Problems and solutions...

[quickdodge®]

This has been around for a bit, but I always find it funny as hail:

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then
the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.

By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.

Later, QD.

[EvasiveEF9]

I like 'em. Used to fly frequently and had family that worked with American Airlines.

Also, i've got a friend in the navy. He's an aircraft mechanice for the (I think this is right) p3 Orion...

Either way...for him and his crew to mark the plane has been repaired, they take a handful of grease and draw a penis on the side of the aircraft, and put it out of the hangar.

[nx2000det]

old and a repost

[quickdodge®]

old and a repost

You wouldn't know if it was a repost. Get your panties unwadded and come back when your sack has fallen out of your stomach. Later, QD.

[nx2000det]

i like my panties just the way they are.

[quickdodge®]

Which has been shown as obvious since you came to this site. Later, QD.

[nx2000det]

do you have any friends?
you sound bitter about life...

[EvasiveEF9]

do you have any friends?

No, just nutswingers..

LoL @ IA's inside joke.

Oh, and he also has a job, life, and some family. Those are other common questions.

[quickdodge®]

do you have any friends?

This is none of your concern. You should focus more on better educating yourself and proper life enhancing etiquette.

you sound bitter about life...

I'm quite fine. I just hate stupid people and I don't mind letting them know it. Later, QD.

[nx2000det]

throw some of your out there

[quickdodge®]

throw some of your out there

Without hesitation. Later, QD.

[Ltdnismorace]

P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.

midgets, haha FTMFW

[AgentEasy]

LMAO !!!! QD.. you got this one.. lol and +1 for you..mang..

how about this for a math problem tho..

You+me-clothes/your legs and we'll x

[AgentEasy]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to quickdodge® again.


bummer..