Tasteless Joke Thread (If your easily offended GTFO)

[MongolPup]

Now I know you guys know some terrible jokes judging by what you type everyday; let's condense them into this thread lol.



I'll start it off:



What part of a vegetable can you not fit in a blender?



The hospital bed.

[Hulud]

Why did the women love jesus?











































Cause he was hung like this....

[EP3sAreFun]

IF anyone has seen Full Metal Jacket....

How do you stop 5 black guys from rapeing a white girl?

throw them a basketball

[Hulud]

Top Ten Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Jesus
10. No one will kill you for not drinking beer.
9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.
8. Beer has never caused a major war.
7. They don't force beer on minors who can't think for themselves.
6. When you have beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.
5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured to death over his brand of beer.
4. You don't have to wait 2,000+ years for a second beer.
3. There are laws saying that beer labels can't lie to you.
2. You can prove you have a beer.
1. If you have devoted your life to beer, there are groups to help you stop.

[Hulud]

A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game. During the game the guys notice that the girl knows just as much about the game as they do, and they're really impressed. After the game they ask her "how is it that you know so much about baseball?"

She says, "Well, I used to be a guy and got a sex change." The guys are amazed, but very curious about the process. "What was the most painful part of the process? Was it when they cut off your penis?"

"That was very painful, but was not the most painful part."

"Was it when they cut off your balls?"

"That was very painful, but was not the most painful part."

"What was the most painful part?"

"The part that hurt the most was when they... cut my salary in half!"

[Hulud]

Headline: Robert Kennedy, Sonny Bono split over tree decision.

[Hulud]

What doesnt belong on this list, meat, eggs, wife, blowjob?


































You can beat your meat, your eggs, and your wife, but you cant beat a blowjob

[ShooterMcGavin]

:lmao: reps if i can :goodjob:

[Hulud]

Why did Hitler kill himself?

He saw the gas bill.

[Hulud]

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street, and a 8 year old boy is walking on the other side, and the priest says "Let's fuck that little boy" and the rabbi says "Out of what?"

[Hulud]

What did the woman say to Michael Jackson while at the beach?

"You're in my son"

[Hulud]

Two condoms were walking by a gay bar, one says to the other "lets go in and get shit faced!"

[Hulud]

What do you call a white guy in the ocean?

A saltine cracker.

[Hulud]

A Polish guy and an Italian guy were deer hunting in the woods, when all of a sudden a beautiful naked woman appears from behind a tree.

The Italian man licked his lips and exclaimed: "Mama mia, I could eat you all night long"

The Polish guy shot her.

[Hulud]

What is a woman doing when she is staring at a blank piece of paper?


Reading her rights

[Hulud]

why aren't there many woman philosophers?


Cause there's no philosophy in the kitchen.

[Hulud]

There are 5 white guys in a Cadillac. They drive off the Grand Canyon. What is sad about this story?
A Cadillac seats 6.

[Bishop]

Top Ten Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Jesus
10. No one will kill you for not drinking beer.
9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.
8. Beer has never caused a major war.
7. They don't force beer on minors who can't think for themselves.
6. When you have beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.
5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured to death over his brand of beer.
4. You don't have to wait 2,000+ years for a second beer.
3. There are laws saying that beer labels can't lie to you.
2. You can prove you have a beer.
1. If you have devoted your life to beer, there are groups to help you stop.
BAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHA :goodjob: :goodjob: :goodjob: :goodjob: :goodjob:

[Mr_Mischif]

What did the woman say to Michael Jackson while at the beach?

"You're in my son"

:thinking:


A Polish guy and an Italian guy were deer hunting in the woods, when all of a sudden a beautiful naked woman appears from behind a tree.

The Italian man licked his lips and exclaimed: "Mama mia, I could eat you all night long"

The Polish guy shot her.

:thinking::thinking:


There are 5 white guys in a Cadillac. They drive off the Grand Canyon. What is sad about this story?
A Cadillac seats 6.

:lmfao::lmfao::lmfao::goodjob::goodjob:

[quickdodge®]

What's the definition of confusion?




Father's Day in Harlem.

Later, QD.

[MongolPup]

lol when did the (If your easily) get added?

[Hulud]

:thinking:
in as in sex




:thinking::thinking:
polish people eat anything literally




:lmfao::lmfao::lmfao::goodjob::goodjob:
good shit right there lol

[GTScoob]

Time to cue up the Aristocrats.

[Hektik]

Two condoms were walking by a gay bar, one says to the other "lets go in and get shit faced!":lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao:

+1

[Hulud]

lol when did the (If your easily) get added?
10 mins ago, i did it myself, cause someone will get their panties in a wad

[Hulud]

Who wants dead baby jokes?

[MongolPup]

10 mins ago, i did it myself, cause someone will get their panties in a wad

Good call. I'm just glad this shit has new life; it has such potential.

[quickdodge®]

What's red and sits in a corner?

A baby with fork stuck in it.

Later, QD.

[quickdodge®]

What's blue and sits in the corner?


That same baby two weeks later. Later, QD.

[thecrazyone]

how many babies does it take to paint a house?



depends how hard you throw them.

[Hulud]

How do you get 100 dead babies into a phone booth?


A wood chipper.

How do you get them out?


Tostitos

[thecrazyone]

what walks in circles and cries?


a baby with its foot nailed to the floor.

[quickdodge®]

What's sicker than a pile of dead babies?

A: The live one trying to eat it's way out.

Later, QD.

[Hulud]

How do you make an 8 year old boy cry twice in the same day?

Wipe your bloody dick on his teddy bear

[Hulud]

What do you get when you stab a baby with a pencil?



A boner.

[Hulud]

How do you make a baby float?




2 scoops ice cream, one scoop dead baby.

[Hulud]

What is black and blue, cries and hates sex?


The 8 year old in my closet.

[thecrazyone]

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?


When you jump on a trampoline, you take your shoes off.

[Mr_Mischif]

in as in sex

O shit my eyes are fucking up cuz I thought she said "you're my son" instead lolz.

[Hulud]

This one will kill the thread i think....




What's the difference between a dead baby and my girlfriend?




































I don't kiss my girlfriend after sex.

[Hulud]

What's the difference between a dead baby and a table?















You can't fuck a table.

[thecrazyone]

What's sicker than driving over a baby?


Skidding.

[Hulud]

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari?





I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

[Mr_Mischif]

What is black and blue, cries and hates sex?


The 8 year old in my closet.

Damn Hulud, you might be hangin around George too long on this one. Tell me it's a girl, but then that would mean you've been hanging too much around Ran.

[thecrazyone]

that was fun.

[Hulud]

What's the difference between a dead baby and a rock??




You can't fuck a rock.

[Hulud]

Damn Hulud, you might be hangin around George too long on this one. Tell me it's a girl, but then that would mean you've been hanging too much around Ran.
where do you think i got the joke from?

Ran of course

[MongolPup]

How can you tell when your at a gay cook-out?


All the hotdogs taste like shit.

[MongolPup]

How do you know it's midnight at Michael Jackson's house?


The big hand touches the little hand.

[MongolPup]

What do Michael Jackson and mice have in common?


They both like to squeeze into small holes.

[MongolPup]

What do Michael Jackson and Macy's have in common?


Little boys pants half off.

[Hulud]

What is the difference between a baby and a onion?



No one cries when you chop up the baby.

[Hulud]

What is the difference between a dead baby and a water melon?




One's fun to hit with a sledge hammer, the other one's a water melon.

[BTLFED]

If a gay man and a lesbian are in a burning apartment, who's going to escape first?



































The gay man. He already has his shit packed.

[BTLFED]

Courtesy of my homie Jason:

What kind of meat does a priest eat on Sunday?


























Nun.

[BTLFED]

What does a blind man say when he walks by a fish store?
































"Morning Ladies"

[Hulud]

...

[Hulud]

and btw, that babys not dead

[ShooterMcGavin]

:lmfao: damn this shit really took off

[R.Kelly]

polish people eat anything literally




i thought it was because pollocks (polish people) are supposedly dumb

[Hulud]

i thought it was because pollocks (polish people) are supposedly dumb
both

[Hulud]

you know whats really fucked up?

right after postin the baby jokes, my co-worker calls me and asks me to go in to work a couple hours early tomorrow, because her friends baby died friday and the funeral is monday at 12

[ShooterMcGavin]

^^^good thing ur not gonna be at the funeral...

[R.Kelly]

^^^good thing ur not gonna be at the funeral...

:lmfao::lmfao::lmfao::lmfao::lmfao::lmfao::lmfao:

[Jecht]

^^^good thing ur not gonna be at the funeral...

ROFL :lmfao::lmfao::lmfao::lmfao::lmfao::lmfao::lmfao:

I was going to post the ferrari/dead baby one, but Hulud beat me to it of course.

[R3RUN]

Probably heard these before but.......

Whats long, black, and smells like shit?





Unemployment line.

.................................................. ...........................

How many jews can you fit in a car?





2 in the front 3 in the back and 6 million in the ashtray.

.................................................. ............................

Who was the greatest jewish baker?



Hitler

.................................................. ............................

What's the difference between a dead baby and a dead deer?



The deer has skidmarks in front of it.

[Hulud]

^^^good thing ur not gonna be at the funeral...
hey i would be the comic relief

[ALLMoToR]

There is a priest who is summoned by the archbishop. He had to leave for several days. So he looked for a priest to fill in for him in the confession box. He called every priest he knew. None were available. He finally called a Rabbi. The Rabbi said "I don't know, our religions are very different." The priest said "It's okay you line the sin up with the punishment on this chart." The rabbi gave in and decided to fill in. The next few days the rabbi listened to confessions and helped the people. The third day a man came in and said"Father forgive me for I have sinned." Rabbi: How have you sinned?" Person: I had anal sex." The rabbi was stumped for that sin was not on the chart. So the rabbi asked the man to wait. The rabbi asked everyone what the punishment was for anal sex. Finally the altar boy walked in. The rabbi asked what does the father give you for anal sex? The altar boy replied "Usually two cookies and a glass of milk."

[ALLMoToR]

A young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor. "Young lady," said the doctor, "you're pregnant."


"But that can't be. The only men I've been with are nudists and in our colony we practise sex only with our eyes."


"Well my dear," said the doctor, "someone in that colony is cockeyed."

[ALLMoToR]

An 8 year old boy walks home from school each day past an 8 year old girls house. One day as he is passing by, carrying a football, he can't resist taunting the girl. He holds up the football and says,
"See this football? Football is a boys game, and only boys can have a football!".


The little girl runs into the house and cries to her mother, "I want a football!" Being a woman of the 90's, her mother runs out and gets her one. The next day the girl is waiting for the little boy and he rides up on his bike.


She holds up the football... "Nah Na Nah Nah".


The little boy angrily points to his bike and says,
"Oh yeah, well this is a boys bike and only boys get boys bikes and you can't have one!"


She runs in to mom and the next day is waiting for him on her new boys bike.


The little boy gets furious and pulls down his pants, and pointing to his most private of parts says,
"Look, only boys have these and your mom can't buy you one!!!".


The next day he walks by and says to her,
"Well, I guess I showed you!" to which she promptly pulls up her dress, points to her parts and proclaims "My mother tells me that as long as I have one of these I can have as many of THOSE as I want!"

[ALLMoToR]

There was this lady and she really wanted to have sex, but she was to scared to ask her husband so she went to a jipsy and told her her problem.

The jipsy rummaged around in a chest and pulled out a pickle jar with a penis in it, and said "All you have to do is open the jar and say 'Pickle penis my vigina' and it will start having sex with you".

So later she tries out the pickle penis and it works great. That is until her husband walks in and he shouts "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT" and the woman says "It's a pickled penis"

Unfortunately her husband replied "PICKLE PENIS MY ASS"

[ALLMoToR]

Little Johnny was taking a shower with his grandma.

He casually asked,"Grandma whats that?" She quickly replied, "That's my beaver". Little Johnny didnt say another word.

Two days later he was taking a shower with his mom. Little Johnny asked,"Mommy whats that?" She replied, "Well Johnny thats my beaver."

Little Johnny thought for a bit and said,"Well grandmas beaver must be dying her tongues hanging out!!"

[Jecht]

Probably heard these before but.......

Whats long, black, and smells like shit?

Unemployment line.


A twist on that:

Whats long, black, and smells like shit?

A gay black man's dick.



/thread.

[Prickbass]

why do police dogs lick there ass?

to get the taste of the (ethnic slure) out there mouth

why are (ethnic slure) so fast?

they spent the first nine months dodging a coat hanger?

whats better than a 12 yearold asin girl?

bending her over and pretending she is a 12 year old asin boy

[8bangin302]

IF anyone has seen Full Metal Jacket....

How do you stop 5 black guys from rapeing a white girl?

throw them a basketball



:lmfao: :lmfao:

[JoeyKazez]

A friend told me this one, so don't go thinking I am some sick freak for this.



What is the difference between a dead baby and an apple?












I don't cum on an apple before I eat it.

[Brady]

whats worse than 10 dead babies in a trash can?

1 dead baby in ten trash cans.

[Kyle]

How do you make a dead baby float?

Take your foot of it's head.

[Kyle]

NVM repost.

[Kyle]

A friend told me this one, so don't go thinking I am some sick freak for this.



What is the difference between a dead baby and an apple?







I don't cum on an apple before I eat it.


HAhahah. That is funny and sick as hell. As you see I wrote nevermind in a message, thats cause I was going to post it, figuring no one else knew such a sick joke....Guess I was wrong.

[Hulud]

A friend told me this one, so don't go thinking I am some sick freak for this.



What is the difference between a dead baby and an apple?












I don't cum on an apple before I eat it.
damn thats worse than the one i posted here ill quote it for easy reference

whats the difference between a dead baby and a girlfriend?


i dont kiss my girlfriend after sex

[ahmonrah]

Headline: Robert Kennedy, Sonny Bono split over tree decision.:eek: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

SKIPPITTYY-DO-BOP, SKIPPITTY-DEE....SONNY BONO SKIS,HORSES AND HITTIN SOME TREES.....AHH!
emimen, sick yet very my style type bastard!

[ahmonrah]

Two condoms were walking by a gay bar, one says to the other "lets go in and get shit faced!"aaaaaaaaaaaaahhahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
~cough~
~cough~
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahaha !


What do you get when you cross an elephant with a poodle? A dead poodle with an 18 inch asshole.

[ahmonrah]

What's the definition of confusion?




Father's Day in Harlem.

Later, QD.oooooooooohhhhhh..............
:lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao:

[ahmonrah]

What do you call 6.9?
A good 69 interrupted by a period....



What do you call a period?

A bloody waste of fucking time.

[Hulud]

What do you call 6.9?
A good 69 interrupted by a period....



What do you call a period?

A bloody waste of fucking time.
hahaha

[Ran]

where do you think i got the joke from?

Ran of courseWTF? I don't remember this. :lmfao:

[Sport1.3]

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume!

[Sport1.3]

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome

[Sport1.3]

What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
Art.

[Sport1.3]

What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A baby playing in a plastic bag.

[Sport1.3]

What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.

[Kyle]

What does a baby look like after it's been in a blender?

Give me a minute.

[{X}Echo419]

Top Ten Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Jesus
10. No one will kill you for not drinking beer.
9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.
8. Beer has never caused a major war.
7. They don't force beer on minors who can't think for themselves.
6. When you have beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.
5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured to death over his brand of beer.
4. You don't have to wait 2,000+ years for a second beer.
3. There are laws saying that beer labels can't lie to you.
2. You can prove you have a beer.
1. If you have devoted your life to beer, there are groups to help you stop.
Top 10 Reasons Why Ber is better than Mohammed(just to be fair)
10. Beer lets you have beer. Mohammed won't
9. Beer's never caused several major wars
8. they don't force beer on minors that can't think for themselves
7. when you have beer you don't go into cafe's and blow themselves up
6. nobody's ever been stoned to death because she refused to wear her beer helmut
5. no one's ever been shot while running out of a burning building whitout her beer hat on
4. There are laws saying that beer labels can't lie to you.
3. Beer's not full of shit(@ least most ;) )
2. after to many beers mindless shouting is ignored not mandated 5 times a day
1. Beer's never decapitated an innocent child
:cheers:

[Hiro]

What's the differenc between Americans and bird shit?


Bird shit doesn't scream when it falls off a World Trade Center.

[Hiro]

What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A baby playing in a plastic bag.


What's blue, sitting in a corner, wrapped in plastic? A dead baby in plastic wrap.
What's green, sitting in a corner wrapped in plastic? Same baby three weeks later.

[Sport1.3]

What's blue, sitting in a corner, wrapped in plastic? A dead baby in plastic wrap.
What's green, sitting in a corner wrapped in plastic? Same baby three weeks later.

sort of a repost

[Sport1.3]

What is better than a dead baby?
The revoked child-support.

[Sport1.3]

What's the difference between a dead baby and a peanut butter cup?
The dead baby won't stick to the roof of your mouth.

[Sport1.3]

Why didn't they crucify baby Jesus?
I don't know why they didn't either.

[Sport1.3]

What is red and creeps up your leg?
A homesick abortion

[Spyder]

Which is easier to unload a truck load of dead babies or a truck load of bowling balls?






















Dead babies, you can use a pitch fork.

[Hulud]

Top 10 Reasons Why Ber is better than Mohammed(just to be fair)
10. Beer lets you have beer. Mohammed won't
9. Beer's never caused several major wars
8. they don't force beer on minors that can't think for themselves
7. when you have beer you don't go into cafe's and blow themselves up
6. nobody's ever been stoned to death because she refused to wear her beer helmut
5. no one's ever been shot while running out of a burning building whitout her beer hat on
4. There are laws saying that beer labels can't lie to you.
3. Beer's not full of shit(@ least most ;) )
2. after to many beers mindless shouting is ignored not mandated 5 times a day
1. Beer's never decapitated an innocent child
:cheers:
did you make that one by just changing jesus to Mohammed or is it actually posted somewhere? jw

[LS2ner]

Which is easier to unload a truck load of dead babies or a truck load of bowling balls?






















Dead babies, you can use a pitch fork.

Whats the best part of unloading them with a pitch fork?

You get to use a pitch fork!

[LS2ner]

How did helen keller (spelling?) lose her virginity?
Her mom left the plunger in the toilet.

[Sport1.3]

Whats the best part of unloading them with a pitch fork?

You get to use a pitch fork!

why do you have to use a pitch fork to unload the babies?
so you can tell if alive or not

[C22H19N3O4]

It's not a joke, BUT it's still funny and offensive.


Very short clip (http://www.totallycrap.com/videos/videos_kramer_says_sorry_again/)

[d993s]

It's not a joke, BUT it's still funny and offensive.


Very short clip (http://www.totallycrap.com/videos/videos_kramer_says_sorry_again/)






















































:lmfao:
























































HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
.................................................. ............
TOTAL REDEMPTION!!!!!!!!

HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

[BKgen®]

What's the differenc between Americans and bird shit?


Bird shit doesn't scream when it falls off a World Trade Center.
that's fucked up.


What's the difference between black people and tires?
When you put chains on tires, they don't start singing.

How does a redneck know when his daughter's on her period?
His son's dick tastes funny.

What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe?
A canoe tips.

What happens when a cuban gets a flat tire?
He drowns.

[JoeyKazez]

What do you call a brush turned upside down?
- A thousand Ethiopians carrying a canoe

[BKgen®]

Why aren't there any amusement parks in Asia?
nobody's tall enough to ride the rides.

[Hulud]

what did one gay guy say to the other gay guy at the gay bar?


































































can i push your stool in for ya?

[BKgen®]

what do you call a gay bar without stools?
a fruit stand.

what do you say to a girl with two black eyes?
nothing. you already told her twice!

[d993s]

what do you say to a girl with two black eyes?
nothing. you already told her twice!

Or see my avatar..........

[Cato ED-6]

What do you call an upside down bar stool?




Four seats in a gay bar.

[osnap]

what do michael jackson and mcdonalds have in common?

40 year old meat between 6 year old buns

[BKgen®]

What do you call 100,000 Mexicans at the bottom of the ocean?
a good start.

Why does michael jackson like thirty eight year olds so much?
because there are thirty of them.

[wantsanS14]

what's the difference between a mosquito and a girl?




when you slap the mosquito it stops sucking.

[Dragonfly5338]

what do you get when you cut a baby in half?





i dunno about you, but i get an erection.

[Hulud]

what do you get when you cut a baby in half?





i dunno about you, but i get an erection.
:lmao:

thats so fucked up, thats awesome!

[hemi]

This is awful, but fits here...

http://img137.imageshack.us/img137/6143/1159820564freshprincewtc343gj9.gif

[R.Kelly]

hahahahaha

[IndianStig]

What did the deaf, blind, and mute kid get for christmas?

Cancer

[Jimmy B]

whats red and bubbly and scratches at glass?

a baby in a microwave

--

whats the diffrence between a black man, and a large pizza?

a pizza can feet a family of four.

--

what do ya call a line of mexicans holding hands?

spicket fence

--

how are a blonde and a screendoor simalar?

the morre you slam them the looser it gets

----

whats the diffrence between a ferrari and a bag of dead babies?

i dont have a ferrari in my garage

---

how do ya hide 100 bucks from a black man?

put it under his work boots

---

the above was for entertainment only.. no offence should be taken by the previous jokes.. heheh

[{X}Echo419]

did you make that one by just changing jesus to Mohammed or is it actually posted somewhere? jw
I changed some of the Jesus 1's and added some of my own Mohammed 1's. :cheers:

[Hulud]

I changed some of the Jesus 1's and added some of my own Mohammed 1's. :cheers:
thats what i was thinkin, works both ways

[{X}Echo419]

Q: What's the fastest way to break up a bingo game in Baghdad?
A: You shout out, "B-52"

Q: What will be Saddam Hussein's last words?
A: "Mother was never good in battles, anyway."

Q: How many Iraqi's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Four. One to screw in the light bulb. One to claim that they've actually screwed in 300 light bulbs. One to claim that they've unscrewed 150 American light bulbs. And one to claim that they're screwing and unscrewing light bulbs for the Palestinians.

Good news: Saddam Hussein will face war crimes trial.
Bad news is, the trial will be held before the Senate Ethics Committee.

Saddam's Bumper Stickers

I Kurds

"My Army invaded Kuwait and all I got was this lousy bumper sticker"

"Quit honking! I'm retreating as fast as I can"

"Shi'ites happen"

"If you don't like the way I reign get out of small, neighboring countries"

"Lose Kuwait now! Ask me how"

"If you're right and own a uranium refining plant, I'm single"

"If you can read this you're probably with the 1st Airborne"

"Bomb me, I need the insurance"

The problem with the Iraqi army is that they were using Russian defense tactics:

1. Engage the enemy.
2. Draw him into your territory.
3. Wait until winter sets in.

[{X}Echo419]

Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.

Q: Why did France ban fireworks at Euro Disney?
A: Last night's display caused soldiers at a nearby French army garrison to surrender.

Q: How do you get France involved in a war with Iraq?
A: You must first convince them that Saddam is hiding fields of truffles.

Q: What do you call a group of 100,000 Frenchman with their hands in the air?
A: The French Army

Q: How many French men does it take to defend Paris?
A: Nobody knows, no French man has ever tried.

Q: Why does the new French Navy have glassbottom boats?
A: So they can see the old French Navy....

Q: How can you recognise a French veteran?
A: Sunburned armpits.

Q: Did you hear about the old French rifles for sale on Ebay?
A: Never been fired, dropped only once.

Q: How many gears in a French tank?
A: Six: five reverse and one forward, in case they are attacked from behind.

[{X}Echo419]

"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country"
~ Mark Twain

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."
~ General George S. Patton

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion."
~ Norman Schwartzkopf

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it."
~ Marge Simpson

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure."
~ Jacques Chirac, President of France

"As far as France is concerned, you're right."
~ Rush Limbaugh

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee."
~ Regis Philbin

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it."
~ John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people."
~ Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!"
~ Jay Leno

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag."
~ David Letterman

"The next time there is a war the loser has to keep France."
~ Anonymous

"France is now being hit by an extreme heat wave, so the French government is advising its citizens to "stay indoors and do nothing". You know, like they did in WWII...."
~ Jay Leno, a few summers ago

[{X}Echo419]

Mid East TV - New Season

SUNDAY:
8:00 - My 33 Sons
8:30 - Osama Knows Best
9:00 - I Dream of Mohammed
9:30 - Let's Mecca Deal
10:00 - The Kabul Hillbillies

MONDAY:
8:00 - Husseinfeld
9:00 - Mad About Everything
9:30 - Monday Night Stoning
10:00 - Win Bin Laden's Money
10:30 - Allah McBeal

TUESDAY:
8:00 - Wheel of Terror
8:30 - The Price is Right if Osama Says it's Right
9:00 - Children are Forbidden from Saying the Darndest Things
9:30 - Taliban's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers
10:00 - Buffy the Yankee Slayer

WEDNESDAY:
8:00 - Beat the Press
8:30 - When Kurds Attack
9:00 - Two Guys, a Girl, and Pita Bread
9:30 - Just Shoot Everyone
10:00 - Veilwatch

THURSDAY:
8:00 - Fatima Loves Chachi
8:30 - M*U*S*T*A*S*H
9:00 - Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses and Veils
9:30 - Married with 139 Children
10:00 - Eye for an Eye Witness News

FRIDAY:
8:00 - Judge Saddam
8:30 - Suddenly Sanctions
9:00 - Who Wants to Marry a Terrorist Millionaire?
9:30 - Cave and Garden Television
10:00 - No-Witness News

SATURDAY:
8:00 - Sponge Bob Square Turban
8:30 - Who's Koran Is It Anyway?
9:00 - Teletalibans
9:30 - Camel 54, Where Are You

[{X}Echo419]

Top Ten Rejected Slogans for Arafat's Potato Chips

10. Mister Potato Head has martyred himself for your snacking pleasure.
9. Death to Pringles, Death to Jews.
8. Tostitos may have the fiesta bowl but see the New Abu Ammar Chips Bowl next New Year's Day featuring Cal Berkeley v. SFSU.
7. We couldn't make them with real potatoes because the Jews have taken all our potatoes away.
6. Israeli supermarkets can't keep them on the shelves because we keep blowing up the supermarkets.
5. Goes great with Hamas Hummus!
4. Explodes in your mouth not in your hand.
3. Now served on all Air-France flights.
2. Free Martyr-Boy action figure in every box.
And the number one rejected slogan for Arafat's potato chips:

1. Try them today with new UN Observer Dip.

[{X}Echo419]

The Top 15 Events in the Taliban Olympics

15. The Long-Distance Bite-Off-More-Than-You-Can-Chew
14. The Four-Man Bomb Sled
13. Synchronized Surrendering
12. Jalalabadminton
11. Women's 4x200 Avoid-Drowning-in-the-Burqa Relay
10. Decapitathlon
9. Women's Downhill-From-Here Flogging
8. Sprint into the Dark Ages
7. Buddha Statue Marksmanship
6. Women's Don't-Show-Your-Figure Skating
5. Tora Bora Cave Whack-a-Mole
4. Regardless of the event, the Russian judge will still cheat.
3. Mixed Pairs Minefield Dancing (Men only)
2. Goat Vaulting

and Number 1 Event in the Taliban Olympics...

1. The 600-Yard Bowel-Evacuating Daisy-Cutter Dash

[{X}Echo419]

Osama bin Laden dies and goes to paradise. Once in paradise, he finds himself surrounded by 72 of the ugliest skanks anyone has ever laid eyes upon. A bemused Allah then says to him: "Why do you think they're still virgins?!"

It's hard to find quality field-goal kickers for the Islamic Football League, because league rules allow for kickers who miss from inside 30 yards to have their feet amputated.

:yes:

[{X}Echo419]

Failed Taliban Recruiting Posters:

1. "Be Allah you can be"
2. "Aim Low"
3. "An Army of None"
4. "The Few....................................."
5. "Martyrs have more fun"
6. "Vigins....we got Virgins!!"
7. "Free Camoflage Turbans....sign up today!"
8. "Uncle oSAMa wants you"

[{X}Echo419]

Q: How can you tell the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist?
A: Terrorists can be negotiated with.

Q: What do Mohammed and Douglas Adams have in common?
A: A deep, abiding respect for the value of a towel on the head.

Q: Did you hear what the men say in a Muslim strip club?
A: 'Get your face out for the boys...'

Q: What do you call a taliban that owns a camel and a goat?
A: Bisexual.

Q. What do you call a Taliban who owns six goats?
A. A pimp.

Q: How did Mohammed practice safe sex?
A: He marks the camels that kick.

Q: How did Mohammed practice safe sex?
A: He marks the camels that kick.

[{X}Echo419]

Translating Liberal Speak to English

Rights = Whatever policies I happen to favor this week.
Civil rights = Same as rights, with emphasis
Oppression = Advocacy or implementation of policies that I don't favor.
Propaganda = Facts and data that supports an opposing view.
You have an agenda = You disagree with me.
Right wing extremist = A person who disagrees with me.
Intolerance = Disagreement with my point of view.
Bigot = Anyone who is intolerant (see #7).
Rich = You have a job.
Filthy rich = You have two jobs.
Obscenely rich = You provide jobs.
Greedy = You have your hand in your OWN pocket.
Republican cuts = The Republicans are going to stop us from buying our targeted constituency votes with the public's tax money.
Revenue enhancement = You pay more taxes.
Victim = A member of targeted constituency
Justice = Implementation of policies we favor for our targeted constituency.
Economic justice = Providing an economic benefit to a victim (see #15).
Balanced journalist = 10% of the people to his left complain about his bias as loudly as the 90% to his right.

[{X}Echo419]

I am a Bad American:
I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American.

I like big cars, big hooters, and big paychecks.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some midlevel governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squirting out babies.

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, you'd better do it in English.

I'm not in touch with my feelings and I like it that way.

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer.

I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches. And where does he get his money. And why is he always part of the problem and not the solution.

I believe if she has her lips on your willie, it is sex, and it is sex for both of you. This even applies when you are President of the United States.

I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through 4-7 years of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened.

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God or gods, just leave the rest of us out of it. This also applies to sexuality.

I believe it's called the Boy Scouts for a reason.

I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized.

I don't use the excuse "it's for the children" as a shield for unpopular opinions or actions.

I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.

My heroes are John Wayne, the Simpsons, and whoever canceled Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.

I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now, when I am freezing my ass through a long winter?

I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years in the desert after getting chased out of Egypt, I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you, so shut up already.

I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them. I also think they have the right to pull your ass over if you are breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.

I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation of the world for the next four years.

I think if you are in the passing lane, and not passing, your license should be revoked, and you should be forced to ride the bus until you promise to never delay the rest of us again.

I think beef jerky could quite possibly be the perfect food.

I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement.

I think Dr. Seuss was a genius.

I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise.

[redlinenprelude]

what did the baby with no arms and no legs get for christmas??









cancer.

[Blitanicle99]

This is fucking awful...
Whats better than skull fucking a six year old chinese boy in the shower?



... Slicking his hair back so he looks like a 3 year old chinese boy!




Whats black and blue and hates sex?
The four year old in my trunk.

[Hulud]

Whats the best thing about fuckin a MILF?



Giving her baby the facial

[BKgen®]

:lmfao: pwnt baby

[Hulud]

Whats the best part of fucking a 6 year old?

After sex they just curl up in a ball and cry; no cuddling

[Hulud]

What has two legs and bleeds?

Half a dog

[Hulud]

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Keep the tip.

[Hulud]

What's worse than the pimples on Jeffrey Dahmer's face?

The blackheads in his refridgerator

[Hulud]

What's the best part of anal sex with a 12 year old girl?

Pretending it's a 10 year old boy.

[Hulud]

What is the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer?

The taste

[Hulud]

What does an elephant use as a vibrator?

An epilectic.

[Hulud]

What is the definition of ultimate frustration?

Two blind lesbians trying to find each other in a fish market.

[Hulud]

What's 18 inches long and makes a women scream?

Crib death.

[Hulud]

How do you make a gay baby stop crying?

Put the pacifier back in its ass.

[Hulud]

Why does a blonde insiste on using a condom?

So she can have a doggy bag for later

[Hulud]

What's black and blue and hates sex?

A rape victim.

[Hulud]

Why don't old men eat their wives out?


Have you ever pulled grilled cheese apart?

[Hulud]

What does a prostitute take home with her in the morning?

Assorted creams

[Hulud]

Necrophilia means never having to say you're sorry.

[Hulud]

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree ?

- Because it was dead.


Why did the baby fall out of the tree ?

- Because it was stapled to the monkey

[Hulud]

What's pink and red and goes 50 mph?


- A baby in a blender

[Hulud]

What's black and white and red all over, and can't turn around in an elevator?


- A nun with a spear through her

[RandomGuy]

what did the baby with no arms and no legs get for christmas??









cancer.
OMFG I FUCKIN LIRLed IN REAL LIFE LMAO

[Hulud]

How can you tell when your wife is dead?

The sex is the same but the dishes start to pile up

[Hulud]

Why wasn't JFK a good boxer?

He couldn't take a shot to the head

[Hulud]

What do Christopher Reeves and Catherine the Great have in common?

They both like to go down on a horse

[Hulud]

Why can't Helen Keller have any babies?

- Becuase she's dead!

[Hulud]

Whats a priest's favorite type of meat?

Altar Boy

[Hulud]

How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?

Your girlfriend has to chew

[R.Kelly]

damn hulud is full of great jokes for the entire family

[RandomGuy]

How many jews can you fit in a VolksWagon?
All of them if you put them in the ashtray.

[RandomGuy]

What's Hitlers least favorite planet?
'Jewpiter' -Ben

Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza?
The pizza doesnt scream when you put it in an oven!

Whats the difference between a Jew and a Canoe?
A canoe tips

How do you get 100 jews into a car?
Throw a quarter in it.
How do you get them out again?
Tell them Hilter is driving.

How many jews can you fit in a VW Beetle?
54, two in the front, two in the back, and fifty in the ashtray.

How do you know you have a queer Jew?
He likes money more than girls.

Have you heard about the Jewish sports car?
It stops on a dime, then picks it up

What is a Jews biggest dilemma?
Free pork

Whey do Jews have such big noses?
Cuz all the airs free.

Whats the object of Jewish football?
To get the quarter back.

How was copper wire invented?
2 Jews fighting over the same penny

What language does Jewish homo speak?
Heblew

What did the little German boy get for his birthday?
Easy bake oven and a G.I Jew

Hows Christmas celebrated in Jewish homes?
They put parking meters on the roof.

Why did the Jews walk around the desert for 40 years?
They heard that someone dropped a quarter

What do you call a room full of jewish women with yeast infections?
A whine and cheese party.

[RandomGuy]

What do you say to a black Jew?

Get to the back of the oven

[RandomGuy]

how do you start a jewish parade?
roll a penny down a hill.


Have you heard about the Jewish sports car?
It stops on a dime, then picks it up




Whey do Jews have such big noses?
Cuz all the airs free.

Whats the object of Jewish football?
To get the quarter back.


What did the little German boy get for his birthday?
Easy bake oven and a G.I Jew

Hows Christmas celebrated in Jewish homes?
They put parking meters on the roof.

Why did the Jews walk around the desert for 40 years?
They heard that someone dropped a quarter

[RandomGuy]

Why did the jews first enjoy the consentration camps?
Free food and no rent

[R.Kelly]

some serious anti-semitism up in this bitch, man im glad that im not jewish