Need Some Advice!

[Nemesis]

Im sure everyone has expierienced going out with someone that has controlling parents, but I need some advice. Im 22, currently in a serious relationship with my girlfriend of almost a year now (shes 21). Every year, theres a national meet/get together/ whatever you want to call it for my model car. Much like Volks Fest/ Tib Fest, etc etc. Im trying really hard to get my girlfriend to go to this meet with me in Indianapolis, and im not sure if this is going to work. Once before Ive done something to where shes been able to go on vacation with me, via an elaborate plan I devised to work against her parents. Everything worked out fine and we had a wonderful 4 days of vacation. However, this time around its a little more complicated. Shes supossedly going to a "dental hygiene conference", for college students with her friend Carrie. Ive devised up fake brochures , pamphlets, and inforamtion about this conference to last Wednesday - Sunday. However, the worst part of this whole thing is actually picking her up and dropping her off. Wednesday morning originally I was going to get a girl that I know to pick her up just in case her mom walks out. However, that one girl I had in mind, backed out. Now im stuck with no one. Ive got to figure something out, and was wondering what you thought? Do you think all of this is worth the risk?
I have a fairly decent relationship with her parents I guess, and I think theres some sort of trust towards me. Im pondering the thought of going to her house tonight after work, before we head out to see a movie, to maybe talk to her mom about letting her go with me. I have a funny feeling its not going to work this time. So what do you all think?

Id really appreciate some serious advice on this.


Thanks
George

[drupason]

the truth will set you free my son! lol

[Nemesis]

the truth will set you free my son! lol

im slowly starting to think that. lol

I dont think id have a bad time up there alone with just a bunch of friend I know. But shes taken an interest in my car "activities", and I know shed have a blast caravaning and what not. Just trying to figure out the best way to do it, is another story. Do I risk getting possibly caught or Do I risk asking straight up and getting shot down?

[SwiftGTiRacer]

I would be honest with her parents. I would have her talk with her parents and make sure she brings up the fact that she is now 21 (100% legal). Then i would have a serious talk with her dad & mom. Reminding them how serious you two are even though you are still young in thier eyes. Just point out the obvious but be polite about it. Hope that helps ya out.

Swifty

[drupason]

itll just be tough for you now that you already started the whole deceivery process

[Nemesis]

I could just say I guess, when she mentioned it at dinner the other night (she actually did), and I didnt act like I knew about. I could just tell her parents that when she mentioned it I realized that those days landed on the same days she be leaving for that " conference" and shed rather go with me to that instead.

[Kermit]

Are you serious? If so, I think that even if you are successful in this devious plot it will come back to bite you later. What are you going to do if/when the two of you become more serious and take trips more frequently? In any event, why can't she drive her car somewhere and leave it there, perhaps your house? Or, you could come up with an entirely new plan, maybe that the two of you are joining the Peace Corp and are being sent to Madagascar to assist in the ongoing humanitarian efforts. Or, maybe you could say that she won a trip to Indy to watch the rebirth of the previously extinct Norwegian Purple-Toed Duck-Billed Platipus.

[Nemesis]

lol

I have a feeling if she said she wanted to drive her car and leave it over at the other girls place, her parents would offer to drop her off, rather than risking leaving her car unattended for almost a week.

[HEATON]

HOLY FUCK she's 21 but has to ask permission to go out of town... jus tell her P's yall fuckin, been for a while, and wont stop. If they get pissed they needa grow up like she does and not worry bout what her mommy and daddy says about what she does with her life. sorry if i sounded rude, but the truth hurts.

[drupason]

yea it is time for her to have that talk with her parents..shes a big girl now..lol

[Nemesis]

You're right Heaton.

Thats also another thing, she has tried to say that before, but her step dad simply says , "well as long your under my roof.. " type thing and she cant do anything about it. Plus shes still in college, and doesnt have an amazing job where she can pay for everything like rent.

[LaurenK]

That's a sticky situation...Are her parents religious or something? Is she a Virgin?

I understand that if she lives at home, that overall her parents can still tell her what to do, but they have to understand that she is a 21 year old woman! But, until she moves out...they can ultimatly tell her what to do. In this case, I think it would be a bad idea to talk to her parents. They may hit you with..."why is it that you want our daughter on vacation with you?" or something to that effect. They may think you have bad intentions...
I would go with your original plan. I mean she has to have another g/f that can cover for her...

[Tiff-O-Bitties]

ummm... she's 21 hello... an adult.. you are an adult... she needs to act like it and so do you, tell the damn truth.. it's not that hard.

[Nemesis]

Lauren,

thanks for the advice. Her parents are "semi-religious" if that makes sense. We both go to church every so often, but her parents dont. Im thinking it might also be a bad idea to talk to her parents also. And you're right, they probably would hit me with something like that. On our last little "vacation". I arranged to pick her up extremely early, early enough to where her parents werent really awake, waited two houses down and then she hopped in the car and we left. Problem is, Ill have to use my car to pick her up, which my car really isnt quiet in a neighborhood that early in the AM , of course I could try to keep it down under 1500rpms, but still. Her friends seem a little reluctant to help. Is there any girl here thats blonde and would be willing to help out? Im willing to pay a little for the trouble?

[HEATON]

If the relationship is as serious as you say..why not let her be "under your roof" If her P's pay for her college also, they pretty much own ur balls...

[Nemesis]

ummm... she's 21 hello... an adult.. you are an adult... she needs to act like it and so do you, tell the damn truth.. it's not that hard.

If she and I told the truth all the damn time , she wouldnt have been able to do half the things we've done. ( Go on a vacation, go to local meets, go to Importshowdown) All crap like that. For Import Showdown she told her parents she was going to Six Flags. lol I have no problem telling the truth if her parents were understanding and they trusted me and her, but its not the case. She cant "just move out", and bitching to her parents about her being 21 wont help the situation either.

[LaurenK]

Why can't she drive wherever and leave her car at one of her friends house's. Then she can say, she left with her friend from there...sounds like her friends are very good one's!

[Tiff-O-Bitties]

I still vote for you not to be a pussy and tell her parents the truth... as drew said, the truth will set you free my son

[LaurenK]

It's not that easy...Dear.

From the way you talk about your Dad, u should be one to understand where he is coming from...

[Tiff-O-Bitties]

yes, it is.. i did it when i was 17... someone who's 21 can do it too, especially if it's really that serious and they're in love, blah blah blah

yea i know, but that's sooo different cause me and my dad haven't gotten along in years... yea we love each other, but we're not tight...

[Nemesis]

yes, it is.. i did it when i was 17... someone who's 21 can do it too, especially if it's really that serious and they're in love, blah blah blah

yea i know, but that's sooo different cause me and my dad haven't gotten along in years... yea we love each other, but we're not tight...

Im not afraid to tell the truth, but by telling them the truth, we probably ruin the only chance Id probably get her to go with me to this event.

[LaurenK]

Well, she can't tell her parents that if she wants a place to live and her parents to respect her...
As much as my Father ticked me off, when making me come home at 11, when All my friends had a 1 o-clock curfew, I wasn't going to sit there and tell him to fuck off'...
My Mother had a curfew when she was engaged the night before she got married... when My supervisor lived with her parents at 34, and she had a curfew then. Some parents are just that way...

[Tiff-O-Bitties]

it's one event out of years and years ahead of you... stop living for today man, live for the future

[LaurenK]

If you don't live for today, you can't live for the future.

[Jaimecbr900]

As a parent of a girl that thank goodness has not reached that age yet, I can tell you that if this was my daughter I would have a BIGGGG problem with that situation that would only get BIGGER if I found out later that YOU, the guy that is dating my daughter, comprised this elaborate scheme to lie to me.

My parents were ultra strict. Lauren's story is very similar to mine, except my curfew was 10 pm. Yep, 10 pm. The only time I ever saw post midnight curfew was on my SENIOR prom night, and that was 2 a.m. only after all my buddies nagged my Dad for a week. They got to stay out all night. I had to go home at 2.

Point is that now that I'm a father, I 10000% see exactly what they were so strict about. Some of yall will too some day. And one of those things you build on for years and years with your children is TRUST. They have to trust you to do certain things and you trust them to do certain things. It takes years to build that trust and only a second to break it. Once you are a parent, you will see why some strict parents are they way they are. I fought my Dad tooth and nail my whole teen life. I was the black sheep of the family. I was ALWAYS in trouble. Now, my Dad and I have a great relationship because I truly understand how difficult I made him and my mom's life unneccessarily. They would've had more trust in me if I hadn't been such a helion, and I would've understood why they did things if I only took the time to understand beyond the front of my feet.

I am very strict with my kids now too. On the other hand, I also spend tons of time with them and talk with them all the time. They have free reign to talk to both of us, as long as they are respectful. I also spoil my kids rotten when they deserve it. We make huge to do's about grades and manners. They are very good children most of the time.

There will always be a pecking order in every household. Some households the KIDS are the rulers and other the PARENTS are the one's in charge. People can choose to be in either or somewhere in the middle. But regardless of which side you're on, if you disrespect that pecking order.....you will rightfully get what's coming to you eventually.

My long ass .

[LaurenK]

I understand what you are saying...and I'm not a parent, but to an extent I agree with you.
I do think, however, that her being 21...her parents should trust her enough, being a grown woman to make the right decisions...
I also think, that if you are "too strict" then all your children will do is rebel against you and end up lying all the time to do what they please. To have a good relationship with a child and ensure they are making the right decisions, you have to give them a chance (to prove themselves trustworthy)...especially at 21 years old!
It would be a different story if she was 16.
The question he asked was "what can I do to get her to go with me???" Obviously the parents aren't going to budge.

[Jaimecbr900]

I do think, however, that her being 21...her parents should trust her enough, being a grown woman to make the right decisions...

And although I am a parent, I tend to agree with you on that. At 21, she should have her parents trust enough to be able to be open about things like this.

I also think, that if you are "too strict" then all your children will do is rebel against you and end up lying all the time to do what they please.

True, but you also have to agree that you know infinitely more now than you did 5 yrs ago. By the same token, you can not give children free reign to do as they please all the time simply because sometimes they don't know any better and you do. Children will see it as parents trying to "keep them" from something they want, while parents see it as avoiding a train wreck.

Again, I am one of those strict parents products. I rebelled more than you'll ever know. It was still a mistake. Mistakes that in all honesty almost cost me my life several times. Because of those near misses is why I am as strict as I am now. You NEVER want your children, much as they try, to fall down and hurt themselves. Literally and figuretively (sp?). Sometimes you have to, so they see some things hurt and they won't do it again. Other times, you really can't take that luxury of them "trying" the waters. It is those times that parents HAVE to make the tough decisions that are both not popular nor understood by your children. But that is what parents are there to do, guide and prepare their children to be productive adults on their own. Just like a boss. They make all the tough decisions, but they also get paid very well for that. Parents are like that, some decisions hurt because they are tough....yet the rewards so much out weight those hurtful times that you come back to do it all again the next day.

To have a good relationship with a child and ensure they are making the right decisions, you have to give them a chance (to prove themselves trustworthy)...especially at 21 years old!

Again, I agree with you, but we also can second guess her parents until the cows come home. Only SHE and her parents can get to the root of why a 21 yr old can't be treated like a 21 yr old. They may even reach a happy medium. Who knows. I know that if they don't talk about it and merely hide it and lie about it, it WILL get worse before getting better. Just the act of bringing things out on the table sometimes is the catalysts parents need to realize that their "baby" is no longer a baby.

The question he asked was "what can I do to get her to go with me???" Obviously the parents aren't going to budge.

I know girl, but maybe the answer was: "Ask her parents and don't lie" or "This time she can't go". Remember, the right answers aren't always popular. It still doesn't change the fact that they are right. Just that they aint popular.

[RandomGuy]

id crack up if sum1 emailed a link to this thread to her parents lolz..


good luck and ur devised plan is the safe way out... do it...think about the future later and if they find out... how long can they be mad???

[LaurenK]

Absolutely, I do agree that I have LEARNED TONS within the past 5 years...that's why I said that "It would be a different story if she was 16"...her parents need to give her some freedom at 21. I am sure that her decision making skills are a little better than they were then...
I think as far as her parents go...only she or Nemesis can really say "why" her parents safe-guard her so much at 21. And you are right, we don't know why they make their judgements the way they do...so that's left up in the air. From what Nemesis says, she seems like an average 21 yr. old, and it's her parents that have all these ridiculous insecurities. Maybe she's the BABY, or something! lol...
The thing is...it seems that every time this situation comes up, they always say "NO". I don't agree with lying...I think if you can avoid that, then if at all possible, do so...but in this case...it's a lose lose dilema.
If she tells the truth, she still won't be able to go. If she lies, she is disappointing her parents. Either way, it's going to suck for someone. She needs to move out! lol...she need a room mate!??!! I wanna move out too!

[Nemesis]

The biggest reason probably is, shes the first of her family to challenge her parents. Funny thing is, that she is the youngest. Her sister is 23 , never had a boyfriend. And her brother is 24 , graduated from College, and never had a girlfriend. Funny thing is, shes looks NOTHING like her brother or sister. But when shes out doing things on the weekend, her brother and sister are stuck in their rooms all day doing nothing but being on the computer. They will probably always live at home.

[4dmin]

wtf i would just fucking go, parents need to just deal w/ it... and if its the case she just won't step up to her parents then maybe you need to start looking for a girlfriend w/ a little more back bone. thats way too much fucking work for a gf, your not in high school

[LaurenK]

Yea, but maybe she wants a place to live when she comes home...

[Julio]

Thats a weird family.. I mean, what Parents would still try controlling there 21 year old son or daughter now a days? Not many..

Just be Honest with them, Bro... Lying to them now, Could turn out to be worst in the future.

[LaurenK]

So, basically until you get married, or she moves out...It's gonna suck...

[quickdodge®]

This is part of what's wrong with this world. Later, QD.

[LaurenK]

LOL..."U" are part of what's wrong with the world QD...lol...