Old ATL Joke but still funny
This is for anyone who lives in Atlanta, Georgia, has ever lived in
Atlanta, has ever visited Atlanta, ever plans to visit Atlanta, knows
anyone who already lives in Atlanta, or knows anyone who has ever heard
of Atlanta.
Atlanta is composed mostly of one-way streets. ;The only way to get out
of downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach
Greenville, South Carolina .
All directions start with, "Go down Peachtree" and include the phrase,
"When you see the Waffle House." Except that in Cobb County, where all
directions begin with, "Go to the Big Chicken."
Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is not to be confused
with:
> Peachtree Circle
> Peachtree Place
> Peachtree Lane
> Peachtree Road
> Peachtree Parkway
> Peachtree Run
> Peachtree Terrace
> Peachtree Avenue
> Peachtree Commons
> Peachtree Battle
> Peachtree Corners
> New Peachtree
> Old Peachtree
> West Peachtree
> Peachtree-Dunwoody
> Peachtree-Chamblee
> Peachtree Industrial Boulevard
Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home. If you ask
anyone for directions, they will always send you down Peachtree.
Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola. Coke's all they drink there so don't
ask for any other soft drink unless it's made by Coca-Cola. Even if you
want something other than a Coca-Cola, it's still called Coke.
The gates at Atlanta's Hartsfield International Airport are about 32
miles away from the Main Concourse, so wear sneakers and pack a lunch.
The 8 am rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30 AM.
The 5 pm rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:30 PM. Friday's rush hour starts
Thursday afternoon and lasts through 2 am Saturday.
Only a native of Atlanta can pronounce Ponce De Leon Avenue, so do not
attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads
to the right and stare at you. The Atlanta pronunciation is "pawntz duh
LEE-awn."
And yes, they have a street named simply, "Boulevard."
The falling of one raindrop causes all drivers to immediately forget all
traffic rules. If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for
three days and it's on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes
for a week. Every grocery store will sell out of milk, bread, bottled
water, toilet paper, and beer.
I-285, the loop that encircles Atlanta, which has a posted speed limit
of 55 mph (but you have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from getting run
over), is known to truckers as "The Watermelon 500."
Don't believe the directional markers on highways: I-285 is marked East
and West but you may be going North or South. The locals identify the
direction by referring to the "Inner Loop" and the "Outer Loop."
If you travel on Hwy 92 North, you will actually be going southeast.
Never buy a ladder or mattress in Atlanta. Just go to one of the
interstates and you will soon find one in the middle of the road.
The last thing you want to do is give another driver the finger, unless
your car is armored, your trigger finger is itchy and your AK-47 has a
full clip.
Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Georgia.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Georgia, plus a
couple no one has seen before.
If it grows, it sticks.
If it crawls, it bites.
If you notice a vine trying to wrap itself around your leg, you have
about 20 seconds to escape, before you are completely captured and
covered with Kudzu,another ill-advised "import," like the Carp,
Starling, English Sparrow, and other 'exotic wonders'.
It's not a shopping cart, it's a buggy.
"Fixinto" is one word (I'm fixinto go to the store).
Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when
you're 2 years old.
"Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"
"Momma-nem" means: How's Mother and all of the other children and other
members of the family doing.
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Originally Posted by Brett
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