I need some advice from car people

[Kallide]

Hey there,

Im fairly new to this forum and this is about the only place my boyfriend doesn’t post, so I thought id give it a shot to try and get some different perspective on things. I don’t really have a car I can modify but I do attend some car shows occasionaly and just recently Nopi Nationals. Im just curious as to if im really overreacting to things or if I do have a valid argument. A good bit of his money goes into car things and what not, but not a lot of it goes to other things. I just don’t quite understand it, its almost like he lives and breaths this stuff. Do you other girls have experience with this? I really love him, but sometimes its just really unerving.

[dereksi]

Theres one true love in my life, and my girlfreind has accepted it. my car

[Tiff-O-Bitties]

Ummm... girls and guys are both in "the car scene." It can become a lifestyle..

[Scrappy]

i experience it, but yet i spend my money on my car so i am with him on that. its something he enjoys and loves to do.

[Nemesis]

Yeah, I guess I kinda agree, the one thing is that if you dont really take interest in his things you wont really understand why he likes it so much. Is he strictly a show person or does he like doing various things?

[Brett]

You need to just accept it. Plain and simple. You arent married to him so you cant try and control what he spends his money on and the hobbies he chooses. Most of us on here are "INTO" this hardcore, and we spend plenty on our cars and that will never change. You cant ask him to change either because if you did and he left behind what he loves to do, he will hate you in the end for it.

My suggestion, and trust me, Im 33, Im old compared to most on here is this..... If you love him, you love ALL of him and that includes his hobby. Its just that simple.

This is more then a hobby to us, its a lifestyle and dropping money into our cars will never stop once its a part of you. But like Derek said, My wife knows there will always be that "Other girl in my life" and thats my car.

[The Ren]

You need to just accept it. Plain and simple. You arent married to him so you cant try and control what he spends his money on and the hobbies he chooses. Most of us on here are "INTO" this hardcore, and we spend plenty on our cars and that will never change. You cant ask him to change either because if you did and he left behind what he loves to do, he will hate you in the end for it.

My suggestion, and trust me, Im 33, Im old compared to most on here is this..... If you love him, you love ALL of him and that includes his hobby. Its just that simple.

This is more then a hobby to us, its a lifestyle and dropping money into our cars will never stop once its a part of you. But like Derek said, My wife knows there will always be that "Other girl in my life" and thats my car.

You couldnt say it any better than that.. my boyfriend has accepted it.. you need to as well..

[Brett]

Also maybe anal sex will distract him from the cars and focus more on you :D j/p

[mocha latte cupcake]

umm, i'm just posting b/c i want the +1 on my post count, but yeah accept it, My gf does, but then again my girl friend is also a better driver than me and has a faster car than me, well i've gone and depressed myself, i'm going to look @ my intake...

[dereksi]

LOL ^^^

[B16a2 Civic]

i dont see the problem.

[Kallide]

First off I would like to express the fact, that I am not asking him to give up his love for cars. I totally repect the love he has for it. I guess what im also asking is don't you think there should be a balance? Is it ever too much, when the other person feels like their less important than the car?

[SquishyC]

Hey Trista,

Best advice I can give you ..... find some further interest in it yourself and learn to enjoy..its such a big scene you could probably find something that really grabs you (took me a little while before I found something that interested me, I just didnt know it existed till a little bit ago). I'm hooked and now he tries to change the subject on me sometimes :goodjob:

OR....

Just accept it and deal, you cant change them and you'll wind up hurting the realtionship if you try to. Love him, all of him...and that includes the car in these types of guys, lol. Mine mentioned to me about a month ago that he was thinking of getting rid of his current car....I didnt even know it but I pouted ....hell no way..I love that car now and I would be pissed if he did.

He just laughed, he knows the monster he's creating. Good luck to you :)

[speedminded]

Where's Tracy when you need her?

[Scrappy]

First off I would like to express the fact, that I am not asking him to give up his love for cars. I totally repect the love he has for it. I guess what im also asking is don't you think there should be a balance? Is it ever too much, when the other person feels like their less important than the car?

like brett has said, you are not married yet and you are talking about balancing? i am sure if you think about it there are things you spend alot more money on than you spend on him nor time with him. if you cant accept what he loves and enjoys, might as well end it or accept it, cause if not you will only end up hurting yourself.

[4dmin]

Well i would say don't come between a man and his hobbies... b/c in the end you are going to loose... what are finding to be the problem the amount of time or money he is spending???

i probably have the time question w/ my wife atleast once every few months during the show season, but she has come to learn that basically this is a lifestyle that isn't going anywhere any time soon. ;)

[99SI]

If it becomes a problem ie: he neglects to pay bills, buy groceries shit like that then you need to step away from the man. My gf bitches about me spending so much money on my car and us not having "extra money" but I pay all of the bills ontime every month, buy groceries, have A1 credit, and still find time for her. I can see where some people could have a serious problem w/ their life if they are spending money on the car and neglecting other responsibilities that should be taken care of. I plan for my mods, save the money, and sometimes have to put shit on hold when things come up that I have to take care of. My car is my obsession and my gf has said plenty of times that she thinks I love my car more than her, but the bottom line is I don't let it interfere w/ my life and my responsibilities. My .02

[mocha latte cupcake]

what you should do is not sit there and feel like you're left out...actually pick up a magazine and learn (not super street unless your a ricer) learn and read, you'll never understand unless you can look @ it and see at least a little of what he see's

[speedminded]

We're a strange breed of people...a love for something that some will never understand. It's up to him to teach you and you willing to learn if you want to be together. The very worst thing is try to take it away. I've been with girls that i didn't particularlly like or enjoy their hobbies but still worked with them enough to tolerate it and then sometimes even get into it. Then I have lots of family and friends that met through racing...where both people equally enjoy it.

Until the sound of a ferrari upshifting on the backstretch of road atlanta makes the hairs on the back of your neck and arms stand up with bumps on your arms and chills down your spine you won't fully understand the views of some of us. It's nearly impossible to explain.

If you haven't already, try to get into it, just to try it...ask questions, stop speeding by the speed channel each time, (unless its nascar :tongue: ) etc. There is so much out there involving the automotive industry that I'm sure there's something that would interest you...and that will bring you two closer.

[Princess12]

Trista,

My problem was I couldn't keep my boyfriend off here, so what did I do? I joined and now am addicted myself, so now I have no valid argument against him lol. Try and join in, and maybe you can pick up the interest in cars yourself.

[Scrappy]

^haha you are addicted, and the boys love you ;) lol jk

[Princess12]

For real Scrappy, I can' keep them off me....lol or my friends with herpes for that matter

[SquishyC]

Also maybe anal sex will distract him from the cars and focus more on you :D j/p

^^ What he said!! :D

[Scrappy]

ewww gross ;) thanks for the reminder!

[Princess12]

Lol...maybe it made you smile

[SquishyC]

LOL sorry Scrappy!

Brett makes me laugh so it wasnt just an ewwww really :)

[thinkfast®]

if you think its all about pimpin ho's and slammin cadillac doors, you got it twisted homegirl. Get use to it, its not going away anytime soon. My girl use to tell me, "ricky, why you buy that impala?" "what you need a '64 for, you need to get a house"

Last I checked, the '64 wasn't keepin me from gettin my bills paid, and I also don't get bitched out by the '64 either. I treat the '64 with respect and the '64 loves me back. If I don't take the '64 out on a Saturday night and stay at home, the '64 doesn't call me a "loser" or get upset. If I choose to go out with the fellas on the weekend, the '64 doesn't call me every 20 minutes to "see what I was doing" The '64 is never cranky and I do other things with the '64 besides eating and going out shopping. I love that car and it loves me back. I can feel it in the air.

[Scrappy]

awww pretty ricky makes love to the '64!

[Brett]

For real Scrappy, I can' keep them off me....lol or my friends with herpes for that matter

:lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: Insert Shi-Ping Here

[Princess12]

lol....for real Brett

[Scrappy]

no keep singing babe, kinda makes me... yeah ;)

[Kallide]

The thing is, Im not a Bitchy girlfriend, that doesn't let him do anything. We have been together for a year now and I've been to every car show and event with him this year. I look through his car magazines and I have tryed to see what all this car stuff is about. I respect his car and I think that it is a beautiful work of art and I too would be mad at him if he sold it. It just seems that cars are the only thing on his mind. As soon as he gets home, the first thing he does is jump on the car forums, I mean WTF, can't you just give it a rest. And the thing is it's not like he's not on the forums at work and at college all day. And lets not forget the car meets and shows that are planed one the weekends. Maybe I'm being harsh, but I just feel like it becomes to much sometimes. I support him having a love for his hobbie, but I just don't understand why it seems to consume his whole life. Im not by no means asking him to give up cars. Is having something different to do one the weekends other than car stuff to much to ask? Balance, thats all Im saying, balance.

[civic95]

Just something to think about.

He could be going out drinking with his buddies every weekend instead. Spend his money on alcohol, or drugs. Atleast he has something still to show for the money he's spent instead of pissing it all out.

Most men are into something (cars, fishing, football, w/e). If it wasn't cars it would be something else.

One more thing, would you rather have someone thats passionate about the few things he likes and works constantly towards that? Or someone that gets intrested in something then after a while loses intrest, picks something else, loses intrest, pics something else (never has the will power or attention span to complete something)?

The most important thing in a relationship is to be supportive (that doesn't mean you'll always like what your supporting).

[speedminded]

The thing is, Im not a Bitchy girlfriend, that doesn't let him do anything. We have been together for a year now and I've been to every car show and event with him this year. I look through his car magazines and I have tryed to see what all this car stuff is about. I respect his car and I think that it is a beautiful work of art and I too would be mad at him if he sold it. It just seems that cars are the only thing on his mind. As soon as he gets home, the first thing he does is jump on the car forums, I mean WTF, can't you just give it a rest. And the thing is it's not like he's not on the forums at work and at college all day. And lets not forget the car meets and shows that are planed one the weekends. Maybe I'm being harsh, but I just feel like it becomes to much sometimes. I support him having a love for his hobbie, but I just don't understand why it seems to consume his whole life. Im not by no means asking him to give up cars. Is having something different to do one the weekends other than car stuff to much to ask? Balance, thats all Im saying, balance.What would you like to do, plan an evening or weekend with yourself in mind...then discuss it with him. If he's not willing to work with you, do something that you enjoy sometimes then its not going to workout in the long run.

[Scrappy]

what you are complaining about is not balancing. its looking and theres no nice way to put it but that you want the attention of the relationship and he gives it elsewhere, the forums are not just "car forums" people have friends and things involved in it. Like I said, either accept it or end it because you will only drag yourself down hard, considering he has his hobbie, car, and friends that appreciate what he does.

[Princess12]

Also maybe anal sex will distract him from the cars and focus more on you :D j/p
Ha ha ha Brett....just to let ya know it doesn't work. Look....we're both on here now lol.

[civic95]

I would suggest sitting him down, and let him know that you want to support his hobby. BUT, that you would also like to do some things you like on occasion. Just let him know you don't want him to give it up completely. Nothing wrong with that. Besides, most likely he will slowly grow out of it as he gets older.

[civic95]

Also maybe anal sex will distract him from the cars and focus more on you :D j/p

or you could invite one of your gfs in.

[dazn]

i agree about the balance, but its hard for some people who actually work with cars, then also have it as a hobby, and not just cars but motorcycles, go karts too.
my girlfriend has learned to put up with it i guess, cuz she doesnt bitch anymore and she even came to petit le mans with me this year. ok so I gave her a free media pass and she took pictures for school, but hey, she was there and kinda enjoyed it even though i was in the paddock all day.
the only things that she hates now is watching racing on TV or me going outta town.

[speedminded]

i agree about the balance, but its hard for some people who actually work with cars, then also have it as a hobby, and not just cars but motorcycles, go karts too.
my girlfriend has learned to put up with it i guess, cuz she doesnt bitch anymore and she even came to petit le mans with me this year. ok so I gave her a free media pass and she took pictures for school, but hey, she was there and kinda enjoyed it even though i was in the paddock all day.
the only things that she hates now is watching racing on TV or me going outta town.What raceteam(s) are you with?

We had a killer party at the ARRC last weekend at RA...those weekend campouts with a bunch of crazy ass drunk people telling race stories around the fire will get just anyone into the spirit of loving the smell of 100+ octane. :)

[B16a2 Civic]

naw thats it.. ok wait

This is for B16a2:
So I get to the ma-aall
I'm bout to hella ball
I'm buyin a dress just for my lady
Its gonna get me laid tonight.. maybe

I spend some cash and we eat at Denny's
Spend 4 hours in JC Penneys
I got me another gay sweater
Scrappy's gonna think I look even better

Now Ricky's makin me laugh
He kicks me right in my calf
He can't believe I took the boys out shoppin
But Scrappys gonna be so happy she'll be hoppin

Cuz I got an outfit for herrrrrrrrrr-er-er

I'm spruuuuuuuuuuuuung :lmfao:

i rebuke you!!

[Brett]

Ha ha ha Brett....just to let ya know it doesn't work. Look....we're both on here now lol.


:idb:

[RandomGuy]

...shoulda never gave you niggaz money, dont know how to appreciate shit

[BlueHatch]

if it is his money what does it matter? unless he spends it on his car and then borrows it from you. that sucks. i dont have a lot of money therefore i dont have alot done to my car. ill attest that it is hard seeing all these tight ass cars with all this cool ish on them. you just gotta realize you cant buy champange with beer money.

p.s. my girl gives me shit every time i buy something. every single time

[Julio]

So what would you rather see him doing ?

Spending time with other chicks or his car?

Seriously dont fuck with a mens hobby.

[Hulud]

Right now to me my first love is Music, my second is cars
if i find a girl she will have to come to accept that i will spend my money to see my fav bands and mods on my car whether she likes it or not

she will love me for me not what i spend my money on

which from what ive seen most (not all) girls want all your money spent on them

[Hulud]

Seriously dont fuck with a mans hobby.
:werd:

[hitomi]

i think that if you understand why he likes it so much, then you can appreciate his hobby more. i'm sure you have one or have had one that really accentuates your life. that's what cars are for him.

i didnt know a damn thing about cars until about a year and a half ago. i started because i was dating a car fanatic. he wouldnt let anyone else drive it, touch it... he modded it pretty much weekly because he had the money to, he washed it ALL the time... i thought he was obsessed. and he was. i took it in stride that it was his love, and i even joked about it. then i got to the place you are, i thought that he loved his car more than me. its a really hard place to be in. but then you have to try to put yourself in his shoes, and also into perspective. at that point, i started taking interest in it. because quite honestly he was an awesome guy with a lot to give, and that was proven to me by the fact that he had a hobby that he was so dedicated to. plus the longer we were together, the more he gave me, sort of like his relationship with his car. it sounds strange, but i wasnt jealous of ANY girl in his life... i was jealous of his car. down the road, i learned more and more, asked him questions, and helped him understand the reasons i didnt think a car was so special... and all of a sudden, that same car i was jealous with became my baby as well. i knew about every mod that was already on her, knew what it did, knew why it was on there. and now, i've helped mod my new baby as well as many other people's cars and have even tried teaching girls in my car club about what their boyfriends are doing so that they can feel more a part of it. i think that when i got more into cars, he and i grew closer together. (we're not together now, but we're still great friends and we still work on cars and go to shows together).

i think the main reason you question it is because you dont feel much a part of it. you might not understnad what he's doing, or why its so important to him. but if you get involved you might understand. maybe hanging out with some car girls would be benefical to you. otherwise, i dont think we can explain it to you. i think explaining why you're passionate is extremely hard... especially to someone who knows nothing or very little about it.

but let me tell you.... the first time i went to atlanta dragway and did the quarter, i was ADDICTED from then on out. and all i wanted to do was be faster...and faster.

i just know that a year and a half ago i was wondering why a car with a new "muffler" was so buzzy and loud, and now i argue with people about which compression ratios work best....

i hope things work out for you. its hard to understand, and its hard to hear it from guys, but hopefully you'll figure it all out. :)