JASONBALL
06-25-2006, 02:16 AM
The Middle Wife
By an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but
the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade
classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions
with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell
is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish
they catch, stuff like that.
And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want
to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her
turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under
her sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and
I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a
symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and
Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh
and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.
"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, '
Oh, oh, oh, oh!' " Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "
She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" Now this
kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.
"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't
have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie
down in bed like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.
"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case
he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!"
This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are miming water
flowing away. It was too much!
"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe,breathe.'
They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden,
out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said it was
from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there."
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.
I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day,
I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.
By an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but
the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade
classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions
with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell
is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish
they catch, stuff like that.
And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want
to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her
turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under
her sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and
I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a
symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and
Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh
and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.
"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, '
Oh, oh, oh, oh!' " Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "
She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" Now this
kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.
"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't
have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie
down in bed like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.
"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case
he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!"
This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are miming water
flowing away. It was too much!
"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe,breathe.'
They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden,
out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said it was
from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there."
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.
I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day,
I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.