Jokes that offend EVERYONE
INB4TL
Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Special Olympics?
A: Not being retarded
***********
Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the battered wives' shelter?
A: The dishes, if she knows what's fucking good for her
************ ***
Q: How do you swat 200 flies at one time
A: Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.
************ ***
Q: What is the definition of making love'?
A: Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.
************ ****
Q: What do 54,000 abused woman every year have in common?
A: They don't fucking listen.
************ ***
Q: What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
A: Gonorrhea
************ ****
Q: Why did God create yeast infections?
A: So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating bitch once in a while too.
************ *****
Q. How can you tell a macho woman?
A. She rolls her own tampons.
************ *****
Q. Why do fags like ribbed condoms?
A. Better traction in the mud.
************ *****
Q. What's the difference between a woman and a sheep?
A. The sheep doesn't get upset if you screw her sister.
************ *****
Q. What's the difference between acne and Michael Jackson?
A. Acne usually doesn't come on a kid's face until he's at least 13 years old.
************ *****
Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
A. Marry it.
************ *****
Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
************ *****
Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A. Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.
************ *****
Q. What's the difference between mayonnaise & semen?
A. Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at thirty miles an hour.
************ *****
Q. Why do women call it PMS?
A. Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
************ *****
Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
************ *****
Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
************ *****
Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy.
************ *****
Q. How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
A. The cake jumps out of the girl.
************ *****
Q. What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your whole week.
************ *****
Q. How is pubic hair like parsley?
A. You push it to the side before you start eating.
************ *****
Q. What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
A. You know she'll swallow.
************ *****
Q. Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?
A. They don't want to wear out the camel.
************ *****
Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
************ ******
Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
************ ******
Q. How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it is bedtime?
A. When the big hand touches the little hand...
************ ******
Q. How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?
A. Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time.
************ ******
Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the animals that kick.
************ ******
Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it
Reply With Quote
Originally Posted by tdurr
