never_finished
01-27-2006, 07:33 PM
ok so i know some of these are gonna be a repost...but i saw some new ones and figured i would share.
Tea Bag: As you are sitting on a girl's face, repeatedly dip your scrotum in and out of her mouth
Angry Dragon: Immediately after you blow your load in a girls mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look like an angry dragon.
Smurf: Smurfing is when the guy takes is dick and flogs it onto the side of the girl's face.
Dog In The Bathtub: You attempt to insert your cock and nuts into a girl's ass. Now, which is harder; getting the dog in the bath, or keeping the dog in?
Houdini: Wanna be a magician? First off start ramming the bitch from behind. When you are about to cum, announce that your cumming. Pull out and hock a loogie on her back, and when she turns around to look at you, bust a nut right on her face.
Bucking Bronco: You start by going doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab her tits as tight as possible and yell another girls name. When she tries to get you off, see how long you can stay on this bucking bronco.
One Eyed Pirate: Blow your load in one of the bitch's eyes. While she tries to wipe it off, kick her in the shin. The desired effect is to get her hopping on one leg while holding the other, and covering one of her eyes with her free hand. She may even say "Argh!"
Popcorn Surprise: Not really a sex position, but something really funny to do. First when you and your bitch are at a movie theatre, tell her that you will buy the popcorn while she holds the seats. When you buy the popcorn, cut a hole in the bottom, so when you sit down you can carefully maneuver your schlong into the hole. When she reaches in for a handful or two, she will get a nice surprise. Everyone likes buttered popcorn.
Flaming Pele: This is funny as shit. You start plugging the girl from behind. You reach around with a lighter and light her bush on fire and you kick her off the bed. Flaming Pele.
Rear Admiral: An absolute blast. When getting a chick from behind (while both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab on to anything when she is bent over. Then, drive you hips into her backside so that you end up pushing her forwards. The goal is to push her into a wall or table. It's almost as much fun watching her face hit the floor. You rise to Admiral status when you can bang her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips.
Pablocopter: Ok, you start ramming her from behind, then you bust all in your condom. You slip it off, tie it off in a knot and swing it around while you sing Petey Pablo's line of, "Swing it like a helicopter."
Polish Abortion: Well, you can do this after the Pablocopter, you tie the condom in a knot, then you throw it against the wall and yell, "That ****er ain't going nowhere." That's how the polish have an abortion.
Turkey Gobbler: Ok, when a girl is giving you dome, you punch her right it her stomach, so you knock the wind out of her. With all the air rushing out of her mouth, you shove your cock down her throat. The wind will hit your dick and should make a noise like a gobbling turkey.
French Revolution: After discovering your girlfriend is cheating on you, arrange a romantic encounter for that evening. Prior to her arrival, jerk off ferociously five or six times, making an erection impossible. She will begin to blow you, and her failure to charm the old snake will only make her slobber much more intensely. Now, scream out the name of the dude she's been banging as you fill her mouth with pee.
Table Time: This is when you are bending someone over a table doggy style, and right as you are about to cum in the heat of the moment you ask them "What time is it?" When they look back at you confused and say, "What?" You then slam their head into the table and say "It's Table time Bitch"
Tabasco Breakup: Before sex, you replace your trusty everyday lube with 5-6 ounces of flaming hot Tabasco sauce and liberally apply it to the outside of your condom. Now I'm not talking about that mild, weak shit that you get at Taco Bell, I am talking about that silly hot dark green shit that you can only find in the dark jungles of some unknown foreign country. After you've greased up, you quickly slide it in and give her about 2-8 quick pumps, pull out and roll over snickering and watch the bitch break the sound barrier as she runs for the bathroom holding her burning cooch. You tell her it is supposedly some sort of new strain of incurable STD, and finish up the relationship by emptying her purse and stealing her car.
Dirty Elvis: Is making the bitch look like a dirty Mexican not enough? Well, thank God for the King. Start to give the woman the Dirty Sanchez, but instead of wiping your shit finger on her upper lip, you give her some nice long Elvis sideburns. If your lucky she'll O.D. on the toilet and you won't have to call her.
Double Whammy: Very simple and funny position. All you do in donkey punch the bitch INTO a table time. Easy, and you can check off two sex positions at once.
People's Pussy: When you've got some stank bitch from behind and the nasty pussy smell starts creeping up to your nose, shout out at the top of your lungs, "CAN YOU SMELLLLLLL what my COCK is ****in'" Then answer your own question with a resounding, "YES!" and drop a sharp elbow on her chest. As she looks up at you in dismay, be sure to give her the people's eyebrow.
Spartan War Helmet: Your laying the bitch down, giving her a teabag to warm up the sack, and what do you know, Athens is attacking, and she has to go to war. Now, be a nice guy and help her with her helmet by flopping your nuts over her eyes, and slapping your dick right down her nose. Now she's ready for battle.
Starry Eyed Surprise: This is when your girl is sucking on your nuts and right before you blow your load you tell her to look up at the beautiful stars, and when she does, bust a nut in her eye and yell "starry eyed surprise!"
Carbonated Cum (CGSB): The once in a lifetime act when blowing a hot steamy load down the back of the girl's throat, proceed to give her a large cold bottle of your most favorite carbonated drink and make her guzzle it down. Then, shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect.
Aztec: It's called the Aztec because it will only be done in a drug induced cracked out prophetic haze. A dick in the stink, six fingers in the pink, and three fingers in your own ass. Although it?s never known to have been performed, hopefully it will catch on.
Wrecking Ball: Do your girl from behind while standing. While she's bent over, grab both of her wrists. Pick a nearby target, and swing that bitch's head into it like a wrecking ball.
Hotdog in the Hallway: Jesus Shit, This thing here is like a throwing a hotdog in a hallway.
Pumpkin Love: This is when you are ****ing a girl who you hate, and you want to make her cry. After about 3 minutes of ****ing, tell her to hop off the nuts, and then go **** a pumpkin, cum in it, make her eat the insides of the pumpkin, and then break that ****er over her head. Hop off the nuts, thanks.
Sandbag: When you are doing a girl on the beach, just before you raid her womb, remove the rubber (without getting caught of course), and proceed to bang away until you blow your load, without pulling out. As you dismount and prepare for departure, grab a handful of sand, throw it in her eyes, and run away giggling hysterically while leaving her blinded, butt-naked, and knocked up. Especially lots of fun when accomplished during the spring break season.
Rusty Trombone: The nastiest instrument known to humanity. You get your girl to start corn holing you with her tongue, as she rims you, she gives you a reach around and starts to jerk you off. Play that tune, you sick ****.
Dingleberry Surprise: Ok, get some Toilet Paper and put it in between your asscheeks. Then go run around until that shit is all kinds of dingleberry-ified. Relax and let it sit, and get all nasty and crusty. When you go to perform the teabag on the unsuspecting bitch, proceed to wipe the berries off in her hair and her eyebrows. Take that ho, you just got a nice Dingleberry Surprise.
Debeers: You know the bitch is a keeper when she deep throats you, but she also gets your balls in her mouth. If a girl can do that, you will be buying her a Debeers Diamond the next day.
Penalty Kick: You're sitting down, getting some dome from a skank, and you shout in pain 'cause she dragged her teeth. Tell her to bend over doggy style, and give her penalty kick right in her ass.
Pink Sock: You start ramming the bitch in the ass. While your ****ing her, at the same time, punch her in both her kidneys and pull out. The suction will pull her anus out, then you grab a lighter and light it on fire.
Chief Assmaster: While you corn hole some broad, light a cigarette and put it in her vertical lips. As the motions from your intense anal session make her box tighten and release, the pussy will smoke the cigarette, resulting in smoke signals to rise up from the crack of her ass. If you can make her pussy blow rings, consider renaming yourself Chief Assmaster. Maybe you should buy a casino.
Jelly Doughnut: When the ho is giving you some head, pull out of her mouth and bust all over her mouth and nose. Punch in the nose and break it, this will make blood pour out. Now, mix the blood and jizz together with your cock and stick it back in her mouth. A nice jelly doughnut.
Dirty River: You give a bitch the most painful anal sex of her life and then ask her to turn around. Just as she turns you surprise her with a low blow, a punch to her lower stomach as hard as you can. Once you land the blow she will shit uncontrollably, shit will flow from her worn out asshole like a dirty ****ing river. Then just sit back and enjoy the show.
Pull Start: If you have a freaky bitch, and she wants to do anal beads, make her think twice. Once they're in her ass, pretend like you're starting a lawnmower, and pull start that junk out of her ass. She will shit everywhere and you can laugh.
Ramshark: The woman braces herself facing a wall, naked, hands against the wall, legs spread, bent over so that her ass is lusciously jutting out. (hint: She might want to wear a biking helmet and some rollerblading wrist guards to avoid serious injury.) Next, the guy also naked as well as stiff cocked, walks to the opposite end of the room, places his palms together and raises them above his head, and begins chanting the theme to JAWS. Then, the guy sprints toward the girl at full speed with his pelvis-out, fin protruding, and rams her dead square in the ass.
Snow blower: You grab the ho from behind, and you grab her arms like in the wrecking ball. But, unlike the wrecking ball, you just **** her real fast and subtle so she jerks back and forth like a snow blower.
Boiling Decision: This is wear your bitch is cooking you dinner, (if she's not cooking you dinner, then smack her), and you bend her over and stick it in her ass. If she says no, then you dunk her head into boiling water. If she says yes, then you do it anyway just so her ass spasms.
The Matrix: You and your buddy are double-teaming a chick, and you pull out and start spanking all over her face, porno style. Only the thing is, she dodges the spunk blasts, moving faster then the rules of physics would let a fat slut like that move. Just as she's about to get away, your buddy grabs her by the hair, sticks his dick in her ear, and says 'Dodge this!' as he blows out her eardrum.
My Little Pony: Having her doggie-styled while harnessed around the mouth with her dirty underwear.
**** Trumpet: Fill a woman's **** with air by placing your lips on her vertical smile and blowing into it. Then, punch her lower abdominal area without warning and release the trapped air. The harmonious queef produced should be the sound of a poorly played trumpet. Great instrument to pick up at band camp.
Affrin: When you and some random ho are 69ing, you pull out of her mouth and shoot a load in her nostril up to her brain, then smurf her on the nose. (A.K.A. Growth Spurt)
One Armed Bandit: Make your lady all happy by telling her that you would love to give her a massage. When she rolls over, start to massage her with one hand while you furiously jerk off with the other. When she starts to enjoy it, blow a nice load of spunk all over her back and run out the room before she can turn around. You are the one armed bandit
Tony Danza: When you are about to cum while doing a girl from behind, you say 'Who's the boss?' and stick it in her ass. Before she has a chance to complain you shout 'TONY DANZA!' and punch her in the head.
Toboggan Ride: Get yourself a fat girl and lay the bone doggy style on the top of a set of stairs. Before you blow your nut, give her one last punishing thrust, pull her elbows back and tip her down the stairs. Using her elbows as handlebars attempt to steer in case of change of direction down stairs. You have to use fat bitches because skinny ones can inflict injury on you as well.
Turkey Stuffer: It's Thanksgiving time, and you want to get more into the spirits of the white man raping the Indians of their land, so what do you do? Yes, that's right; you bang your girl doggy style, and right before you are about to nut, pull out and blow all over your hand. Make that bitch scream "Gobble Gobble" as you jam your jizz hand straight up her ass.
Rose Red: Seductively brush a beautiful long stem red rose against your sweethearts neck, breasts, and inner thigh. Slowly rub the rose along her smooth skin as you tenderly kiss her entire body. After working her into the mood for some deep love making, unzip your fly and pull out your raging boner. Begin to punish-**** her pooper while whipping her with the rose and screaming nasty obscenities at her. I bet she never saw that coming.
Mushroom Stamp: You and some ho are going at it, and you find out she is on the rag when you go down to try and please her with your mouth. That nasty bitch has got to pay, so what do you do? Start ramming that bitch hard and fast so your dick gets all sorts of blood on it, then give her a mushroom stamp by smurfing her right on her forehead.
Shinter: The inverted shocker, just 1 in the pink, 2 in the stink.
Comet Trail: After shooting your wad in some ho's mouth, slap her briskly across the cheek. If it's a clear, starry night, and the crack is brisk enough, a long strand of man sherbet should streak up her cheek and into her hair, resembling a tail of a comet. Making her sit on a telescope during the deed is only intended for the most wily astronomer.
Jackhammer: You start doing a girl from behind, and you quickly pull out and put it in her ass, then pull out and put in back into her pussy. Repeat that until she looses all control over her body and her arms collapse, then pull out and spunk in her hair.
Paul Bunyan Log Slam: Get a girl to shit for you, and when the turtle head starts to show, slam your dick right in to the log. Make sure you call her "Babe" sometime during the lumberjack session to complete the Paul Bunyan effect.
Double Fishhook: Do the girl doggy style, and reach around with your index fingers slightly bent in the shape of a fishhook and stick the both in her mouth and grab her cheeks and pull back as hard as you can.
Northwave Sanchez: *Thanks to Gary for this one* Some of you might know this as "Indian War paint", but I assure you it is the Northwave Sanchez. You start ramming the bitch from behind, and you jackhammer her once, then turn her around, and give her some nice skid marks right under her eyes. That's the Sanchez the Northwave way.
Lochness Monster: You take home the bar star you've been buying drinks for all night. You get in the car for the drive home and the wench starts to give you road head. When she comes up for air, you realize she's an ugly monster with three humps and a ****ed-up, long neck. You bust in its face, step on the gas, and push it out of the car. Now it's time to call the Enquirer and report your sighting.
TKO: It's round three of you and your girl having sex, and you want to finish it off to watch some football, so you have to get her down for the count. You sit up in a chair, and she sits facing you and straddling you, and you put your hands above your head, like you are blocking a potential punch from her. When she asks what you are doing, throw a nice uppercut into her tittie so it flies up, hits her face, and knocks her clean off your nuts. Now, go down and count her out. Congratulations, you just won by: Titty Knockout.
Pig Pull Slam: Start ramming the dirty old whore from behind, and grab her pigtails, if she doesn't have any, just grab her hair like she did, and pull her up and head butt her down to the bed where she remains unconscious. Now, Stick a piece of bacon in her ass and take a picture. Why, I don't know, but mostly for shits and giggles.
Ahab: While ****ing your girl doggie style, you suddenly pull out for no apparent reason. When she turns around for an explanation, she notices you've jumped off the bed onto a skateboard, holding the mighty dildo-harpoon in hand, cocked and ready to spear her in the ass. You pursue her as she runs out of the house and down the street, you yell, "You're not getting away from me this time, White Whale!"
The Fonz: You are fingering a girl, and you stick one thumb in her ****, and the other thumb in her turd cutter, and give her two thumbs up followed by a nice "Ehhhhhhhh."
Carpet Cleaner: While banging a girl doggy style, tie her arms behind her back, lift up her hips, and run around the room pushing her face first across the carpet. Not recommended with large women.
Inverted Cannonball: You pick the bitch up into a cannonball and just start ramming the hell out of her. Quick, easy, and very degrading.
Dirty Bull-Ring: You bend her over and **** her from behind. You then pull out, stick two fingers in her ass and scrape out shit, then stick the fingers in her nose and pull back as you yell "Toro, bitch, Toro."
High Dive: The skill of pulling your Johnson all the way out of your partner's hole, and in one motion jamming it home again. Best suited for use in the corn hole, but can be very dangerous.
Firefighter: This one's for all you pyromaniacs out there. When your screwing some chick, right when your about to cum, you pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then extinguish the flames with your goo. Wear a Christmas hat too, just to get into the spirit. Merry Christmas you ****ers.
Mexican Oven: When lying in bed with your bitch and you feel like you got the runs, calmly get up and tuck in the sheets nice and neat then quickly jump into bed throwing the blankets up over both of your heads and let the shit run rabid all over the sheets. When she's realizes what's happening she'll go nuts trying to get out while getting the watery wet stinky shit all over her. Now don't worry about getting it all over you, cause for those five minutes... you're Mexican.
Tea Bag: As you are sitting on a girl's face, repeatedly dip your scrotum in and out of her mouth
Angry Dragon: Immediately after you blow your load in a girls mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look like an angry dragon.
Smurf: Smurfing is when the guy takes is dick and flogs it onto the side of the girl's face.
Dog In The Bathtub: You attempt to insert your cock and nuts into a girl's ass. Now, which is harder; getting the dog in the bath, or keeping the dog in?
Houdini: Wanna be a magician? First off start ramming the bitch from behind. When you are about to cum, announce that your cumming. Pull out and hock a loogie on her back, and when she turns around to look at you, bust a nut right on her face.
Bucking Bronco: You start by going doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab her tits as tight as possible and yell another girls name. When she tries to get you off, see how long you can stay on this bucking bronco.
One Eyed Pirate: Blow your load in one of the bitch's eyes. While she tries to wipe it off, kick her in the shin. The desired effect is to get her hopping on one leg while holding the other, and covering one of her eyes with her free hand. She may even say "Argh!"
Popcorn Surprise: Not really a sex position, but something really funny to do. First when you and your bitch are at a movie theatre, tell her that you will buy the popcorn while she holds the seats. When you buy the popcorn, cut a hole in the bottom, so when you sit down you can carefully maneuver your schlong into the hole. When she reaches in for a handful or two, she will get a nice surprise. Everyone likes buttered popcorn.
Flaming Pele: This is funny as shit. You start plugging the girl from behind. You reach around with a lighter and light her bush on fire and you kick her off the bed. Flaming Pele.
Rear Admiral: An absolute blast. When getting a chick from behind (while both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab on to anything when she is bent over. Then, drive you hips into her backside so that you end up pushing her forwards. The goal is to push her into a wall or table. It's almost as much fun watching her face hit the floor. You rise to Admiral status when you can bang her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips.
Pablocopter: Ok, you start ramming her from behind, then you bust all in your condom. You slip it off, tie it off in a knot and swing it around while you sing Petey Pablo's line of, "Swing it like a helicopter."
Polish Abortion: Well, you can do this after the Pablocopter, you tie the condom in a knot, then you throw it against the wall and yell, "That ****er ain't going nowhere." That's how the polish have an abortion.
Turkey Gobbler: Ok, when a girl is giving you dome, you punch her right it her stomach, so you knock the wind out of her. With all the air rushing out of her mouth, you shove your cock down her throat. The wind will hit your dick and should make a noise like a gobbling turkey.
French Revolution: After discovering your girlfriend is cheating on you, arrange a romantic encounter for that evening. Prior to her arrival, jerk off ferociously five or six times, making an erection impossible. She will begin to blow you, and her failure to charm the old snake will only make her slobber much more intensely. Now, scream out the name of the dude she's been banging as you fill her mouth with pee.
Table Time: This is when you are bending someone over a table doggy style, and right as you are about to cum in the heat of the moment you ask them "What time is it?" When they look back at you confused and say, "What?" You then slam their head into the table and say "It's Table time Bitch"
Tabasco Breakup: Before sex, you replace your trusty everyday lube with 5-6 ounces of flaming hot Tabasco sauce and liberally apply it to the outside of your condom. Now I'm not talking about that mild, weak shit that you get at Taco Bell, I am talking about that silly hot dark green shit that you can only find in the dark jungles of some unknown foreign country. After you've greased up, you quickly slide it in and give her about 2-8 quick pumps, pull out and roll over snickering and watch the bitch break the sound barrier as she runs for the bathroom holding her burning cooch. You tell her it is supposedly some sort of new strain of incurable STD, and finish up the relationship by emptying her purse and stealing her car.
Dirty Elvis: Is making the bitch look like a dirty Mexican not enough? Well, thank God for the King. Start to give the woman the Dirty Sanchez, but instead of wiping your shit finger on her upper lip, you give her some nice long Elvis sideburns. If your lucky she'll O.D. on the toilet and you won't have to call her.
Double Whammy: Very simple and funny position. All you do in donkey punch the bitch INTO a table time. Easy, and you can check off two sex positions at once.
People's Pussy: When you've got some stank bitch from behind and the nasty pussy smell starts creeping up to your nose, shout out at the top of your lungs, "CAN YOU SMELLLLLLL what my COCK is ****in'" Then answer your own question with a resounding, "YES!" and drop a sharp elbow on her chest. As she looks up at you in dismay, be sure to give her the people's eyebrow.
Spartan War Helmet: Your laying the bitch down, giving her a teabag to warm up the sack, and what do you know, Athens is attacking, and she has to go to war. Now, be a nice guy and help her with her helmet by flopping your nuts over her eyes, and slapping your dick right down her nose. Now she's ready for battle.
Starry Eyed Surprise: This is when your girl is sucking on your nuts and right before you blow your load you tell her to look up at the beautiful stars, and when she does, bust a nut in her eye and yell "starry eyed surprise!"
Carbonated Cum (CGSB): The once in a lifetime act when blowing a hot steamy load down the back of the girl's throat, proceed to give her a large cold bottle of your most favorite carbonated drink and make her guzzle it down. Then, shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect.
Aztec: It's called the Aztec because it will only be done in a drug induced cracked out prophetic haze. A dick in the stink, six fingers in the pink, and three fingers in your own ass. Although it?s never known to have been performed, hopefully it will catch on.
Wrecking Ball: Do your girl from behind while standing. While she's bent over, grab both of her wrists. Pick a nearby target, and swing that bitch's head into it like a wrecking ball.
Hotdog in the Hallway: Jesus Shit, This thing here is like a throwing a hotdog in a hallway.
Pumpkin Love: This is when you are ****ing a girl who you hate, and you want to make her cry. After about 3 minutes of ****ing, tell her to hop off the nuts, and then go **** a pumpkin, cum in it, make her eat the insides of the pumpkin, and then break that ****er over her head. Hop off the nuts, thanks.
Sandbag: When you are doing a girl on the beach, just before you raid her womb, remove the rubber (without getting caught of course), and proceed to bang away until you blow your load, without pulling out. As you dismount and prepare for departure, grab a handful of sand, throw it in her eyes, and run away giggling hysterically while leaving her blinded, butt-naked, and knocked up. Especially lots of fun when accomplished during the spring break season.
Rusty Trombone: The nastiest instrument known to humanity. You get your girl to start corn holing you with her tongue, as she rims you, she gives you a reach around and starts to jerk you off. Play that tune, you sick ****.
Dingleberry Surprise: Ok, get some Toilet Paper and put it in between your asscheeks. Then go run around until that shit is all kinds of dingleberry-ified. Relax and let it sit, and get all nasty and crusty. When you go to perform the teabag on the unsuspecting bitch, proceed to wipe the berries off in her hair and her eyebrows. Take that ho, you just got a nice Dingleberry Surprise.
Debeers: You know the bitch is a keeper when she deep throats you, but she also gets your balls in her mouth. If a girl can do that, you will be buying her a Debeers Diamond the next day.
Penalty Kick: You're sitting down, getting some dome from a skank, and you shout in pain 'cause she dragged her teeth. Tell her to bend over doggy style, and give her penalty kick right in her ass.
Pink Sock: You start ramming the bitch in the ass. While your ****ing her, at the same time, punch her in both her kidneys and pull out. The suction will pull her anus out, then you grab a lighter and light it on fire.
Chief Assmaster: While you corn hole some broad, light a cigarette and put it in her vertical lips. As the motions from your intense anal session make her box tighten and release, the pussy will smoke the cigarette, resulting in smoke signals to rise up from the crack of her ass. If you can make her pussy blow rings, consider renaming yourself Chief Assmaster. Maybe you should buy a casino.
Jelly Doughnut: When the ho is giving you some head, pull out of her mouth and bust all over her mouth and nose. Punch in the nose and break it, this will make blood pour out. Now, mix the blood and jizz together with your cock and stick it back in her mouth. A nice jelly doughnut.
Dirty River: You give a bitch the most painful anal sex of her life and then ask her to turn around. Just as she turns you surprise her with a low blow, a punch to her lower stomach as hard as you can. Once you land the blow she will shit uncontrollably, shit will flow from her worn out asshole like a dirty ****ing river. Then just sit back and enjoy the show.
Pull Start: If you have a freaky bitch, and she wants to do anal beads, make her think twice. Once they're in her ass, pretend like you're starting a lawnmower, and pull start that junk out of her ass. She will shit everywhere and you can laugh.
Ramshark: The woman braces herself facing a wall, naked, hands against the wall, legs spread, bent over so that her ass is lusciously jutting out. (hint: She might want to wear a biking helmet and some rollerblading wrist guards to avoid serious injury.) Next, the guy also naked as well as stiff cocked, walks to the opposite end of the room, places his palms together and raises them above his head, and begins chanting the theme to JAWS. Then, the guy sprints toward the girl at full speed with his pelvis-out, fin protruding, and rams her dead square in the ass.
Snow blower: You grab the ho from behind, and you grab her arms like in the wrecking ball. But, unlike the wrecking ball, you just **** her real fast and subtle so she jerks back and forth like a snow blower.
Boiling Decision: This is wear your bitch is cooking you dinner, (if she's not cooking you dinner, then smack her), and you bend her over and stick it in her ass. If she says no, then you dunk her head into boiling water. If she says yes, then you do it anyway just so her ass spasms.
The Matrix: You and your buddy are double-teaming a chick, and you pull out and start spanking all over her face, porno style. Only the thing is, she dodges the spunk blasts, moving faster then the rules of physics would let a fat slut like that move. Just as she's about to get away, your buddy grabs her by the hair, sticks his dick in her ear, and says 'Dodge this!' as he blows out her eardrum.
My Little Pony: Having her doggie-styled while harnessed around the mouth with her dirty underwear.
**** Trumpet: Fill a woman's **** with air by placing your lips on her vertical smile and blowing into it. Then, punch her lower abdominal area without warning and release the trapped air. The harmonious queef produced should be the sound of a poorly played trumpet. Great instrument to pick up at band camp.
Affrin: When you and some random ho are 69ing, you pull out of her mouth and shoot a load in her nostril up to her brain, then smurf her on the nose. (A.K.A. Growth Spurt)
One Armed Bandit: Make your lady all happy by telling her that you would love to give her a massage. When she rolls over, start to massage her with one hand while you furiously jerk off with the other. When she starts to enjoy it, blow a nice load of spunk all over her back and run out the room before she can turn around. You are the one armed bandit
Tony Danza: When you are about to cum while doing a girl from behind, you say 'Who's the boss?' and stick it in her ass. Before she has a chance to complain you shout 'TONY DANZA!' and punch her in the head.
Toboggan Ride: Get yourself a fat girl and lay the bone doggy style on the top of a set of stairs. Before you blow your nut, give her one last punishing thrust, pull her elbows back and tip her down the stairs. Using her elbows as handlebars attempt to steer in case of change of direction down stairs. You have to use fat bitches because skinny ones can inflict injury on you as well.
Turkey Stuffer: It's Thanksgiving time, and you want to get more into the spirits of the white man raping the Indians of their land, so what do you do? Yes, that's right; you bang your girl doggy style, and right before you are about to nut, pull out and blow all over your hand. Make that bitch scream "Gobble Gobble" as you jam your jizz hand straight up her ass.
Rose Red: Seductively brush a beautiful long stem red rose against your sweethearts neck, breasts, and inner thigh. Slowly rub the rose along her smooth skin as you tenderly kiss her entire body. After working her into the mood for some deep love making, unzip your fly and pull out your raging boner. Begin to punish-**** her pooper while whipping her with the rose and screaming nasty obscenities at her. I bet she never saw that coming.
Mushroom Stamp: You and some ho are going at it, and you find out she is on the rag when you go down to try and please her with your mouth. That nasty bitch has got to pay, so what do you do? Start ramming that bitch hard and fast so your dick gets all sorts of blood on it, then give her a mushroom stamp by smurfing her right on her forehead.
Shinter: The inverted shocker, just 1 in the pink, 2 in the stink.
Comet Trail: After shooting your wad in some ho's mouth, slap her briskly across the cheek. If it's a clear, starry night, and the crack is brisk enough, a long strand of man sherbet should streak up her cheek and into her hair, resembling a tail of a comet. Making her sit on a telescope during the deed is only intended for the most wily astronomer.
Jackhammer: You start doing a girl from behind, and you quickly pull out and put it in her ass, then pull out and put in back into her pussy. Repeat that until she looses all control over her body and her arms collapse, then pull out and spunk in her hair.
Paul Bunyan Log Slam: Get a girl to shit for you, and when the turtle head starts to show, slam your dick right in to the log. Make sure you call her "Babe" sometime during the lumberjack session to complete the Paul Bunyan effect.
Double Fishhook: Do the girl doggy style, and reach around with your index fingers slightly bent in the shape of a fishhook and stick the both in her mouth and grab her cheeks and pull back as hard as you can.
Northwave Sanchez: *Thanks to Gary for this one* Some of you might know this as "Indian War paint", but I assure you it is the Northwave Sanchez. You start ramming the bitch from behind, and you jackhammer her once, then turn her around, and give her some nice skid marks right under her eyes. That's the Sanchez the Northwave way.
Lochness Monster: You take home the bar star you've been buying drinks for all night. You get in the car for the drive home and the wench starts to give you road head. When she comes up for air, you realize she's an ugly monster with three humps and a ****ed-up, long neck. You bust in its face, step on the gas, and push it out of the car. Now it's time to call the Enquirer and report your sighting.
TKO: It's round three of you and your girl having sex, and you want to finish it off to watch some football, so you have to get her down for the count. You sit up in a chair, and she sits facing you and straddling you, and you put your hands above your head, like you are blocking a potential punch from her. When she asks what you are doing, throw a nice uppercut into her tittie so it flies up, hits her face, and knocks her clean off your nuts. Now, go down and count her out. Congratulations, you just won by: Titty Knockout.
Pig Pull Slam: Start ramming the dirty old whore from behind, and grab her pigtails, if she doesn't have any, just grab her hair like she did, and pull her up and head butt her down to the bed where she remains unconscious. Now, Stick a piece of bacon in her ass and take a picture. Why, I don't know, but mostly for shits and giggles.
Ahab: While ****ing your girl doggie style, you suddenly pull out for no apparent reason. When she turns around for an explanation, she notices you've jumped off the bed onto a skateboard, holding the mighty dildo-harpoon in hand, cocked and ready to spear her in the ass. You pursue her as she runs out of the house and down the street, you yell, "You're not getting away from me this time, White Whale!"
The Fonz: You are fingering a girl, and you stick one thumb in her ****, and the other thumb in her turd cutter, and give her two thumbs up followed by a nice "Ehhhhhhhh."
Carpet Cleaner: While banging a girl doggy style, tie her arms behind her back, lift up her hips, and run around the room pushing her face first across the carpet. Not recommended with large women.
Inverted Cannonball: You pick the bitch up into a cannonball and just start ramming the hell out of her. Quick, easy, and very degrading.
Dirty Bull-Ring: You bend her over and **** her from behind. You then pull out, stick two fingers in her ass and scrape out shit, then stick the fingers in her nose and pull back as you yell "Toro, bitch, Toro."
High Dive: The skill of pulling your Johnson all the way out of your partner's hole, and in one motion jamming it home again. Best suited for use in the corn hole, but can be very dangerous.
Firefighter: This one's for all you pyromaniacs out there. When your screwing some chick, right when your about to cum, you pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then extinguish the flames with your goo. Wear a Christmas hat too, just to get into the spirit. Merry Christmas you ****ers.
Mexican Oven: When lying in bed with your bitch and you feel like you got the runs, calmly get up and tuck in the sheets nice and neat then quickly jump into bed throwing the blankets up over both of your heads and let the shit run rabid all over the sheets. When she's realizes what's happening she'll go nuts trying to get out while getting the watery wet stinky shit all over her. Now don't worry about getting it all over you, cause for those five minutes... you're Mexican.