine's Day;
They git it a Wal-Mart
it's romantic that way.

Some men git roses
on the special day
from the cooler at Kroger.
"that's impressive," I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds
from a flee market booth.
"Diamonds are forever,"
they explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey,
these won't do.
Cause yor'e too special,
you sweet thang you.

I got you a gift,
without taste nor odor,
more useful than diamonds. . .
It's a new troll'n motor!!