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Thread: Chuck Norris Wut??

  1. 02-24-2010, 08:20 AM #1
    LizBiz
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    Default Chuck Norris Wut??

    Post up ur best Chuck Norris jokes here please. I know its old but they are funny!!! Hump day laugh!!! You can thank "Punkr6" I'm hooked!!!!
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  2. 02-24-2010, 08:22 AM #2
    Kevykev
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    My phone has a Chuck Norris Facts App.

    Maybe i'll download it and post up..


    Hhen again, maybe not, because by the time I do that... This thread will be about Obama or Olympic Games or Lesbians.

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  3. 02-24-2010, 10:31 AM #3
    SloWRX
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    Mmmm lesbians!
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  4. 02-24-2010, 10:32 AM #4
    JDMbabe
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    here we go...
    JDMbabe
    http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?...&id=1035300647
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  5. 02-24-2010, 10:37 AM #5
    Vteckidd
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    jack bauer once beat Chuck Norris at Connect 4 in 3 moves
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  6. 02-24-2010, 11:14 AM #6
    LizBiz
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    This thread aint take off yet!?! WTF!!! That connect 4 was funny tho!!! Lololol
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  7. 02-24-2010, 11:18 AM #7
    AirMax95
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    Before the boogey man goes to bed, he checks the closet for Chuck Norris.

    When Chuck Norris does push ups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the earth down.

    Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer, too bad Chuck Norris never cries.

    Chuck Norris has counted to infinity...twice.

    If Chuck Norris is late, time is better slow the fuck down.

    Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
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  8. 02-24-2010, 11:19 AM #8
    AirMax95
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vteckidd View Post
    jack bauer once beat Chuck Norris at Connect 4 in 3 moves
    Jack Bauer wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
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  9. 02-24-2010, 11:19 AM #9
    AirMax95
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    Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light except pink; Tom Cruise invented pink.
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  10. 02-24-2010, 11:20 AM #10
    AirMax95
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    Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

    Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits.

    Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
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  11. 02-24-2010, 11:21 AM #11
    AirMax95
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    /thread
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  12. 02-24-2010, 11:23 AM #12
    bodhi
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    was it necessary to add the "wut" at the end of the title??

    seriously?

    and i have a book of chuck jokes, and they all suck
    top 5

    "get with the Gs, or get on yo knees"
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  13. 02-24-2010, 11:26 AM #13
    quickdodge®
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    Quote Originally Posted by bodhi View Post
    and i have a book of chuck jokes, and they all suck
    Chuck Norris jokes are old, BUT I have to say that they are better than any "Caturday" thread ever made. I can tolerate Chuck jokes. I can't stand the other. Later, QD.
    FOR MORE INFO, CLICK THE PIC!!!

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  14. 02-24-2010, 11:28 AM #14
    AirMax95
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    QD, what's this "Caturday" thing you speak of? I assume "cat" jokes? If so, those are not appealing.
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  15. 02-24-2010, 11:29 AM #15
    Black Mamba
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    Now we can

    /thread
    NWS FTW
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  16. 02-24-2010, 11:30 AM #16
    Nerdsrock22
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    Flickr|Facebook|Blog
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  17. 02-24-2010, 01:40 PM #17
    LizBiz
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    LAWLZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Divide by zero!!!!!! ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Counted to infinity twice totally made my day. HILAROUS!!!!!!! LIRL!!!!!!!!!!!

    MOAR!!!!!!!!!!
    My boyfriend is better than you...
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  18. 02-24-2010, 01:50 PM #18
    Black Mamba
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    Quote Originally Posted by LizBiz View Post
    LAWLZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Divide by zero!!!!!! ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Counted to infinity twice totally made my day. HILAROUS!!!!!!! LIRL!!!!!!!!!!!

    MOAR!!!!!!!!!!

    Uh.. wow.. These jokes are a little funny but not that funny... You are extremely exaggerating
    NWS FTW
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  19. 02-24-2010, 02:08 PM #19
    LizBiz
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    Quote Originally Posted by Black Mamba View Post
    Uh.. wow.. These jokes are a little funny but not that funny... You are extremely exaggerating
    Yeah this dude definately doesn't know me...

    *re-reads* HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I told teachers at my school them jokes ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I want MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  20. 02-24-2010, 02:10 PM #20
    Black Mamba
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    Uh.. are you 6? I don't have to know anyone to judge if they're exaggerating or not. You, in this case, are definitely exaggerating.
    NWS FTW
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  21. 02-24-2010, 02:12 PM #21
    alpine_aw11
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    My brother has a book of Chuck Norris/Mr. T jokes. I'm gonna make it rain in this bitch when I find it.
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  22. 02-24-2010, 02:13 PM #22
    LizBiz
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    Quote Originally Posted by alpine_aw11 View Post
    My brother has a book of Chuck Norris/Mr. T jokes. I'm gonna make it rain in this bitch when I find it.
    HELL YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's what I'm talkin bout!!! *get reps ready*
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  23. 02-24-2010, 03:01 PM #23
    The Creeper
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    Women shouldn't be allowed on the internet.
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  24. 02-24-2010, 03:04 PM #24
    TougeGTR-33
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    Quote Originally Posted by AirMax95 View Post
    /thread
    You win LOL!!! Ill rep you in 24 hours lol
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  25. 02-24-2010, 03:13 PM #25
    LizBiz
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Creeper View Post
    Women shouldn't be allowed on the internet.
    GTFO my thread unless you got a chuck norris joke.
    My boyfriend is better than you...
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  26. 02-24-2010, 03:15 PM #26
    LizBiz
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    Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is "The Two"
    Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.
    Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about
    When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  27. 02-24-2010, 03:19 PM #27
    bodhi
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    those suck

    at least copy and paste down the "good" ones.
    top 5

    "get with the Gs, or get on yo knees"
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  28. 02-24-2010, 03:20 PM #28
    LizBiz
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    Quote Originally Posted by bodhi View Post
    those suck

    at least copy and paste down the "good" ones.
    YOU copy and paste the good ones! I am LMAO over here!!!
    My boyfriend is better than you...
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  29. 02-24-2010, 03:21 PM #29
    bodhi
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    chuck norris could make your girlfriend reach climax with a simple grin


    see, that sucked too
    but i made it up and only took a sec
    top 5

    "get with the Gs, or get on yo knees"
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  30. 02-24-2010, 03:22 PM #30
    LizBiz
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    Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.

    When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror, it breaks because it is smart enough to know not to get in the middle of Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris
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  31. 02-24-2010, 03:24 PM #31
    LizBiz
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    OK ok this is my last one

    There is no 'Ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

    wait wait!!

    There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  32. 02-24-2010, 03:26 PM #32
    bodhi
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    doesnt take much to make you laugh your ass off huh?


    heres one:
    chuck norris' favorite smell is that of his opponent's soiled pants
    top 5

    "get with the Gs, or get on yo knees"
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  33. 02-24-2010, 03:27 PM #33
    AirMax95
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    Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.

    If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

    When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.

    Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.
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  34. 02-24-2010, 03:29 PM #34
    bodhi
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    I admit, i laughed at these jokes when they were fresh, and not many ppl knew about em


    ahh yes, all those moons ago (2001)
    top 5

    "get with the Gs, or get on yo knees"
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  35. 02-24-2010, 03:34 PM #35
    AirMax95
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    Yeah, they are old, but I still get a chuckle from them.
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  36. 02-24-2010, 03:54 PM #36
    LizBiz
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    Quote Originally Posted by bodhi View Post
    doesnt take much to make you laugh your ass off huh?
    nope!!!
    My boyfriend is better than you...
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  37. 02-24-2010, 04:23 PM #37
    ItsBlack
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    My favorites of all time

    -When Chuck Norris jumps in water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.
    -Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.
    -Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.

    -There used to be 2 suns but Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the first one and created the stars.

    ^I just made this one up
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  38. 02-24-2010, 04:30 PM #38
    LizBiz
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    Quote Originally Posted by ItsBlack View Post
    My favorites of all time

    -When Chuck Norris jumps in water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.
    -Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.
    -Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.

    -There used to be 2 suns but Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the first one and created the stars.

    ^I just made this one up
    HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NIce!
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  39. 02-24-2010, 04:31 PM #39
    lowazzcord
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    Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

    Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.

    If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

    A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
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  40. 02-24-2010, 04:34 PM #40
    DVSRX-7
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    Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

    In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

    The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

    The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.

    Chuck Norris once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none."

    Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.

    Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing

    Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.

    The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris's nutsack.

    When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.

    When Chuck Norris played golf for money, chuck marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to Chuck: "excuse me sir, but you cant score zero on a hole".

    Chuck Norris turned towards the man and said, im Chuck Norris, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face anyways.

    Chuck Norris once kicked a baby elephant into puberty

    Multiple people have died from Chuck Norris giving them the finger.

    Chuck Norris once tried to wear glasses. The result was him seeing around the world to the point where he was looking at the back of his own head.

    Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

    Chuck Norris doesn't get pulled over.

    If Chuck Norris was a doctor- There would be no more sickness.
    Peek-a-boo mofucka what now?!
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