BABY J
03-14-2006, 09:04 AM
I'm Baby J, and I'd like to tell you about myself. I know a lot about hardship, because I came into this world as a poor white child in a tiny town in the backwoods of Georgia that you probably never heard of... ATLANTA. I was born in a log cabin that I built with my own 2 hands on Feb 31, 1979. Now I am a 27 year old black man.
I taught myself to read by candlelight and helped support my 16 brothers and sisters by working summers as a oil-changer and Krispy Kreme Doughnut-Picker-Upper at a Jiffy Lube. My mother taught me the value of speed, so every day, I would run 5 miles to a one-room schoolhouse. I was a mischievous, fun loving scamp, though I never dreamed that one day, my youthful escapades would serve as the inspiration for the book and subsequent movie "The Fast and the Furious."
After getting my high school diploma, I took a job in a hot, dirty chop-shop. I was so appalled at the treatment of the imports there, that I organized a union. Later, that experience inspired a company called SEMA and NOPI to open their doors for the better treatment of cars.
When word got out what an 18-year old chop-shop wiper-blade installer had done, Harvard called and offered me a scholarship. I captained Harvard's drag-racing team to four consecutive national championships, and won the world championships.
But there was a war going on, and I felt I had to serve my country. So I enlisted in U.T.I and went to Orlando. I was deeply opposed to U.T.I, but I did my duty as a student and came back home with the ability to look at tuners in the face and explain why their AEM Cold Air Intake is the reason why I can't warranty their sudden transmission failure.
When I got back from U.T.I, I took a long journey across this great land of ours. I've crossed the deserts bare, man, I've breathed the mountain air, man, I've traveled, I've done my share, man, I've been everywhere. And the people I met at truckstops, Publix parking lots, whorehouses, homeless shelters, and drag strips on that journey all said the same thing: "Baby J, we need you on Import Atlanta!!"
I knew they were right, but first I had to take care of some other business -- building Atlanta Dragway, founding Pacesetter special horsepower-reducing headers, doing the research that found the cure for turbo-lag, and helping Honda invent VTEC.
Finally, I deferred to the demands of the people of Georgia and allowed them to elect me to the U.S. House of Representatives and the Senate. And then one winter day nearly 6 years ago, for no personal reason at all, I answered the call of the people once again and took the oath of office as owner or Tornado (http://www.tornadoair.com/)
Since then, I've been part of the most successful administration in Import Performance history. Many times Dominick Toretto has been pondering some grave decision and has asked me what to do. When I would give him my thoughts, he would invariably say, "Because the BUSTA kept me out of handcuffs, he didn't just run back to the fort, the busta brought ME back!"
During the darkest days of the street battles, Toretto told me he only wished he had listened when I told him to stay away from that blonde-haired racer, Brian Spilner.
So after I decided to run for president, I sat down with him and asked if he had any suggestions about how to conduct my campaign. And Toretto gave me a few simple words of advice -- words I'll never forget. He looked me in the eye and he said, "I live my life a 1/4 mile at a time... for those 10 seconds or less... I'm free."
I taught myself to read by candlelight and helped support my 16 brothers and sisters by working summers as a oil-changer and Krispy Kreme Doughnut-Picker-Upper at a Jiffy Lube. My mother taught me the value of speed, so every day, I would run 5 miles to a one-room schoolhouse. I was a mischievous, fun loving scamp, though I never dreamed that one day, my youthful escapades would serve as the inspiration for the book and subsequent movie "The Fast and the Furious."
After getting my high school diploma, I took a job in a hot, dirty chop-shop. I was so appalled at the treatment of the imports there, that I organized a union. Later, that experience inspired a company called SEMA and NOPI to open their doors for the better treatment of cars.
When word got out what an 18-year old chop-shop wiper-blade installer had done, Harvard called and offered me a scholarship. I captained Harvard's drag-racing team to four consecutive national championships, and won the world championships.
But there was a war going on, and I felt I had to serve my country. So I enlisted in U.T.I and went to Orlando. I was deeply opposed to U.T.I, but I did my duty as a student and came back home with the ability to look at tuners in the face and explain why their AEM Cold Air Intake is the reason why I can't warranty their sudden transmission failure.
When I got back from U.T.I, I took a long journey across this great land of ours. I've crossed the deserts bare, man, I've breathed the mountain air, man, I've traveled, I've done my share, man, I've been everywhere. And the people I met at truckstops, Publix parking lots, whorehouses, homeless shelters, and drag strips on that journey all said the same thing: "Baby J, we need you on Import Atlanta!!"
I knew they were right, but first I had to take care of some other business -- building Atlanta Dragway, founding Pacesetter special horsepower-reducing headers, doing the research that found the cure for turbo-lag, and helping Honda invent VTEC.
Finally, I deferred to the demands of the people of Georgia and allowed them to elect me to the U.S. House of Representatives and the Senate. And then one winter day nearly 6 years ago, for no personal reason at all, I answered the call of the people once again and took the oath of office as owner or Tornado (http://www.tornadoair.com/)
Since then, I've been part of the most successful administration in Import Performance history. Many times Dominick Toretto has been pondering some grave decision and has asked me what to do. When I would give him my thoughts, he would invariably say, "Because the BUSTA kept me out of handcuffs, he didn't just run back to the fort, the busta brought ME back!"
During the darkest days of the street battles, Toretto told me he only wished he had listened when I told him to stay away from that blonde-haired racer, Brian Spilner.
So after I decided to run for president, I sat down with him and asked if he had any suggestions about how to conduct my campaign. And Toretto gave me a few simple words of advice -- words I'll never forget. He looked me in the eye and he said, "I live my life a 1/4 mile at a time... for those 10 seconds or less... I'm free."