Need funny resignation letter!

[speedminded]

I need one ASAP! I've seen them from moving on to being a pirate to making more money being a garbage man but nothing i've found seems to be catching and most seems to be not so funny british humor...

[Spyder]

I think British humor is funny..

[speedminded]

I think British humor is funny..it is! but not when it's referencing people on british shows or in the british public eye that 9+ out of 10 american's won't recognize. :tongue:

[Spyder]

This was a true letter of resignation sent.

Mr Baker,

As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of myself and my co-workers during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know about Unix, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.

Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow.

One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f-- k with your systems administrators, because they know what you do with all your free time.

Sincerely,
Ted Brewer

[speedminded]

This was a true letter of resignation sent.

Mr Baker,

As an employee of an institution...I keep running into that one every where i search! grrr....funny yet doesn't apply, can't even modify any of it to begin to apply. oh well :dunno:

[ShooterMcGavin]

that's a good one, even if i've seen it before...

[speedminded]

Guess i'm gonnna turn in a borrrrrinnnnggggg formal letter :blah:

[ShooterMcGavin]

you quittin your job jason?

[speedminded]

you quittin your job jason?yep, "officially" 30 seconds ago :tongue:

[ShooterMcGavin]

no shit, what happened? find something better?

^^^scratch that u editing bastard :tongue: where u gonna be working at? no more lunch meets? :D

[speedminded]

no shit, what happened? find something better?

^^^scratch that u editing bastard :tongue: where u gonna be working at? no more lunch meets? :DMoving on to better things, i hope! At least better benefits i don't have to pay for and better pay :) No more ties to work either :D

[speedminded]

lololol....edit button is a bitch eh?

[ShooterMcGavin]

Moving on to better things, i hope! At least better benefits i don't have to pay for and better pay :) No more ties to work either :D

damn u!!! lol, so where's the new job at?

[The Yousef]

how about:

fuck you...you fucking fuck

thanks,
spedminded

...it blunt and to the point


:lmfao:

[speedminded]

damn u!!! lol, so where's the new job at?Not that much farther away, actually closer if we meet the same place...i'll be up 75/285 Cumberland area.

[ShooterMcGavin]

how about:

fuck you...you fucking fuck

thanks,
spedminded

...it blunt and to the point


:lmfao:

he's not a sped? :thinking: :D

[ShooterMcGavin]

Not that much farther away, actually closer if we meet the same place...i'll be up 75/285 Cumberland area.

cool, not a bad area and that's right around where i work.

[speedminded]

how about:

fuck you...you fucking fuck

thanks,
spedminded

...it blunt and to the point


:lmfao:well, my boss turned in his notice last week...so that won't exactly work. that's why i wanted a humorous one on record :tongue:

[speedminded]

he's not a sped? :thinking: :DWe used to ride the shortbus together.

[Pher]

You can do what I did with my job a year ago...

"Mr. Woodward, can you sign this for us please?" (It was an agreement to productivity document)

"I'm not sure the wording on this quite fits for me... mind if I edit it?" I said while sitting in a conference room with the head of the department, the president of the company and a few other "suits"...

I scratched out the typed letter and wrote... "I QUIT!" as big as the paper would allow and then handed it to the president.

[SixSquared]

Walk into your office. Put a burned CD into your computer... hit play, repeat one...

Leave as "Take this job and shove it" plays on indefinite repeat.

Worked at the Chevy dealership I used to work at.

[EvasiveEF9]

I walked in, my manager says "dont' clock in" as I'm about to slide the card into the stamper. Tells me to come over. Says "If you're late again, you're done". That was it! I walked in 6 minutes late that morning because Holcomb Bridge was FUCKED up...more than the norm. I drive an hour to work, woodstock to norcross. Sucks. But then he's liek "ok, you can clock in". Well, I was already pissed from traffic, and a couple other things, but then he keeps me from clocking in JUST to say that?
I said "no...you don't even know why I'm late...whatever" and I started to walk off. But he was like "don't get an attitude with me". That was game...

I turned around walked up to the desk and went "you don't even know why the hell I'm late!" He interrupted. "You're ALWAYS late". "No, Klein, not ALWAYS...." Interrupted again...by this point, I didn't give a shit what he had to say, so I let him go on with his rant. Not a clue what he said. When he finished, I said "are you done, yet?" He glared at me. I assumed that was a yes... "I'm so sick of the bullshit that goes on in this damn place!" "there's the door" "see? You're not even listening. You never do. You don't give a damn about your employees, and honestly, I'm sick of this shit. I don't have long left. You already know I'm quitting in a month. Just let me do my thing until then, and then I'm gone..." He said some smartass remark and I just walked away. Couple paces later, I turned back and said "You want me back tomorrow or not?" He said "I'll think about it, I'll have to talk to Betty (the owner)"

Next day, I walked in and walked up to the desk 15 minutes early. "You got a minute?" He was surrounded by his...management staff. Most all of which I respect, just not Klein. So he nodds and keeps his management with him. He's got a napoleon complex where he's like 5'1, and thinks he's the shit cuz he's management. He felt more badass cuz he could do this in front of management... I said "So, do you want me back for a little longer or not?" He said "no...we've decided that now's a good time for you to go". I nodded, said thanks, and walked right past him to go to the front of the warehouse...which was pretty much frowned upon. I went up there to thank THAT manager for writing me a letter of reccomendation to get in to school...the letter of which Klein was given a week and a half to write me one, and the fucker goes "You never asked me to write you one. You told me you needed on, but never asked".

I cannot stand that fucker. To give you an idea of how dick he is...a co-worker's wife went into labor sunday night. Monday, he called in (a little late, but he still called in to explain, and had his buddy who also works there explain straight up what happened). There were then complications which were also explained to the manager. Tuesday afternoon, Klein calls him on his cell phone at the hospital and goes "You know you're putting your job in jeopardy, right? You may lose your job over this? And you know you're not getting paid for this time off?" How dick is that?

[ShooterMcGavin]

^^^what a fuckin prick, ship him off to elba!!! :D

[rzaray89]

my friend handed his boss a sticky note that read "letter of resignation"

[iloveboost]

Not that much farther away, actually closer if we meet the same place...i'll be up 75/285 Cumberland area.

So what are you going to be doing?

[speedminded]

So what are you going to be doing?Mechanical CAD

[EvasiveEF9]

^^^what a fuckin prick, ship him off to elba!!! :D
Yeah. Dude's a dick. Explains why he has no kids (except a step-daughter of whom he claims is his own...) and been divorced three times...the little girl belongs to the second wife...

I'm like "let it go dude. You completely suck as a person..."

Thinking of writing him a letter of resignation NOW...because NOW is about the time I was planning to leave...