a few friday jokey's
I phoned up a really gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together.
I couldn't BELIEVE it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic. "Wow!" I said "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!" She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge!
"Yeah," I said, "Just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days!" She laughed and told me to stop being so silly! She teased me, saying she thought tubby bald men were cute! "Anyway", she said, "I've put on a couple of pounds myself!"
So I hung up on the fat bitch.
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A priest was taking a shortcut through an alley one day and came upon a young boy who was masturbating. "My son, you shouldn't be doing that," said the priest. "You should be saving that for when you get married." The embarrassed boy hung his head down low and simply said, "Yes, Father."
About 10 years later, the priest was in his study when a young man in his early twenties came in. "Yes, my son?" said the priest. "Father, you may not remember me, but about 10 years ago you caught me masturbating in an alley, and I'll never forget the advice you gave then." "And what was that, my son?"
"Well, you told me that what I was doing was wrong and I should be saving it for when I get married," said the young man. "That sounds like something I probably would have said," said the priest. "Did you take my advice?" "Yes I did, Father, but there's only one problem." "What's that, my son?"
"Well, I have a 55-gallon drum of the stuff in the back of my pickup truck. Now that I am getting married, what am I supposed to do with it?"
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An Amish boy and his father were in the new shopping mall for the first time. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that could open and move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked his father, "What is this Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't quite know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an ugly, fat, old lady moved up to the wall and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady strolled in between them into a very small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the door light up.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number and began to light up in reverse order. Finally the walls opened up and a gorgeous 24 year old blonde stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young blonde, said quietly to his son, "Go get your mother."
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Picture a beautiful California Morning on the beach, the sun has just risen over the ocean, the sand pure white, the ocean a beautiful shimmering blue with the morning sun shining over it.
A stunning young blonde girl is jogging along the beach in very brief Puma shorts and a crop top that barely covers her voluptuous breasts. A mile or so down the beach jogging in the opposite direction is a young (mid twenties) fit looking young guy. He's wearing just jogging shorts. As he is jogging, in the distance his eye catches a glimpse of something on the sand.
As he jogs further he sees it's yellow. He gets closer and closer and discovers it's a tennis ball. He stops, picks it up and discovers that it is a new tennis ball. He thinks, hey a wind fall. He doesn't want to carry it and having no pockets he just stuffs it down his shorts and continues jogging.
A short while later as the girl jogging in the opposite directions draws closer, from a distance she can see the bulge in his shorts. She gets to within twenty feet and stops dead in her tracks and stares at his crotch fascinated. When the guy is just in front of her he sees she is staring at his crotch so he stops. She points at the bulge in his crotch and exclaims, "What's That!" He says, "It's A Tennis Ball" She replies... "Geez, I bet that's painful, I had tennis elbow once and that really hurt like hell!"
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Originally Posted by Halfwit
