So im killing some kittens....

[ZeD]

I'm ****ing laughing so hard right now it's almost impossible to type this...

So after watching a few Alison Angel movies I get the urge to go on a kitten-killing spree. Open up a Masuimi Max vid and a few Naughty America flicks I dl'd. Also got a Naomi vid open.

Ready for business.

Fappin's away, kittens are dying mercilessly.

Gettin' ready to kill 'em all off and....

CRAMP

At the exact instant I'm stroking the death blow, my right leg cramps up. BAD. Possibly the worst leg cramp I've ever had in my life. So much pain. So much horror. So much...

I guess the instant pain from the cramp made me flex every muscle in my body. I musta shot about 6 feet in the air. Missed my face by inches. ****in' **** landed all over the place. Hit the top of my head, landed in my birthday cake, hit my mouse, laptop, ****ing everything. It was like gooey, kitten-death-filled rain.

But I can't move to do anything about it.

I'm in agonizing pain. I'm moaning like a 2 dollar hooker taking 3 ****s at once. I was REALLY loud. So loud, in fact, that one of the hotel workers knocked on the door. I was in too much pain to tell them to go away. I mean, I'm really ****ing howling.

So this mutha****a decides to open the damn door to see what's going on.

There's ****ing fap juice EVERYWHERE. I can't move. My tube steak is still in my hand. My shorts are at my ankles. WTF.

I'm really trying to get the words "GO THE **** AWAY" out, but I sounded like a retard with a mouth full of peanut butter.

The door opens.

IT'S A CHICK.



I don't even know what to type anymore. I can't imagine what she was thinking. All I remember was the look on her face... PRICELESS. It almost made my pain worth it. It was the craziest looking O face in the history of mankind. She froze in place for what felt like 10 minutes (more like 10 seconds though). Then, I swear on my sack...



She did that, exactly. I lol'd in between my yelps of pain. It made the leg cramp so worth it.

FOOTNOTES:
I fapped
I got leg cramp
I flung it everywhere, including my head and b-day cake
Immense pain
Hotel worker chick walks in


Kittens - 1/ZeD - 0

[Tracy]

I'm lost

[ZeD]

I'm lost

well we all know you're not the brightest crayon in the box tracy.

thats why i've got foot notes.. for people just like you.

[Whiteboy™]

LMFAO

[Spektrewing386]

you should have changed the story to where the hotel chick "helped you out"

[ZeD]

you should have changed the story to where the hotel chick "helped you out"

then the story would have been a facade.

[Tracy]

well we all know you're not the brightest crayon in the box tracy.

thats why i've got foot notes.. for people just like you.

I'm pretty bright. I just don't know what fapped is? Therefore, the notes don't really help.

[ZeD]

I'm pretty bright. I just don't know what fapped is? Therefore, the notes don't really help.

1. fap 3669 up, 500 down
The onomatopoeic representation of masturbation. Often used to suggest that something is attractive.

Did you see those Natalie Portman pics? *fap fap fap*

by Anonymous L-Value Oct 11, 2002

[Tracy]

1. fap 3669 up, 500 down
The onomatopoeic representation of masturbation. Often used to suggest that something is attractive.

Did you see those Natalie Portman pics? *fap fap fap*

by Anonymous L-Value Oct 11, 2002

That's what I figured....what does that have to do with killing kittens?

[ZeD]

That's what I figured....what does that have to do with killing kittens?

1. kill kittens 31 up, 8 down
To kill a kitten is to masterbate. Comes from the slogan, "Every time you masterbate, God kills a kitten"

Yo don't be killin' kittens in there!

Oh man she is too fine. I best go kill a kitten before somethin dreadful happens

[Whiteboy™]

lmfao

[Tracy]

Ok. Now it makes sense. Sorry that I'm not up on the masturbation slang. Somehow I don't understand how that makes me "not bright" .

[robbyrob016]

i lol'd. at that and for ZeD's need to translate haha.

[thecrazyone]

bwahahahahha. lirl.

lol at tracy and kittens

[ZeD]

i lol'd. at that and for ZeD's need to translate haha.

she's so shtoooopid.

[Tracy]

she's so shtoooopid.

Who is this anyways??? Kfunk or whatever?

[ZeD]

Who is this anyways??? Kfunk or whatever?

eh?

[Seckstar]

LMAO I should have been there to massage your cramp! You should have said "I'm Stuck" when she opened the door!!!

[Tracy]

eh?

I said: Who is this?

[ZeD]

I said: Who is this?

i am.. me? lol wtf

[Tracy]

i am.. me? lol wtf

Ok, smart a$$. Because of your statement "well we all know you're not the brightest crayon in the box tracy." and your join date of November, 2007 and the banned under your user name...I think it's safe to assume that you are an old member who got banned. That being said, who are you? Make more sense?

[ZeD]

Ok, smart a$$. Because of your statement "well we all know you're not the brightest crayon in the box tracy." and your join date of November, 2007 and the banned under your user name...I think it's safe to assume that you are an old member who got banned. That being said, who are you? Make more sense?

no not really, i was banned for being assumed a banned member, and i haven't bothered to change it. i was only joking, dont take it so seriously pumpkin.

[Tracy]

no not really, i was banned for being assumed a banned member, and i haven't bothered to change it. i was only joking, dont take it so seriously pumpkin.

I'm not taking it serious, Kayfunk. I was just asking who this was, sugar butt.

[ZeD]

I'm not taking it serious, Kayfunk. I was just asking who this was, sugar butt.

sour puss.

[Psycho]

heh, dangley parts.

[Whiteboy™]

8=======D~~~~~Skeet~~~~~Skeet~~~~~

[Psycho]

^So hows that military life goin for ya, boy? You get to break any durka heads off yet?

[Whiteboy™]

I don't leave for boot camp til 20080813

[4DRGSR]

LOL, at you ,lock the door next time.

[ZeD]

LOL, at you ,lock the door next time.

yea.. but i didnt think someone would just bust in!

[AnthonyF]

Who is this anyways??? Kfunk or whatever?

kayfunk is banned. we chill together all the time. he doesnt get on ia anymore. frign transbiatch

[Tracy]

yea.. but i didnt think someone would just bust in!

We travel like every weekend. If we don't deadbolt, they bust in every time. They say "house keeping" and walk in before they are done even saying it.

It is Kayfunk. I can tell by ow he types

[ZeD]

We travel like every weekend. If we don't deadbolt, they bust in every time. They say "house keeping" and walk in before they are done even saying it.

It is Kayfunk. I can tell by ow he types

I had a donot disturb thing in the key thingy majigger :[, and im totaly not this kayfunk guy.

[Tracy]

I had a donot disturb thing in the key thingy majigger :[, and im totaly not this kayfunk guy.

Then you better switch up your typng and story telling style. Apparently no one liked Kayfunk beside me and Trym4.0 You might also want to atop acting like you know so much about members on IA and IA itself....if you are just a random noob who signed up this month

[ZeD]

Then you better switch up your typng and story telling style. Apparently no one liked Kayfunk beside me and Trym4.0 You might also want to atop acting like you know so much about members on IA and IA itself....if you are just a random noob who signed up this month

ill work on that :\

[Mr. Clean]

tracy's going straight detective up this *****... watch out now.

[Tracy]

I'm not a detective. I'm just observant :P Like I said already...I liked Kayfunk. Then again, I always like the person that no one else likes. Oh well, if it's not him then it's not him. Sometimes Sherlock is wrong...I suppose.

[ZeD]

I'm not a detective. I'm just observant :P Like I said already...I liked Kayfunk. Then again, I always like the person that no one else likes. Oh well, if it's not him then it's not him. Sometimes Sherlock is wrong...I suppose.

yea.. shtoopid!

just because you wear a monocle doesn't make you smart!

[SicStang03]

Kayfunk was just a tall *****...

E-****= Blllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll llllllllllllllllllllD

REAL ****= BlllD

[Schugg]

I don't leave for boot camp til 20080813

haha already using that bs military date format. i hate that sh!t, but to be honest you dont use it much after basic, and tech school.(in the airforce anyway, thats what im in) what did you join? does your recruiter make you call every friday and say "SIR trainee *name* reports as ordered!" i joined last feb, i got luck as hell and ended up with a mon-fri/7-3 job, and its easy as hell. aside from all the military BS its not that bad, and being stuck in the middle of no where