got a text message this morning

[EJdm]

funny joke....

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office (http://www1.onemillionsearch.com/find.php?query=IRS+office&cc=US).
The IRS auditor (http://www1.onemillionsearch.com/find.php?query=IRS+auditor&cc=US) was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor (http://www1.onemillionsearch.com/find.php?query=auditor&cc=US) said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'
I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'
Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'
The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it.
The auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a break even.
But Grandpa's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it.'
_________________

[.blank cd]

LOL. Thats awesome. Reps

[Jblizzard]

hah, thats pretty good.

[JdM_EJ2]

lmao

[xxbckiexx]

LOL that's fucking awesome.+

[Nerdsrock22]

I smiled. Reps to you.

[amandDA]

haha! thats great!

[AirMax95]

Nice, lol!

[EJdm]

thanks guys reps return...

[.blank cd]

Its hard these days to pass a joke through the whoreslounge without it being already whore

[Captain-Obvious™]

It is old... It's a spin off of Quentin Tarantino's joke in Desperado.

[Princess12]

Funny, but that was one hell of a long text message!

[LokiSays]

hahah i Loled

[EG_Ryder]

hahahaha wow


Funny, but that was one hell of a long text message!
lol thats what i was thinking, i wonder how many texts he got for just this one joke

[AdriSciontC]

lol

[JDMbabe]

hahah that was a gooood one! reps

[Captain-Obvious™]

Here is the quote from Desperado:

This reminds me of a joke. This guy comes into a bar, walks up to the bartender. Says, "Bartender, I got me a bet for you. I'm gonna bet you $300 that I can piss into that glass over there and not spill a single, solitary drop." The bartender looks. I mean, we're talking, like, this glass is like a good ten feet away. He says, "Now wait, let me get this strait. You're tryin' to tell me you'll bet me $300 that you can piss, standing over here, way over there into that glass, and not spill a single drop?" Customer looks up and says, "That's right." Bartender says, "Young man, you got a bet." The guy goes, "Okay, here we go. Here we go." Pulls out his thing. He's lookin' at the glass, man. He's thinkin' about the glass. He's thinkin' about the glass. Glass. He's thinkin' about the glass, glass. Thinkin' about his dick. Dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass. And then, *foosh*, he lets it rip. And he-he's pisses all over the place, man. He's pissin' on the bar. He pissin' on the stools, on the floor, on the phone, on the bartender! He's pissing everywhere *except* the fucking glass! Right? Okay. So, bartender, he's laughing his fuckin' ass off. He's $300 richer. He's like, "Ha, ha, ha, ha!" Piss dripping off his face. "Ha, ha, ha, ha!" He says, "You fucking idiot, man! You got it in everything except the glass! You owe me $300 punta." Guy goes, "Excuse me just one-one little second." Goes in the back of the bar. In back, there's a couple of guys playing pool. He walks over to them. Comes back to the bar. Goes, "Here you go, Mr. Bartender, 300." And the bartender's like, "What the fuck are you so happy about? You just lost $300, idiot!" The guy says, "Well, see those guys over there? I just bet them $500 a piece that I could piss on your bar, piss on your floor, piss on your phone, and piss on you, and not only would you not be mad about it, you'd be happy."

[SloWRX]

lmfao! all that was in a text message? goddamn!

[Mr Egg Rollllll]

Lol, you sir, have made my day :)

[T.S.]

that's pretty funny.. =) reps for you.

[MachNU]

:lmao:

[AnthonyF]

HAHAHA NICE!!!

-Ant.

[aaronfelipe]

muahahahaha!

[Turbodude06]

That was awsome, I almost fell of my chair.....