Critique this song (Rap)

[Bballjamal]

Hey guys, I was wondering if you can critique this song I thought of and made today. It's called "Show me the Way" and it's probably one of the best songs I've made yet (as far as honesty and desent lyriqs go). Style is rap (go figure) and the song doesn't have alot of crazy langage (new for me), so help me out and lemme know what you think!

(Download here)
http://rapidshare.de/files/21653570/M.B.M-_Show_me_the_way.wma.html

(Select Free download, wait for timer to run down, enter code, Click the download bar and save)

1. I'm wondering if you think I should do something different with the chorus. Possibly have a girl sing something in the background, or sing a different chorus herself without me in it or what.

2. Also, should I do a 3rd verse or leave the song "riding out" like it does for 1:42sec. (The beat is hot so I couldn't decide)

3. If not a 3rd verse, should I get a girl to sing a verse that would leave 20-30sec of the beat to play out?

Thanks for helping me out, and maybe one day you'll hear one of my songs on someones cd or something haha. Who knows :bigok:

And if you want to hear the little mixtape me and some friends put together that basically screwed up my first semester of college (won't happen again), then PM me and i'll be glad to send a link over! It's more on the ATL crunk/street side rather than the song posted up there.

[stephen]

that's real talk right there. i'm really feeling that track. the beat is jammin! i don't really think it needs a female or anything for the hook. you could throw a few ad libs in here and there just to fill the song up. the only REAL problem i heard was a small delay in one of the voice overs. when you said "one who somethin somethin somethin," the voice over on the word one was off just a little. just turn that track down in that small section. i like how live you got on the second verse. the song sounded real mellow in the begining, but by the second verse you seemed a little bit more amped. as far as a 3rd verse is concerned, i'd do one of 3 things....1) make another verse....2) that sample that you have in the begining of the track, maybe put the rest of it at the end of the song and fade the beat out....OR 3) just fade the beat out waaaaaaaay before 1 minute. think about if the track goes on the radio, they're going to cut that anyway, so it's really no point in letting the beat ride. true, it wouldn't get cut off if you were to put the track on an album, but i'm sure people would enjoy hearing more lyrics ALONG WITH the hot beat...feel me? all in all man, it's EXCELLENT work. i listened to it like 6 times. i do music too, so just get at me sometime, maybe we can do a collabo or something.

[Bballjamal]

Thanks for the critique man! Thats exactly the type of stuff I was looking forward to seeing. As far as the producing goes on the song, the one you heard was just a dry run as we call it. I did it here at home at the basement studio just to get down what I needed to get down. Upon figuring out what the hell the song needs to sound like, I'll take everything to the real studio, pay for a 1hr session, and knock everything off for cheap and have a mastered track (sound quality wise).

I thought I would've gotten more response from here on IA, since there's so many to claim to know about music or those who complain about certain artists. I was ready to get the song slaughtered by a few haha. But everything in that song I said was real talk, so I never worried about the lyrics. I let Dj K.O hear it who's out here in Peachtree City and he says I need to do a 3rd verse and have the girl sing out the last chorus. He works with Big Boi alot so I might tweak the song his way and see how it comes out.

Thanks man and I'll hit you back in PM about everything else!

[CSquared]

I honestly think it would sound awesome if you could do this:

Get a female vocalist in the background of the chorus to give it a little more depth. She could just repeat what you are saying but at a different pacing or something like that... Don't make it too complicated.

At 2:53ish immediatly after the 3rd chorus I would have her break off and do her own thing. The song sounds like it's coming along real well but you definetely need a hook of some sort. In this case i think a change in the vocal range would be the way to go. Have her start off real low at the spot im talking about and get real loud as the beat begins to thicken back up.

Get a chick who can really "scream"(sing) her lungs out.

While shes doing that you can add a couple of "yeah" or "show me the way" type comments. Just to keep involved and add texture.

I wouldn't do a fade out or anything to end the song. Instead... I would totally cut the drums at 3:26 and let the synthesizer go on it's own with her getting softer over that.

Then... end at 3:36-3:37 on the last note before the last "would-be" chorus or whatever you want to consider that next part.

Otherwise the rest of the song is pretty good... Let me know if you need clarification.

[quickdodge®]

I thought I would've gotten more response from here on IA, since there's so many to claim to know about music or those who complain about certain artists.

That was a dumbass thing to say there, dude. Especially if you looking for good feedback. So because I wasn't gonna respond means I don't know a goddamn thing about hip hop? Cuzz, I've been listening to the shit since before your ass was born. I followed shit. I knew shit about folks that others didn't know..like group affiliates of rappers from the early 80's. I don't claim to know a goddamn thing. I DO know things. You wanna hear a complaint? I didn't like the goddamn track at all. But that's just because it isn;t the style that I like. It wasn't horrible, just not my thing. But I guess this means I don
t know shit about it, huh? Later, QD.

[2.0civic]

QD, i really dont think he was talking bout you in particular. I have seen other people say on here to "oh i know so and so..." or something to that effect

[Bballjamal]

I honestly think it would sound awesome if you could do this:

Get a female vocalist in the background of the chorus to give it a little more depth. She could just repeat what you are saying but at a different pacing or something like that... Don't make it too complicated.

At 2:53ish immediatly after the 3rd chorus I would have her break off and do her own thing. The song sounds like it's coming along real well but you definetely need a hook of some sort. In this case i think a change in the vocal range would be the way to go. Have her start off real low at the spot im talking about and get real loud as the beat begins to thicken back up.

Get a chick who can really "scream"(sing) her lungs out.

While shes doing that you can add a couple of "yeah" or "show me the way" type comments. Just to keep involved and add texture.

I wouldn't do a fade out or anything to end the song. Instead... I would totally cut the drums at 3:26 and let the synthesizer go on it's own with her getting softer over that.

Then... end at 3:36-3:37 on the last note before the last "would-be" chorus or whatever you want to consider that next part.

Otherwise the rest of the song is pretty good... Let me know if you need clarification.

Thanks man! I have a good vocalist on call for the finalizing of the song. I reord everything here at home first, get it right from criticism posts like this, then take everything off to the studio in peachtree city and get it recorded and mastered. I like your idea's of how to end the song also. I've gotten pretty much the same response from 3 other boards on your same opinion and I had that in my head but I also had other ideas, so I needed input. Thanks man and I'll be sure to hit you with a PM with the final version!



That was a dumbass thing to say there, dude. Especially if you looking for good feedback. So because I wasn't gonna respond means I don't know a goddamn thing about hip hop? Cuzz, I've been listening to the shit since before your ass was born. I followed shit. I knew shit about folks that others didn't know..like group affiliates of rappers from the early 80's. I don't claim to know a goddamn thing. I DO know things. You wanna hear a complaint? I didn't like the goddamn track at all. But that's just because it isn;t the style that I like. It wasn't horrible, just not my thing. But I guess this means I don
t know shit about it, huh? Later, QD.

We've already had this discussion man, so I won't get into it much more. I was actually not calling you out on anything but I do appreciate the criticism. When I post something to be criticized I don't hope for someone to post something good just because I hold a good presence. I want to hear the honest opinion. Even though that small paragraph wasn't meant for you, I'm glad it caught your attention to get your true analysis out.

There are many other people on this site that throw around weird opinions on music and I don't knock them for that. I was just excited to hear those opinions on a song I made, nothing more. And man, I don't question your age, and knowledge on Rap. I myself don't even consider someone to know something more just because of their age, but for you, you can take the cookies. But I won't get into it with you, we've already been down this path and it clearly wasn't cleared up like I thought it was before :( . But fuck it

Thanks everyone! :goodjob:

P.s - More criticism appreciated if at all possible!

[quickdodge®]

QD, i really dont think he was talking bout you in particular. I have seen other people say on here to "oh i know so and so..." or something to that effect

I realize it wasn' directed specifically to me. But to bascially call out people and their "knowledge" of hip hop just because they don't listen or respond isn't necessary.

Your track isn't bad at all, dude. Not just the style of rap I like. Good luck, though. Later, QD.

[Bballjamal]

I feel ya man! Everyone of my good friends say I word things wrong and it gets me in altercations all the time. I've been working on it, but I assure you, I wasn't testing anyone's knowledge on hip/hop.

Thanks, and if you mess with any local Dj's mixtapes (Dj Goldfinger/Dj Smooth/Dj K.o) you can find some of our stuff making on there throughout the summer. Just signed the small contract for all 3 today! Dj Goldfinger's "Street Heat 2006" should be coming out here pretty soon in June sometime! Later!

[ReCkLe5s]

i fucking think you suck hardcore..