so who's got jokes.

[JASONBALL]

two blondes

Carol and Donna, were doing some carpentry work on a
>> > Habitat for Humanity house.
>> >
>> > Carol, who was nailing down house siding, would reach
>> > into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over
>> > her shoulder or nail it in.
>> >
>> > Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked,
>> > "Why are you throwing those nails away?"
>> >
>> > Carol explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch,
>> > about half of them have the head on the wrong end
>> > and I throw them away."
>> >
>> > Donna got completely upset and yelled, "You moron!
>> > Those nails aren't defective!
>> >
>> > They're for the other side of the house!"

[JASONBALL]

GAS PRICES

READ ON




























>I went into the gas station today and asked for five dollars worth of gas.
>The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.

[JASONBALL]

A man arrives in Heaven appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter looks over his paperwork. The guy looks OK, but he wants to be sure. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asks.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man replies. "On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers threatening a young woman. I warned them to leave her alone."


"That's impressive," the gatekeeper says. "Then what happened?"

"Well, they wouldn't back off, so I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now back off, biker boy, or you'll answer to me!"

"That's really brave," St. Peter said, clearly impressed. "But I don't have it in your paperwork. When did this happen?"

"Let's see," the man says, looking at his watch. "About a minute and a half ago."

[JASONBALL]

A man and his wife were in the court getting a divorce. The problem was who should get custody of the child.

The wife jumping up and down said:'Your Honor'. I brought the child into the world with pain andLabor. She should be in my custody.

The judge turns to the husband and says ' What do you have to say in your defense? “


The man sat for a while contemplating..then slowly rose. 'Your Honor, if I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out... whose Pepsi is it , the machine's or mine?

[Stormhammer]

^^ lol I like the last one

[RandomGuy]

A man and his wife were in the court getting a divorce. The problem was who should get custody of the child.

The wife jumping up and down said:'Your Honor'. I brought the child into the world with pain andLabor. She should be in my custody.

The judge turns to the husband and says ' What do you have to say in your defense? “


The man sat for a while contemplating..then slowly rose. 'Your Honor, if I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out... whose Pepsi is it , the machine's or mine?



LOL GREAT

[Dr.G]

This guy's at work when he receives a call from the hospital informing him that his wife's been in an accident. He rushes to the emergency room where he's met by the doctor. They sit down in the waiting room and the doctor, with a very solemn look on his face starts to speak. But before he can, the guy interrupts.

Guy: "Doc, don't tell me my wife's dead. I just can't take it. Really, I can't take it. I love her."

Doctor: "Well, sir, I do have some bad news." Again the guy interrupts.

Guy: "Doc, just tell me, did she make it?" Doctor: "As I was saying, we did all we could. Right now she's in a vegatative state, which is likely where she'll remain for the rest of her life. She can stay here overnight, but after that, you'll have to take her home because your insurance doesn't cover this type of thing."

The guy slumps, just crushed.

Doctor: "With the right care, which will include you feeding her five times a day, cleaning her and giving her constant care on a daily basis, she'll likely live for at least another 30 years."

The guy sinks even lower, just crushed, and starts to cry.

Doctor: "As I said, your insurance doesn't cover this kind of care, so you'll have to make some sort of arrangements to purchase the equipment you'll need for your wife. I would suggest you put your house on the market today and sell it as quickly as possible and buy a mobile home. You're gonna need the excess cash. It should be enough to buy the equipment your wife needs and for you to live on for the next couple of months. By then, you should be able to qualify for welfare and other forms of state and federal aid."

By this point, the guy is sobbing uncontrollably.

The doctor reaches over, puts his hand on his shoulder and says, "Hey, look at me."

The guy looks up and the doctor smiles and says, "I'm just fucking with you, she's dead."

[TeeJay]

heres a good one.....

http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e381/timbo1380/jesuslolorly.gif

[94accord]

What's red and has seven dents?


























Snow White's cherry.