kittychick
07-12-2006, 11:07 AM
This is so funny! I couldn't help it, I had to post it. Its really long- but read it all the way through- she's good, very good!
~Christine
:lmao:
How to Fill out your pet adoption for a rescue group:
Did I pass, did I???
The providing of false information herein will result in the forfeiture of any adoption. Even human babies??
Your application will be reviewed to determine whether this is the right match for the dog.
Now how in the hell do you know what the dog wants? You might not like me, he might. What happens then?
If approved, trial arrangement may take place, following with an adoption contract and remittance of adoption fee.
Trial arrangement? You mean to tell me if I do get 'approved' there are more questions???
Which dog are you interested in?
Well certainly one that is interested in me. Oh and that likes me too. See above question/answer.
Current Employer:
What if I don't work because I am rich. But you think because I'm jobless that I'm a bum. I don't know what to say now.
Spouse/Partner’s Name:
Noneya
Age:
Noneya
Is this person your spouse?
Why do you ask? Do you want to date me?
List any Humane Societies, Organizations, Breed or Training Clubs you’re associated with:
If I say zero will I be put on the dreaded black list?
1. Do you live in a house, apartment, condo/town home, or mobile home?
Ok so if I live in an apt, then I can't adopt a great dane. What if I live in a 6 bedroom home...... could I still get a chihuahua? (that would be an awful lot of wasted space wouldn't it?)
2. Do you own or rent your home?
I'm glad you asked that. In my opinion, no one truly "owns" their own home. We all have to pay property taxes each year to the government in order to be allowed to live where we do. So people that say they "own" their own home, really don't. The government owns it, and everything else, we all just pay rent to use the shit. So I guess the answer to your question is, I rent. (This ad paid for by the Renters Association of America)
3. If you rent, name and address of landlord:
Not sure my landlord would want me giving their information to a complete stranger. Or an incomplete one for that matter.
4. Do you have landlord’s approval to have pets? What’s the pet deposit?
It depends on what the pet eats that day I would imagine.
5. How long at current address?
In and out periodically throughout the day. I will be leaving the house in about an hour and I just got here so technically I guess I have been here for an hour.
6. Are you planning on moving within the next two years?
If I don't, won't my bones stiffen up?
7. Do you travel for work at all?
Im independently rich.
If yes, how much of the time are you out of town?
If I tell you that, how do I know you are not casing me out to break into my home while I'm away.
8. Is your yard fenced in securely for a dog?
My g/f got drunk one night and stumbled outside and tried to crawl over it. She failed miserably. So I would say, yes it is secure.
How tall and what kind?
She is 5'8 and a female
9. Do you have a cable or kennel run set up for a dog for exercise?
My dogs do not have cable,no. I'm not *that* rich.
10. If not fenced yard, cable or kennel, how will the new dog be exercised?
If he has access to cable, he (like me) proabably won't get exercise. He'll just stay inside with me on the couch all day being lazy and watching Court TV.
11. Do you have a doggie door?
Um..... we prefer to call it the front door so as not to confuse relatives on holidays.
Are you willing to put one in?
Sure I am (wink wink)
12. Do you have a second home or rental property and where?
Is this a census taking or an animal adoption application?
13. How many adults in your house?
2, if we are in the mood to act like one
14. How many children:
2, if we are not.
Ages: Now ya know all women lie about their ages. You are purposely trying to see if I'm going to lie to you.
15. Is there anyone in your home with pet allergies?
Let's say, for the sake of debate that there is.....but they take meds for it and we keep lots and lots of Kleenex in the bathroom
16. Please list breed, age and sex of all pets in your household:
Now if I were trying to adopt say a chihuahua and already had a german shepherd..... there is a remote possibility that the "reviewer" of this application will not agree with having a small dog around a big one. Once again, I am torn on what to say.
17. Are current pets spayed/neutered?
Let's say my chihuahua isn't. She stays inside except to go outside to go to the bathroom BUT there is ALWAYS someone with her due to hawks, owls, etc outside.
Were your past pets spayed/neutered?
How are you going to know if I tell you one way or the other.
18. How many dogs have you owned in the past?
If I say none, the person "approving/denying" this application might feel that if I've never had a pet, I sure ain't learning on one of yours. If I say a bunch, I'll be denied for being a hoarder. This is a real dilemna. You aren't going to go digging up my back yard are you?
19. What happened to them? Be specific:
They died of old age. Is there a chance that I will be denied because they are dead now?
20. Are current pets or past pets current on vaccines?
Not my inside chihuahua as I do not make it a habit to put unnecessary poison into a dog that is never outside by herself anyhow. And my 'past' ones certainly don't need vaccinations.
21. Do you know about heartworm disease and how to prevent it?
Only what the back of the box tells me.
22. What heartworm prevention do you currently use or have you used in the past?
I do not use heartworm prevention. Unless that is a requirement to adopt a pet, then I would need to answer that one with some sort of mediciney name.
23. Have you used flea prevention?
Bathe once a week and use a flea comb to comb the dead ones out. Any that survived get picked off and drowned in a bowl of water.
What kind?
ah just an old ceramic one I keep around the house for flea drownings
24. Where will this dog stay during the day - crate, kitchen, backyard, basement, garage, etc? (Be specific)
Well, he might stay in the kitchen unless he gets up and walks to the bedroom. But once in the bedroom, he might get tired of that and walk on into the living room. There is a possibility that he might venture out that pet door that I am going to tell you I am installing, and go outside in the backyard. Eh, does this dog *need* to stay in one spot all day? Is there something about him you aren't telling me?
25. Where does your current dog stay during the day - crate, kitchen, backyard, basement, garage, etc? (Be specific)
He moves arounds periodically. He tends to not stay in one spot.
26. If you have a dog now, where does it sleep?
I have a chihuahua and a beagle and a few cats. The beagle sleeps on his mattress in the floor (sorry but this is the only place the mattress would fit and that he would fit as he is a larger breed of beagle)The chihuahua sleeps usually at my legs on her blanket. The cats will venture, later after the chihuahua falls asleep, around me on the bed somewhere, at least until the chihuahua wakes up and realizes that *his* bed has been invaded. Then all hell breaks loose.
27. Where will the new dog sleep?
See above answer
28. If you don’t have a crate, will you be willing to purchase one if the new dog needs to be crated?
I don't believe in crating an animal. If I did, I might as well give the poor dog to a pet store so it can stay in a cage all day.
29. Do you have any experience crate training a dog?
Did I not just basically answer that ? See above answer. I will not be using a crate, period. Why would I get a dog just to keep it in a crate. That's a stupid concept.
30. Approximately how long will the new dog be alone during the day?
If I say while I'm at work, you are going to penalize me for being away from the house, and dog. If I say none, then the poor dog won't get fed due to no income on my part. ACK!
31. What percent of time will the new dog spend inside the house?
Most of the time but certainly during the time you call saying you are coming over to check up on me and the dog. Did you want an actual 'precentage' answer? (I sucked at math in school).
32. What type of housetraining methods will you use?
What does that matter? I told you Im not using a crate...... If he pees or dumps, it will be disposed of properly I can assure you.
33. What kind of dog food do you feed or will you use with the new dog?
Why? Are you going to buy it for me?
34. What would you consider a realistic cost to properly care for a dog for one year?
More than what you've put in to him I can bet.
35. What is your vet’s name and number?
What is yours?
36. Have you ever tried to adopt from another humane society, shelter or rescue group? If so which group?
No but the way this application is looking, this might be the last attempt I make.
37. Have you ever had a situation where you had to find your pet another home because of a move, new baby or behavior problems, etc? Please explain:
I'm a lesbian so unless there is a star shining in the East, I wouldn't worry too much about my becoming pregnant.
38. Would you allow us come visit your home prior to adoption?
For tea? Sure. for a house inspection? Hell no. I would have to go out and buy a new crate and set it up to appear like I was actually going to use the damned thing.
39. Do all adults in your house know you’re looking for a dog?
No, I was hoping to sneak him in through the window.
40. Do you think it’s necessary to spay/neuter your pets?
Isn't it a law in Ga that all animals adopted from shelters/rescues are fixed (surely you knew that)? So I would have them fixed. Soooo it shouldn't matter what I *think*. (you should consider changing this question to "Are you aware of the mandatory spay/neuter laws in Georgia?)
41. Do any of your pets or previous pets stay or prefer to stay outdoors?
Ok so now I'm supposed to be a gay dog mind reader? And my "previous" pets couldn't very well stay in my house as "previous" would mean the ones I had before, but not now. How is that possible?
42. What circumstances to you are acceptable to find your dog another home? Check all that apply:
If after adoption, yall keep calling or bugging me or sneaking around my property to try to see what kind of dog food I am feeding him.
43. What if your pet develops a frequent urination problem, what would you do?
Try to get him to cross his legs and hold it?
44. Have you ever had a serious behavioral problem with a pet? If so, what did you do?
No, but I have had some serious behavorial problems with a few exes though. Thought I was going to have to put them in a crate if they didn't straighten up.
45. If your dog has any behavioral problems in the future what would you be willing to do?
Phone yall and beg for guidance?
46. What if your pet comes down with a serious medical problem that’s very expensive, what would you do?
Sell the crate and use the money to pay the vet bill.
47. If you decided to move to a place that didn’t allow pets, what would you do?
Hide him in the crate when the landlord came over.
49. Is this dog going to be a surprise for anyone?
I'll be surprised if I can make it to the bottom of this long ass application.
50. Do you plan to take this dog to work with you?
If you can clear that with my boss, sure.
If so, where will he stay at work?
In the crate of course!!!!
51. Do you think it’s necessary to have id on your pet at all times?
Well, if I keep him crated, how would he ever get lost?
52. Most pets require time to adjust to their new home. How much time are you willing to give this pet?
15 minutes. If he ain't caught on by then, back in the crate he goes.
53. Are you planning on enrolling this dog in obedience classes?
Are you planning on paying for it?
54. Where will the dog stay when you go out of town?
Ok, you are making this way too easy. ....... in his CRATE, of course!!!
55. Will the dog have access to a balcony, patio or porch?
I don't have a balcony. But if he is a social type of dog I can build one for him.
56. Is your dog or were your past dogs ever trained off-leash?
Oh damn...... I have to buy a leash now?
57. Do you think a dog should be allowed or trusted off-leash in an unfenced area?
OMG.......... I don't know the answer to that one. Is this a trick question?
58. Do you expect any major life changes within the next 10 years – marriage, children, etc?
Didn't we rule out pregnancy in a previous question?I am beginning to think your org is not very gay friendly.
59. Please provide three personal references that we may call to verify information above.
Jane Doe
John Doe
Baby Doe
By signing below you are in agreement and compliance to our application process and agree that everything on this application is true.
Signature ________________________________________ Date ______________________
Falsification of any of the above information will be grounds for disallowing the adoption of a rescue animal and possible removal of said animal from the home.
Ok lets say I get approved. And then later on you sneak in my yard and peek in my window and don't see the crate. Are you going to steal back my dog????
~Christine
:lmao:
How to Fill out your pet adoption for a rescue group:
Did I pass, did I???
The providing of false information herein will result in the forfeiture of any adoption. Even human babies??
Your application will be reviewed to determine whether this is the right match for the dog.
Now how in the hell do you know what the dog wants? You might not like me, he might. What happens then?
If approved, trial arrangement may take place, following with an adoption contract and remittance of adoption fee.
Trial arrangement? You mean to tell me if I do get 'approved' there are more questions???
Which dog are you interested in?
Well certainly one that is interested in me. Oh and that likes me too. See above question/answer.
Current Employer:
What if I don't work because I am rich. But you think because I'm jobless that I'm a bum. I don't know what to say now.
Spouse/Partner’s Name:
Noneya
Age:
Noneya
Is this person your spouse?
Why do you ask? Do you want to date me?
List any Humane Societies, Organizations, Breed or Training Clubs you’re associated with:
If I say zero will I be put on the dreaded black list?
1. Do you live in a house, apartment, condo/town home, or mobile home?
Ok so if I live in an apt, then I can't adopt a great dane. What if I live in a 6 bedroom home...... could I still get a chihuahua? (that would be an awful lot of wasted space wouldn't it?)
2. Do you own or rent your home?
I'm glad you asked that. In my opinion, no one truly "owns" their own home. We all have to pay property taxes each year to the government in order to be allowed to live where we do. So people that say they "own" their own home, really don't. The government owns it, and everything else, we all just pay rent to use the shit. So I guess the answer to your question is, I rent. (This ad paid for by the Renters Association of America)
3. If you rent, name and address of landlord:
Not sure my landlord would want me giving their information to a complete stranger. Or an incomplete one for that matter.
4. Do you have landlord’s approval to have pets? What’s the pet deposit?
It depends on what the pet eats that day I would imagine.
5. How long at current address?
In and out periodically throughout the day. I will be leaving the house in about an hour and I just got here so technically I guess I have been here for an hour.
6. Are you planning on moving within the next two years?
If I don't, won't my bones stiffen up?
7. Do you travel for work at all?
Im independently rich.
If yes, how much of the time are you out of town?
If I tell you that, how do I know you are not casing me out to break into my home while I'm away.
8. Is your yard fenced in securely for a dog?
My g/f got drunk one night and stumbled outside and tried to crawl over it. She failed miserably. So I would say, yes it is secure.
How tall and what kind?
She is 5'8 and a female
9. Do you have a cable or kennel run set up for a dog for exercise?
My dogs do not have cable,no. I'm not *that* rich.
10. If not fenced yard, cable or kennel, how will the new dog be exercised?
If he has access to cable, he (like me) proabably won't get exercise. He'll just stay inside with me on the couch all day being lazy and watching Court TV.
11. Do you have a doggie door?
Um..... we prefer to call it the front door so as not to confuse relatives on holidays.
Are you willing to put one in?
Sure I am (wink wink)
12. Do you have a second home or rental property and where?
Is this a census taking or an animal adoption application?
13. How many adults in your house?
2, if we are in the mood to act like one
14. How many children:
2, if we are not.
Ages: Now ya know all women lie about their ages. You are purposely trying to see if I'm going to lie to you.
15. Is there anyone in your home with pet allergies?
Let's say, for the sake of debate that there is.....but they take meds for it and we keep lots and lots of Kleenex in the bathroom
16. Please list breed, age and sex of all pets in your household:
Now if I were trying to adopt say a chihuahua and already had a german shepherd..... there is a remote possibility that the "reviewer" of this application will not agree with having a small dog around a big one. Once again, I am torn on what to say.
17. Are current pets spayed/neutered?
Let's say my chihuahua isn't. She stays inside except to go outside to go to the bathroom BUT there is ALWAYS someone with her due to hawks, owls, etc outside.
Were your past pets spayed/neutered?
How are you going to know if I tell you one way or the other.
18. How many dogs have you owned in the past?
If I say none, the person "approving/denying" this application might feel that if I've never had a pet, I sure ain't learning on one of yours. If I say a bunch, I'll be denied for being a hoarder. This is a real dilemna. You aren't going to go digging up my back yard are you?
19. What happened to them? Be specific:
They died of old age. Is there a chance that I will be denied because they are dead now?
20. Are current pets or past pets current on vaccines?
Not my inside chihuahua as I do not make it a habit to put unnecessary poison into a dog that is never outside by herself anyhow. And my 'past' ones certainly don't need vaccinations.
21. Do you know about heartworm disease and how to prevent it?
Only what the back of the box tells me.
22. What heartworm prevention do you currently use or have you used in the past?
I do not use heartworm prevention. Unless that is a requirement to adopt a pet, then I would need to answer that one with some sort of mediciney name.
23. Have you used flea prevention?
Bathe once a week and use a flea comb to comb the dead ones out. Any that survived get picked off and drowned in a bowl of water.
What kind?
ah just an old ceramic one I keep around the house for flea drownings
24. Where will this dog stay during the day - crate, kitchen, backyard, basement, garage, etc? (Be specific)
Well, he might stay in the kitchen unless he gets up and walks to the bedroom. But once in the bedroom, he might get tired of that and walk on into the living room. There is a possibility that he might venture out that pet door that I am going to tell you I am installing, and go outside in the backyard. Eh, does this dog *need* to stay in one spot all day? Is there something about him you aren't telling me?
25. Where does your current dog stay during the day - crate, kitchen, backyard, basement, garage, etc? (Be specific)
He moves arounds periodically. He tends to not stay in one spot.
26. If you have a dog now, where does it sleep?
I have a chihuahua and a beagle and a few cats. The beagle sleeps on his mattress in the floor (sorry but this is the only place the mattress would fit and that he would fit as he is a larger breed of beagle)The chihuahua sleeps usually at my legs on her blanket. The cats will venture, later after the chihuahua falls asleep, around me on the bed somewhere, at least until the chihuahua wakes up and realizes that *his* bed has been invaded. Then all hell breaks loose.
27. Where will the new dog sleep?
See above answer
28. If you don’t have a crate, will you be willing to purchase one if the new dog needs to be crated?
I don't believe in crating an animal. If I did, I might as well give the poor dog to a pet store so it can stay in a cage all day.
29. Do you have any experience crate training a dog?
Did I not just basically answer that ? See above answer. I will not be using a crate, period. Why would I get a dog just to keep it in a crate. That's a stupid concept.
30. Approximately how long will the new dog be alone during the day?
If I say while I'm at work, you are going to penalize me for being away from the house, and dog. If I say none, then the poor dog won't get fed due to no income on my part. ACK!
31. What percent of time will the new dog spend inside the house?
Most of the time but certainly during the time you call saying you are coming over to check up on me and the dog. Did you want an actual 'precentage' answer? (I sucked at math in school).
32. What type of housetraining methods will you use?
What does that matter? I told you Im not using a crate...... If he pees or dumps, it will be disposed of properly I can assure you.
33. What kind of dog food do you feed or will you use with the new dog?
Why? Are you going to buy it for me?
34. What would you consider a realistic cost to properly care for a dog for one year?
More than what you've put in to him I can bet.
35. What is your vet’s name and number?
What is yours?
36. Have you ever tried to adopt from another humane society, shelter or rescue group? If so which group?
No but the way this application is looking, this might be the last attempt I make.
37. Have you ever had a situation where you had to find your pet another home because of a move, new baby or behavior problems, etc? Please explain:
I'm a lesbian so unless there is a star shining in the East, I wouldn't worry too much about my becoming pregnant.
38. Would you allow us come visit your home prior to adoption?
For tea? Sure. for a house inspection? Hell no. I would have to go out and buy a new crate and set it up to appear like I was actually going to use the damned thing.
39. Do all adults in your house know you’re looking for a dog?
No, I was hoping to sneak him in through the window.
40. Do you think it’s necessary to spay/neuter your pets?
Isn't it a law in Ga that all animals adopted from shelters/rescues are fixed (surely you knew that)? So I would have them fixed. Soooo it shouldn't matter what I *think*. (you should consider changing this question to "Are you aware of the mandatory spay/neuter laws in Georgia?)
41. Do any of your pets or previous pets stay or prefer to stay outdoors?
Ok so now I'm supposed to be a gay dog mind reader? And my "previous" pets couldn't very well stay in my house as "previous" would mean the ones I had before, but not now. How is that possible?
42. What circumstances to you are acceptable to find your dog another home? Check all that apply:
If after adoption, yall keep calling or bugging me or sneaking around my property to try to see what kind of dog food I am feeding him.
43. What if your pet develops a frequent urination problem, what would you do?
Try to get him to cross his legs and hold it?
44. Have you ever had a serious behavioral problem with a pet? If so, what did you do?
No, but I have had some serious behavorial problems with a few exes though. Thought I was going to have to put them in a crate if they didn't straighten up.
45. If your dog has any behavioral problems in the future what would you be willing to do?
Phone yall and beg for guidance?
46. What if your pet comes down with a serious medical problem that’s very expensive, what would you do?
Sell the crate and use the money to pay the vet bill.
47. If you decided to move to a place that didn’t allow pets, what would you do?
Hide him in the crate when the landlord came over.
49. Is this dog going to be a surprise for anyone?
I'll be surprised if I can make it to the bottom of this long ass application.
50. Do you plan to take this dog to work with you?
If you can clear that with my boss, sure.
If so, where will he stay at work?
In the crate of course!!!!
51. Do you think it’s necessary to have id on your pet at all times?
Well, if I keep him crated, how would he ever get lost?
52. Most pets require time to adjust to their new home. How much time are you willing to give this pet?
15 minutes. If he ain't caught on by then, back in the crate he goes.
53. Are you planning on enrolling this dog in obedience classes?
Are you planning on paying for it?
54. Where will the dog stay when you go out of town?
Ok, you are making this way too easy. ....... in his CRATE, of course!!!
55. Will the dog have access to a balcony, patio or porch?
I don't have a balcony. But if he is a social type of dog I can build one for him.
56. Is your dog or were your past dogs ever trained off-leash?
Oh damn...... I have to buy a leash now?
57. Do you think a dog should be allowed or trusted off-leash in an unfenced area?
OMG.......... I don't know the answer to that one. Is this a trick question?
58. Do you expect any major life changes within the next 10 years – marriage, children, etc?
Didn't we rule out pregnancy in a previous question?I am beginning to think your org is not very gay friendly.
59. Please provide three personal references that we may call to verify information above.
Jane Doe
John Doe
Baby Doe
By signing below you are in agreement and compliance to our application process and agree that everything on this application is true.
Signature ________________________________________ Date ______________________
Falsification of any of the above information will be grounds for disallowing the adoption of a rescue animal and possible removal of said animal from the home.
Ok lets say I get approved. And then later on you sneak in my yard and peek in my window and don't see the crate. Are you going to steal back my dog????