jokes these haven't been posted

[JASONBALL]

Now I searched for these QD i hope even you will enjoy.

A MIDDLE-AGED COUPLE HAD TWO BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS BUT ALWAYS TALKED ABOUT
HAVING A SON. THEY DECIDED TO TRY ONE LAST TIME FOR THE SON THEY ALWAYS WANTED.
THE WIFE GOT PREGNANT AND DELIVERED A HEALTHY BABY BOY.
THE JOYFUL FATHER RUSHED TO THE NURSERY TO HIS NEW SON.

HE WAS HORRIFIED AT THE UGLIEST CHILD HE HAD EVER SEEN.
HE TOLD HIS WIFE: "THERES NO WAY I CAN BE THE FATHER OF THIS BABY>"

LOOK AT THE TWO BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS I FATHERED!

"HAVE YOU BEEN FOOLING AROUND BEHIND MY BACK?"

THE WIFE SMILED SWEETLY AND REPLIED: "NOT THIS TIME!"

throw me a rep is your laugh or say oh shit.

[RandomGuy]

lmae

[JASONBALL]

A MORTICIAN WAS WORKING LATE ONE NIGHT. HE EXAMINED THE BODY OF MR.SCHWARTZ,
ABOUT TO BE CREMATED, AND MADE A STARTLING DISCOVERY.
SCHWARTZ HAD THE LARGEST PRIVATE PART HE HAD EVER SEEN!
"IM SORRY MR. SCHWARTZ," THE MORTICIAN COMMENTED,

"I CANT ALLOW YOU TO BE CREMATED WITH SUCH AN IMPRESSIVE PRIVATE PART.

IT MUST BE SAVED FOR POSTERITY.
SO, HE REMOVED IT, STUFFED IT INTO HIS BRIEFCASE, AND TOOK IT HOME.
I HAVE SOMETHING TO SHOW YOU WONT BELEIVE," HE SAID TO HIS WIFE,
OPENING HIS BRIEFCASE.
"MY GOD!" THE WIFE EXCLAIMED, "SCHWARTZ IS DEAD!"

[RandomGuy]

lmae
you'd think that was a typo for LMAO,, but actually a typo for LAME

[quickdodge®]

I've heard both, and even posted the seond one here, years ago, but other than that, good job. Later, QD.

[JASONBALL]

A WOMAN WAS IN BED WITH HER LOVER WHEN SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND OPENING THE FRONT DOOR.
"HURRY" SHE SAID STAND IN THE CORNER." SHE RUBBED BABYOIL ALL OVER HIM, AND THEN DUSTED HIM WITH TALCUM POWDER. "DONT MOVE UNTIL I TELL YOU," SHE SAID, "PRETEND YOURE A STATUE."
"WHATS THIS?" THE HUSBAND INQUIRED AS HE ENTERED THE ROOM.
"OH ITS A STATUE," SHE REPLIED, THE SMITHS BOUGHT ONE AND I LIKED IT
SO I GOT ONE FOR US, TOO."
NO MORE WAS SAID, NOT EVEN WHEN THEY WENT TO BED.
AROUND 2AM THE HUSBAND GOT UP, WENT TO THE KITCHEN AND RETURNED WITH A SANDWICH AND A BEER. "HERE," HE SAID TO THE STATUE, HAVE THIS. I STOOD
LIKE THAT FOR 2 DAYS AT THE SMITHS AND NOBODY OFFERED ME A DAMN THING."

[3kgtdrvr]

lol at the 1st one, boo at the 2nd, and haha at the 3rd :goodjob:

[JASONBALL]

A MAN WALKED INTO A CAFE WENT TO THE BAR AND OFFERED A BEER.

"CERTAINLY, SIR THAT'LL BE ONE CENT".
"ONE CENT?" THE MAN EXCLAIMED.

HE GLANCED AT THE MENU AND ASKED: "HOW MUCH FOR A NICE JUICY STAEK AND A BOTTLE OF WINE?"
"A NICKEL," THE BARMAN REPLIED.

"A NICKEL?" EXCLAIMED THE MAN. "WHERES THE GUY WHO OWNS THIS PLACE?"
THE BARTENDER REPLIED: "UPSTAIRS, WITH MY WIFE."

THE MAN ASKED: "WHATS HE DOING UPSTAIRS, WITH YOUR WIFE?"
THE BARTENDER REPLIED: "THE SAME THING IM DOING TO HIS BUSINESS DOWN HERE."

[JASONBALL]

JAKE WAS DYING. HIS WIFE SAT AT THE BEDSIDE.

HE LOOKED UP AND SAID WEAKLY: "I HAVE SOMETHING I MUST CONFESS."
"THERES NO NEED TO," HIS WIFE REPLIED.

"NO," HE INSISTED, "I WANT TO DIE IN PEACE.

I SLEPT WITH YOUR SISTER, YOUR BEST FRIEND FRIEND, HER BEST FRIEND, AND YOUR
MOTHER!"
"I KNOW," SHE REPLIED. "NOW JUST REST AND LET THE POISON WORK."

[Ran]

A MAN WALKED INTO A CAFE WENT TO THE BAR AND OFFERED A BEER.

"CERTAINLY, SIR THAT'LL BE ONE CENT".
"ONE CENT?" THE MAN EXCLAIMED.

HE GLANCED AT THE MENU AND ASKED: "HOW MUCH FOR A NICE JUICY STAEK AND A BOTTLE OF WINE?"
"A NICKEL," THE BARMAN REPLIED.

"A NICKEL?" EXCLAIMED THE MAN. "WHERES THE GUY WHO OWNS THIS PLACE?"
THE BARTENDER REPLIED: "UPSTAIRS, WITH MY WIFE."

THE MAN ASKED: "WHATS HE DOING UPSTAIRS, WITH YOUR WIFE?"
THE BARTENDER REPLIED: "THE SAME THING IM DOING TO HIS BUSINESS DOWN HERE."This was posted just a few weeks ago. The other ones are pretty good tho. :)

[The Golden Child]

repost but its still funny ..

[hondachick22]

i like all of them.

[TRINI4LIFE]

I have read all of these before. But good find though :goodjob:

[Scrilla]

:werd:

[babygurl]

I have seen those posted here, but good job:)