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View Full Version : LMAO I FUCKING LOVE MY DAD!



SixSquared
06-25-2006, 11:48 PM
Ok... so a toast to my dad.. he is the greatest dad ever. First off, he tagged along with me to Pride today. This in itself is major accomplishment. He actually took a day of not working on the house or relaxing around the house to come stand in the POURING down rain with me and watch drag queens, dykes on bikes, and all other walks of life parade through midtown. Second off, he put up with me downing the HELL outta some beer... and killer kool aid... and hunch punch... and he took all my drunken antics (including signing some random chick's boobs, then letting another girl sit on my shoulders during the parade and then telling her she should sit on my face instead) in PERFECT stride. No eye rolls, nothing. So after an afternoon full of watching me being drunk, hugging random people, kissing random chicks, etc, we came home and I went like STRAIGHT to bed... SO tired. I awoke a few minutes ago and checked my email, and there was one in my inbox from him entitled "Please fwd this to all of your friends who I met today" and I'm going "WTF?" So I open it and here are the contents:


RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for "butch" girls of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact,
come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilising a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are popular, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

2.0civic
06-25-2006, 11:51 PM
the whole time your old man was like "alright!!! this is the most pussy i been around since i was born!!!!" plus, he figures you cant get pregnant that way.....lol, os hes happy then

SixSquared
06-25-2006, 11:54 PM
lmao Steven we need to bring you next year.. there were chicks walking around in nothing but paint.... and then it started raining... :idb:

fawk_you
06-25-2006, 11:56 PM
That fucking rocks! Plain and simple... BTW.... :lmfao: fuck yea.

The Golden Child
06-25-2006, 11:57 PM
rain > paint .. how i would of loved seeing that ..

2.0civic
06-25-2006, 11:57 PM
lmao Steven we need to bring you next year.. there were chicks walking around in nothing but paint.... and then it started raining... :idb:




:D long as no dudes go after me im all good. lol, maybe by then ill have the whole current situation figured out

Crazy Asian
06-25-2006, 11:57 PM
AHAHH wait..I thought you were straight?

2.0civic
06-25-2006, 11:58 PM
AHAHH wait..I thought you were straight?


hell naw man!! emily gets more pussy than me and i tear it up!!!

fawk_you
06-25-2006, 11:59 PM
hell naw man!! emily gets more pussy than me and i tear it up!!!
People who brag about getting that much "pussy" usually dont get any at all. :eye: You might want to reconsider your statement.

Crazy Asian
06-26-2006, 12:00 AM
So she's out of the closet. Then next year Im coming with her.

2.0civic
06-26-2006, 12:00 AM
People who brag about getting that much "pussy" usually dont get any at all. :eye: You might want to reconsider your statement.


if you knew my sex life, you would no its not just talk :goodjob:

SixSquared
06-26-2006, 12:01 AM
AHAHH wait..I thought you were straight?

we've been over this in a bazillion different threads...

http://www.alwaysproud.com/magsuprise.gif

The Golden Child
06-26-2006, 12:01 AM
So she's out of the closet. Then next year Im coming with her.

LIRL !!!

be afraid be very afraid ..

of the guy in tight leather pants with whips ..

Crazy Asian
06-26-2006, 12:02 AM
Oh sorry my attention span is the size of a peanut. I see something flash I look. Even if some dude flashes and some one like the president is talking I look the other way. I really have a short attention span.

SixSquared
06-26-2006, 12:03 AM
LIRL !!!

be afraid be very afraid ..

of the guy in tight leather pants with whips ..

dude you so should have told me that you were there! I totally saw that guy in the parade too! :jester:

2.0civic
06-26-2006, 12:03 AM
we've been over this in a bazillion different threads...

http://www.alwaysproud.com/magsuprise.gif



:eek: :eek: :doh:



LIRL, i never woulda geussed.......

Crazy Asian
06-26-2006, 12:04 AM
I would have grope some boobies and told them I was gay and just tryin out different sizes so I can enter in a drag queen contest

2.0civic
06-26-2006, 12:05 AM
I would have grope some boobies and told them I was gay and just tryin out different sizes so I can enter in a drag queen contest


lol, they would be like "wow you even have a realistic looking fake dick too!! Its only two inches!!""

Crazy Asian
06-26-2006, 12:06 AM
Oh fo sho. Better and easier to hide it when I tape it. Makes it look like I have nothnig. HAHAH thats what I would say

SixSquared
06-26-2006, 12:16 AM
*psssssssst* It's good if it looks like you have nothing.. then girls assume you're just a really butch girl and they wanna make out with you.

2.0civic
06-26-2006, 12:18 AM
that one chick was looking great at the party though...i suck ass with names but she was the one in the short dress. and then the one in the robe too that came...and most everyone else too

SixSquared
06-26-2006, 12:22 AM
short dress.... honestly... I was focusing on Dana's ass haaardcore (chick in red fishnets with black hotpants, red and black skirt, and black shorts) and Lindsey (the ole in the black and gold cowgirl lookin getup).... :D

2.0civic
06-26-2006, 12:23 AM
yeah linsey wqas looking hot too...she coulda got the business

Crazy Asian
06-26-2006, 12:25 AM
DAmn I wish I would have came.

fawk_you
06-26-2006, 12:48 AM
if you knew my sex life, you would no its not just talk :goodjob:
:lmfao: Honestly, every guy says that. Usually they have a pretty small penor as well.... :goodjob:

Wurm
06-26-2006, 04:55 AM
:ttiwwp:

4dmin
06-26-2006, 08:17 AM
lol nice

TRINI4LIFE
06-26-2006, 09:11 AM
:ttiwwp:

x2

babygurl
06-26-2006, 09:30 AM
thats awesome hun!

Rabunchic
06-26-2006, 09:42 AM
Em I love your dad...now your mom on the other hand.....

SixSquared
06-26-2006, 10:18 AM
Em I love your dad...now your mom on the other hand.....

My dad:

http://www.rubatos.com/a_happy-face.gif

My mom:

http://members.aye.net/~gharris/blog/thumbs/JanetLeigh(Psycho)t.jpg

:lmfao: I crack myself up

Rabunchic
06-26-2006, 10:23 AM
Nooo your mom is worse than that