Ok, here's how you pick up chicks guys....
1.) You gotta completely rice out your car. Wings, graphics, bodykit, etc. It doesn't have to go fast or look good, it just has to say 0MG LQQK @ M3 I G0+ 4 RYC3R I'M 4 HAW+ 5+R33+ R4C3R!!!!111!!!
2.) Be rude to EVERYONE. Cut people off in traffic, talk shit about people behind their backs, give people dirty looks. You gotta be THUG LIFE 4-EVA DAWG. You want to get noticed, and make a memorable first impression, right?
3.) Show 'em you got money. The easiest way to do this is to spend a shitload of money on your car (see #1), your clothes, and your phone. Don't worry about having a REAL job, you can just steal peoples wheels or sell drugs (lots of slutty women like drugs... so this is the perfect job). As a last resort there's always work in gay porn. You can live w/ your parents to cut down on unnecessary expenses like rent, bills, etc. The important thing is to show the ladies you can provide for them by blowing your $$$ on useless crap.
4.) Good muscle tone is essential to impressing the ladies. A safe and effective way to build muscle is through the use of steroids. You can find steroids in almost any good gym. Just look for the biggest guy and ask him, he will know. If you can find a cat with feline lukemia, you can also get steroids from a veternarian. Cats with lukemia don't live very long, however. Edit: Steroids are expensive, but you can cut down on the expense by sharing needles. If no one at the gym is willing to share, find the nearest junkie. If you are selling drugs (see #3) this should be easy to do.
5.) Be sure to wear as much cologne as you possibly can without breaking out into a rash or something. Also be sure to observe good posture, puff out your chest and flex your arms. A tube sock stuffed into the crotch of your pants is also recommended.
6.) Go to the skankiest club you can find. These are the places that they advertise on the radio. Wherever the radio station is broadcasting live from on Friday night... thats where you wanna be.
7.) When you are "in the club" there aren't any real rules to approaching a lady. Just find the girl who is by herself or on the phone, get behind her and start thrusting. Actual ability to dance is unnecessary. You remembered to bring the tube sock, right?
8.) Remember that women like a man who is in charge. Be sure to treat your woman right. See #2.
9.) Cock-block at every opportunity. If you aren't getting any, why should your friends be? Simply tell your friend's girl "you know Dave has Herpes, right?" when old Dave is not looking. The less hot women are taken by other men, the more that are there for you.
10.) If all else fails, you can find hookers on craigslist under the "services" section. Have fun
Edited because I thought of more
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Originally Posted by NawzDawg!!1!
I can't believe you took the time to write all that, but it's funny!
