A guy goes to the U.S. Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "have you been in the service?"

"Yes," he says. "I was in Viet Nam for three years"

The interviewer says, "That will give you extra points toward employment"

and then asks, "Are you disabled in any way?

The guy says, "Yes 100%...a mortar round exploded near me and blew my Testicles off."

The interviewer tells the guy, "O.K. I can hire you right now. The Hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00A.M."

The guy is puzzled and says, "If the hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 A.M.?"

"This is a government job" the interviewer says. "For the first two hours we stand around scratching our balls...no point in you coming in for that."



mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery. Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen!
"I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz," said the mortician, "but I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity."
With that, the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's unit. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed it to was his wife.
"I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened up his briefcase.
"Oh my God!" the wife screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"