Kelly_Rene
01-17-2006, 05:56 PM
Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?
They had gone to see "Closed for the Winter."
*********************
Why did the blonde resolve to have only 3 children? She heard that 1 out of
every 4 children born in the world is Chinese.
*************************
A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her
index finger shot off.
"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her. "Well, I was
trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied. "What?" sputtered the doctor.
"You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?"
"No, Silly" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and then I
thought, "I just paid $6,000.00 for these implants. I'm not shooting myself
in the chest."
"So then?" asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, "I just paid $3,000.00 to
get my teeth straightened. I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."
"So then?"
"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: "This is going to make a loud
noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger."
*****************
Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall? There was a power outage,
and twelve blondes were stuck on the escalators for over four hours.
*****************
A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad
hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a
repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have
some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard,
and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened.
So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, "What are you doing?" The first
blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail
pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes
and said, "Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first."
***************
A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver thermos. She
was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk to
ask what it was. The clerk said, "Why, that's a thermos.....it keeps hot
things hot, and cold things cold."
"Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!" So she
bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her
desk. "What's that," he asked?
"Why, that's a thermos.....it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,"
she replied.
Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?" The blond replied........"Two
popsicles, and some coffee."
************
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST.....
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss asked
sympathetically, "What's the matter?"
The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my
mother had passed away."
The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, "Why don't you go home for the day?
Take the day off to relax and rest."
"Thanks, but I"d be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I
have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of hours
pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his
office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. "What's so bad now? Are you
gonna be okay?" he asks. "No!" exclaims the blonde. "I just received a
horrible call from my sister. Her mother died too!"
They had gone to see "Closed for the Winter."
*********************
Why did the blonde resolve to have only 3 children? She heard that 1 out of
every 4 children born in the world is Chinese.
*************************
A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her
index finger shot off.
"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her. "Well, I was
trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied. "What?" sputtered the doctor.
"You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?"
"No, Silly" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and then I
thought, "I just paid $6,000.00 for these implants. I'm not shooting myself
in the chest."
"So then?" asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, "I just paid $3,000.00 to
get my teeth straightened. I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."
"So then?"
"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: "This is going to make a loud
noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger."
*****************
Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall? There was a power outage,
and twelve blondes were stuck on the escalators for over four hours.
*****************
A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad
hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a
repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have
some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard,
and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened.
So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, "What are you doing?" The first
blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail
pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes
and said, "Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first."
***************
A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver thermos. She
was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk to
ask what it was. The clerk said, "Why, that's a thermos.....it keeps hot
things hot, and cold things cold."
"Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!" So she
bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her
desk. "What's that," he asked?
"Why, that's a thermos.....it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,"
she replied.
Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?" The blond replied........"Two
popsicles, and some coffee."
************
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST.....
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss asked
sympathetically, "What's the matter?"
The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my
mother had passed away."
The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, "Why don't you go home for the day?
Take the day off to relax and rest."
"Thanks, but I"d be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I
have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of hours
pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his
office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. "What's so bad now? Are you
gonna be okay?" he asks. "No!" exclaims the blonde. "I just received a
horrible call from my sister. Her mother died too!"