Crazy Asian
10-16-2006, 11:01 PM
I'm sick and tired of people reposting old jokes thinking it was funny and run away...brett....and other lame IA's. So these I thought were funny...AND NO THEY WERE NOT REPOST!!!
A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning.
He said "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are
going to help me preach.
Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes
to your mind."
The minister shouted out "CROSS."
Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, "THE OLD RUGGED CROSS."
The minister hollered out "GRACE" The congregation began to sing "AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound."
The pastor said "POWER." The congregation sang "THERE IS POWER IN THE BLOOD."
The Pastor said "SEX." The congregation fell into total silence.
Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other afraid to say anything.
Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church, a little old 87 year old grandmother stood up and began to sing "PRECIOUS MEMORIES."
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Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"
His father replied, "Because I'm buying horses. I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy."
Johnny looked worried, "Then I think we'd better hurry home right away."
"Why?" said his father.
"Because the Co-Operative insurance man stopped by yesterday, I think he wants to buy Mum.
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A young Irish lass had not been home for 5 years.
Upon her return, her Father cursed her, saying, "Where the
Hell have ye been all this time?? You never wrote - not even a line!
Don't ye know what you've put your poor old Mum through?"
Sobbing, the distraught girl replied, "Sniff, sniff . but
Dad, I became a prostitute ...."
"Ye what??? Out of this house, ye shameless harlot! Ye
sinner! You're a disgrace to the family!!!"
"O.K., Dad. As ye wish. I just came home to give Mum this fur
coat, the title deed to a 10-bedroom mansion, and this savings
certificate for $5 million." "For me little brother, this gold Rolex, and fer ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes Limited Edition convertible that's parked in front, plus a lifetime membership to the country club
(she takes a deep breath) ..... and an invitation to ye all to spend this New Year's Eve on board my new 200 ft. yacht on the Riviera, and ..... "
(Her Father interrupts.) "Now what did ye say ye had become?" says her Dad.
Sobbing again, the girl says, "sniff, sniff. A prostitute,
Dad!"
"Oh, be Jaysus! Ye scared me half to death! I thought ye said
ye had become a Protestant! Come here and give yer old man a big
hug!!!
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A week or so before her wedding,a young lady is in the kitchen helping her mother make bread and asks her mother, " mom, how have you kept daddy happy all these years"?
Mother continues with her bread making and replies it is really easy, and she grabs a small amount a bread dough rolls it into a little ball, and throws it on the floor. She then hicks up her dress, sqats down and picks the dough off the floor with her pussy, then hands the dough ball to her daughter and says, when you can do that your husband will always be happy.
So the girls practices and practices, finally on her wedding night in the motel room with her new husband, both in bed starting to get frisky, she quickly jumps out of bed runs to her luggage and pulls out this carefully wrapped ball of bread dough. So she works it a little to soften it up, the throws it on the floor saying to her husband watch this and she sqats down over the dough ball, and as she picks it up with her pussy she passes gas, her husband jumps out of bed franticly as she jumps into bed.
She asked him what was wrong. He said if it growls like that for a piece of bread, i will be damned if i am going to give it any meat.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning.
He said "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are
going to help me preach.
Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes
to your mind."
The minister shouted out "CROSS."
Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, "THE OLD RUGGED CROSS."
The minister hollered out "GRACE" The congregation began to sing "AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound."
The pastor said "POWER." The congregation sang "THERE IS POWER IN THE BLOOD."
The Pastor said "SEX." The congregation fell into total silence.
Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other afraid to say anything.
Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church, a little old 87 year old grandmother stood up and began to sing "PRECIOUS MEMORIES."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"
His father replied, "Because I'm buying horses. I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy."
Johnny looked worried, "Then I think we'd better hurry home right away."
"Why?" said his father.
"Because the Co-Operative insurance man stopped by yesterday, I think he wants to buy Mum.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A young Irish lass had not been home for 5 years.
Upon her return, her Father cursed her, saying, "Where the
Hell have ye been all this time?? You never wrote - not even a line!
Don't ye know what you've put your poor old Mum through?"
Sobbing, the distraught girl replied, "Sniff, sniff . but
Dad, I became a prostitute ...."
"Ye what??? Out of this house, ye shameless harlot! Ye
sinner! You're a disgrace to the family!!!"
"O.K., Dad. As ye wish. I just came home to give Mum this fur
coat, the title deed to a 10-bedroom mansion, and this savings
certificate for $5 million." "For me little brother, this gold Rolex, and fer ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes Limited Edition convertible that's parked in front, plus a lifetime membership to the country club
(she takes a deep breath) ..... and an invitation to ye all to spend this New Year's Eve on board my new 200 ft. yacht on the Riviera, and ..... "
(Her Father interrupts.) "Now what did ye say ye had become?" says her Dad.
Sobbing again, the girl says, "sniff, sniff. A prostitute,
Dad!"
"Oh, be Jaysus! Ye scared me half to death! I thought ye said
ye had become a Protestant! Come here and give yer old man a big
hug!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
A week or so before her wedding,a young lady is in the kitchen helping her mother make bread and asks her mother, " mom, how have you kept daddy happy all these years"?
Mother continues with her bread making and replies it is really easy, and she grabs a small amount a bread dough rolls it into a little ball, and throws it on the floor. She then hicks up her dress, sqats down and picks the dough off the floor with her pussy, then hands the dough ball to her daughter and says, when you can do that your husband will always be happy.
So the girls practices and practices, finally on her wedding night in the motel room with her new husband, both in bed starting to get frisky, she quickly jumps out of bed runs to her luggage and pulls out this carefully wrapped ball of bread dough. So she works it a little to soften it up, the throws it on the floor saying to her husband watch this and she sqats down over the dough ball, and as she picks it up with her pussy she passes gas, her husband jumps out of bed franticly as she jumps into bed.
She asked him what was wrong. He said if it growls like that for a piece of bread, i will be damned if i am going to give it any meat.
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