the failed sexcapades thread

[pimpdaddy]

Thread for funny sexcapade failures. I'll start...



So a few years back my at the time girlfriend was staying with me and when we woke we had the idea to fuck in the shower. Well before that happened, I took a shit (shoulda used another toilet) and it was a winner! :lmfao: so a little time passed and we go in the shower and things start steamin up (pardon the pun) including my stinky shit lol and we start the fore play and then get to the business. I feel a fart come on but it felt like it was gunna be a little wet but I figured since I shat not too long before that I was in the clear. WRONG!!! mid poundage I release and shit myself in my shower. My gf gets completely grossed out walks out of the shower gets dressed and leaves, the next day she calls me and dumps me hahaha



anyway, embarassing I know but it happens to the best of us, lets hear it!

[Elbow]

My ex and I were fucking and I had to take a shit as well. Well I had this issue a while back where I couldn't hold it in for long if I had to shit. Well we were close to being done and ending it now would be dumb as fuck to just get up to take a shit. Well it was right before I came, she went down on me for some reason not knowing and had m balls in her mouth (she was a slut) well when she stroked it and ball sucked I came and the pressure made me release my shit all over her lower chin, bad part is she didn't even realize it until after she kind of sat up. She didn't dump me and told me it was something we would work on..she was a SLUT...

[EL42]

Thread for funny sexcapade failures. I'll start...
So a few years back my at the time girlfriend was staying with me and when we woke we had the idea to fuck in the shower. Well before that happened, I took a shit (shoulda used another toilet) and it was a winner! :lmfao: so a little time passed and we go in the shower and things start steamin up (pardon the pun) including my stinky shit lol and we start the fore play and then get to the business. I feel a fart come on but it felt like it was gunna be a little wet but I figured since I shat not too long before that I was in the clear. WRONG!!! mid poundage I release and shit myself in my shower. My gf gets completely grossed out walks out of the shower gets dressed and leaves, the next day she calls me and dumps me hahaha
anyway, embarassing I know but it happens to the best of us, lets hear it!

if this was a competition you won.

[pimpdaddy]

My ex and I were fucking and I had to take a shit as well. Well I had this issue a while back where I couldn't hold it in for long if I had to shit. Well we were close to being done and ending it now would be dumb as fuck to just get up to take a shit. Well it was right before I came, she went down on me for some reason not knowing and had m balls in her mouth (she was a slut) well when she stroked it and ball sucked I came and the pressure made me release my shit all over her lower chin, bad part is she didn't even realize it until after she kind of sat up. She didn't dump me and told me it was something we would work on..she was a SLUT...



lol gotta mark that territory. I'm gunna start shitting on all my girlfriends for said reason.

[slostang]

i was pounding my ex one day and stopped mid hump balls deep and blew out the biggest fart of my life and continued to pound. it was epic.

[browningboy7]

Me and my gf at the time had one of those like "heat of the moment" half clothed sex moments so I still had my pants around my ankles, After we were done I had to piss like no other I jumped to the end of my bed and tripped over my pants...My door was like half open and I nailed my forehead right into the door and was knocked out cold for a good 60 seconds.

[pimpdaddy]

i was pounding my ex one day and stopped mid hump balls deep and blew out the biggest fart of my life and continued to pound. it was epic.

Your not a real man unless you do that with every girl at some point lol


Me and my gf at the time had one of those like "heat of the moment" half clothed sex moments so I still had my pants around my ankles, After we were done I had to piss like no other I jumped to the end of my bed and tripped over my pants...My door was like half open and I nailed my forehead right into the door and was knocked out cold for a good 60 seconds.


pretty epic, did you piss on the floor in your knocked outness?

[browningboy7]

Your not a real man unless you do that with every girl at some point lol




pretty epic, did you piss on the floor in your knocked outness?

Slightly.....:lmfao::lmfao:

[Mr Egg Rollllll]

A few years ago I was drunk at a party and had taken this girl back to my apt...we were going at it, and I had to cum, but didn't want to stop fucking.

I pulled out, came beside the bed, then tried to stick it back in....

Softness ftl...



Wtf was I thinking?

[00GTisME]

on some virgin shit, coudnt get it in for like 3 months. Surprised she didnt leave me but I really thought something was wrong with me lol

[SLo_MKIII]

wow i didnt know this was such a popular topic. yall are fucking disgusting lmao

[5speed]

:lmfao::lmfao::lmfao::lmfao::lmfao::lmfao::lmfao:
This is some funny shit!...no pun intended. i am so glad I have never had a problem. Now that I say that something will happen...shit lol

[Elbow]

Real shit once we were going at it for a while and I didn't want to cum so I was like "Ok I'm going to cum twice".......I finished her and went to bed.

[pimpdaddy]

A few years ago I was drunk at a party and had taken this girl back to my apt...we were going at it, and I had to cum, but didn't want to stop fucking.

I pulled out, came beside the bed, then tried to stick it back in....

Softness ftl...



Wtf was I thinking?

You really gotta like a girl to go two times back to back. sotfness ftl fo sho.

[Mr Egg Rollllll]

You really gotta like a girl to go two times back to back. sotfness ftl fo sho.

I didn't know her name...

[pimpdaddy]

hahaha repped fo sho

[JJSPEC Racing]

I was into it pretty heavy a long time ago in a hotel bed with my feet at the head of the bed and knocked the headboard off the wall. We threw it out the way and kept on trucking. Thankfully it didnt fall on one of us, lol.

[EL42]

like ten years ago,i had my first threesome. i was the last one to cum and both girls were trying rush me. they were takin turns giving head,russian rolette with a full clip. one got a load in the eye and the other girl gets it up her nose. the one who got it in the nose gags and throws up on the half blind one. to this day not a fan of threesomes.lol

[slostang]

like ten years ago,i had my first threesome. i was the last one to cum and both girls were trying rush me. they were takin turns giving head,russian rolette with a full clip. one got a load in the eye and the other girl gets it up her nose. the one who got it in the nose gags and throws up on the half blind one. to this day not a fan of threesomes.lol


:lmfao::lmfao::lmfao:

[browningboy7]

Real shit once we were going at it for a while and I didn't want to cum so I was like "Ok I'm going to cum twice".......I finished her and went to bed.

Unfortunately that leads to no morning sex. :cry:

[Oz10]

I can't of any really good ones at the moment. But I've farted multiple times while a girl was giving me head. I've only farted once when a dude was giving me head. Dudes seem to care less. Maybe thats just me.

[murderrsiren]

i was fucking my ex from behind and she was screaming like fuck, like big time, so i was like fuuuck yeh, and about 2 minutes after that she made me stop and she roll over and her face was bloody as fuck. needless to say, we were too close to the headboard.

[browningboy7]

i was fucking my ex from behind and he was screaming like fuck, like big time, so i was like fuuuck yeh, and about 2 minutes after that she made me stop and she roll over and her face was bloody as fuck. needless to say, we were too close to the headboard.

lmfao...Oh really?! :lmfao::lmfao::lmfao:

[JJSPEC Racing]

i was fucking my ex from behind and she was screaming like fuck, like big time, so i was like fuuuck yeh, and about 2 minutes after that she made me stop and she roll over and her face was bloody as fuck. needless to say, we were too close to the headboard.

Fixed

[murderrsiren]

fucking fail. damn you. hahaha ^ thanks man.

[browningboy7]

fucking fail. damn you. hahaha ^ thanks man.

lol, Atleast you only fucked it up once.

[murderrsiren]

hahahah thats exactly what i just said.

[JJSPEC Racing]

fucking fail. damn you. hahaha ^ thanks man.

NP!

[Papa_Smurf]

Thread for funny sexcapade failures. I'll start...



So a few years back my at the time girlfriend was staying with me and when we woke we had the idea to fuck in the shower. Well before that happened, I took a shit (shoulda used another toilet) and it was a winner! :lmfao: so a little time passed and we go in the shower and things start steamin up (pardon the pun) including my stinky shit lol and we start the fore play and then get to the business. I feel a fart come on but it felt like it was gunna be a little wet but I figured since I shat not too long before that I was in the clear. WRONG!!! mid poundage I release and shit myself in my shower. My gf gets completely grossed out walks out of the shower gets dressed and leaves, the next day she calls me and dumps me hahaha



anyway, embarassing I know but it happens to the best of us, lets hear it!

wait... was her name Sarah? Sarah Denson....:thinking:

[SouthSide Tay]

I can't of any really good ones at the moment. But I've farted multiple times while a girl was giving me head. I've only farted once when a dude was giving me head:gay::gay::gay::gay::gay::gay::gay::gay::gay:: gay:. Dudes seem to care less. Maybe thats just me.

um was i the only one that read this:thinking:

[thecrazyone]

wait... was her name Sarah? Sarah Denson....:thinking:

You know Sarah Denson?!?!?!?!

[pimpdaddy]

like ten years ago,i had my first threesome. i was the last one to cum and both girls were trying rush me. they were takin turns giving head,russian rolette with a full clip. one got a load in the eye and the other girl gets it up her nose. the one who got it in the nose gags and throws up on the half blind one. to this day not a fan of threesomes.lol

If I ever cross paths with you, I will shake your hand for that :goodjob:


wait... was her name Sarah? Sarah Denson....:thinking:

no sarah lol

[pimpdaddy]

I can't of any really good ones at the moment. But I've farted multiple times while a girl was giving me head. I've only farted once when a dude was giving me head. Dudes seem to care less. Maybe thats just me.

Really man, you just made me wake my hole family up laughing at this shit :lmfao: this made the thread EPIC lol :idb:

[Mantooth]

I decide to get the variety pack of condoms and I had went through a few that night. My ex and I were wanting to go at it again. The only condom left was the extended pleasure condom. I put it on and immediately went limp. She was going to get me hard again so she started giving me head. Her mouth went numb and she started drooling.

[SouthSide Tay]

^^^repped

so i tmust have been some good head..

lol

[Double_0_Rusty]

el oh el at this thread

[ls-r teg]

are u a chick????

I can't of any really good ones at the moment. But I've farted multiple times while a girl was giving me head. I've only farted once when a dude was giving me head. Dudes seem to care less. Maybe thats just me.

[Slomaro Z28]

I decide to get the variety pack of condoms and I had went through a few that night. My ex and I were wanting to go at it again. The only condom left was the extended pleasure condom. I put it on and immediately went limp. She was going to get me hard again so she started giving me head. Her mouth went numb and she started drooling.

:lmfao:

This thread is funny as hell so far.

[murderrsiren]

I decide to get the variety pack of condoms and I had went through a few that night. My ex and I were wanting to go at it again. The only condom left was the extended pleasure condom. I put it on and immediately went limp. She was going to get me hard again so she started giving me head. Her mouth went numb and she started drooling.

LOLOLOLOL

++reps.

[Papa_Smurf]

You know Sarah Denson?!?!?!?!

ofcourse, thats my bottom bitch.

you must be a regular client of her's.

[JJSPEC Racing]

ofcourse, thats my bottom bitch.

you must be a regular client of her's.

With a name like Papa Smurf, you have to have some awesome stories to tell:D

[pimpdaddy]

With a name like Papa Smurf, you have to have some awesome stories to tell:D

^ this. lol



Remembered another.

Back when I had my Mustang me and my hook up girl were riding around, and bein the ho she was she starts rubbin on my dick and what, gets me hard. So I get my dick out and start getting road head, damn good btw, and get in the mood and was also struggling to drive my five speed while getting such satisfactory head. So we pull into the church parking lot by my house lol and i start undressing her AND SHE WHIPPED OUT A FUCKING DICK!! lol jp bout that part but for real we start fuckin and end up in the backseat so I get in a good spot and start some good fapfapfap. As the fapping continues I pause momentarily to change position bang me head hard as shit on the back little quater window get a knot on my head and crack the little fucking window :doh: but the show must go on, so we finished I took her trashy ass home, went back to my place and downed some advil :lmfao:

[Papa_Smurf]

With a name like Papa Smurf, you have to have some awesome stories to tell:D

nothing in particular, nah.

but being the head smurf, i've easily maneuvered my small blue cock into many tight, sticky situations in which many of you can't even imagine.

[stormcrow]

^ this. lol



Remembered another.

Back when I had my Mustang me and my hook up girl were riding around, and bein the ho she was she starts rubbin on my dick and what, gets me hard. So I get my dick out and start getting road head, damn good btw, and get in the mood and was also struggling to drive my five speed while getting such satisfactory head. So we pull into the church parking lot by my house lol and i start undressing her AND SHE WHIPPED OUT A FUCKING DICK!! lol jp bout that part but for real we start fuckin and end up in the backseat so I get in a good spot and start some good fapfapfap. As the fapping continues I pause momentarily to change position bang me head hard as shit on the back little quater window get a knot on my head and crack the little fucking window :doh: but the show must go on, so we finished I took her trashy ass home, went back to my place and downed some advil :lmfao:

wait, wut? you were banging a chick and then decided to whack it? that or you don't know the meaning of "fap"... to fap, my good sir, is to whack off.

[pimpdaddy]

i've easily maneuvered my small cock into many tight, sticky situations in which many of you can't even imagine.

I hate reading posts when I know all the details. Dog vaginas don't count. Stop whackin it to dog porn man. Even Michael (Jackson) wasn't that bad.




wait, wut? you were banging a chick and then decided to whack it? that or you don't know the meaning of "fap"... to fap, my good sir, is to whack off.

:doh: Actually I didn't know that, but when saying fap it seems to be an accurate onomatopoeia for the sound of fucking, but i guess it also pretty accurately describes the sound of chokin it :lmfao:

[Oz10]

^ this. lol



Remembered another.

Back when I had my Mustang me and my hook up girl were riding around, and bein the ho she was she starts rubbin on my dick and what, gets me hard. So I get my dick out and start getting road head, damn good btw, and get in the mood and was also struggling to drive my five speed while getting such satisfactory head. So we pull into the church parking lot by my house lol and i start undressing her AND SHE WHIPPED OUT A FUCKING DICK!! lol jp bout that part but for real we start fuckin and end up in the backseat so I get in a good spot and start some good fapfapfap. As the fapping continues I pause momentarily to change position bang me head hard as shit on the back little quater window get a knot on my head and crack the little fucking window :doh: but the show must go on, so we finished I took her trashy ass home, went back to my place and downed some advil :lmfao:

Wow that story is complete bullshit and you know it. I'll redeem this thread with a REAL sex story....

In my younger years I ended up in the male escort business for about six months. A friend of mine was doing it through cowboysforangels.com and he was really making a lot of cash, so I figured I'd give it a try. The clientèle was mostly female (35-65) and some of these ladies were crazy wealthy. As I worked my way up in the escort game I eventually got the opportunity to make A LOT more money, but I started getting a lot of male customers too. It kind of bugged me at first, but after a few weeks I decided I really couldn't complain when I thought about the money I was making (in the thousands every night). But one night sticks out BY FAR as one of the most traumatic and regrettable nights of my life...

It was a typical Thursday night, some fat old douche, took me out to dinner in his corvette. He wanted it to seem like a real date and it was my job to smile at all of his George Bush jokes. So anyways we end up back at his house, it was one of those huge places in that fancy neighborhood off Sugarloaf. So he tells me he wants me to suck him off. I'm a straight guy, but I know my way around a dick. So I'm doing my thing, whatever. He's doing his creepy old guy thing so I try to avoid eye contact, he kept calling me his son, which is completely fucked up, but it is actually pretty common with those types of clients. So after about 25-30 minutes he says he's about ready to finish and he tells me he wants to bust on my face. Not an uncommon request, so I tell him to let me know when he's ready. A couple minutes later he's ready to go so I pull his fat nasty dick out of my mouth and let him do his thing. He starts to blow his load on me and he starts pelvic thrusting in sheer homo-erotic bliss. His pelvic thrusts get increasing exaggerated and he starts getting really close to my face with his bits and pieces. he seems like he's about done and as the last little bit comes out he does one more HUGE pelvic thrust and actually STABS ME IN THE EYE WITH HIS DICK. I fell to my back, clutching my eye, covered in semen and screaming at the top of my lungs. I had had enough of his fucked up pseudo-incest/homo fantasy and my eye was seriously THROBBING with pain. So I wash myself off as best as I could grab my shit and storm out of his house. It was a long fucking walk to the entrance of the neighborhood (I couldn't cut through yard or anything to get out since its a gated community). I still hadn't been able to open my eye and I was started to get worried that I had undergone permanent damage. I called a taxi service that was in my phone (it wasn't the first time I had fucked up shit happen on the job and needed to dip out with the quickness). The trip home was rather uneventful. When I got home I took a shower and went to bed, hoping my still unopenable eye would be better in the morning...

I got up the next morning and I could barely see out of the eye in question. I looked in the mirror and my eye and the area surrounding it was all swollen, black and blue. I called the agency I was working for and told them that I had to quit, I didn't tell them what happened because I REALLY didn't want the story to get out or for ANYONE to know what happened. They must have sensed the seriousness in my voice, because they didn't ask any questions. Plus I'm pretty sure escort jobs are kind of like a revolving door, most people can't put up with all the shit for long. Anyways, after a few days my eye was still pretty fucked up, but my vision was getting better and I knew there wouldn't be any lasting physical damage. However, mentally the damage was deep, I was scarred for life and I knew it. After a few weeks my eye was close to normal and I ended up getting a job at the mall.

I have NEVER told ANYONE this story, but its finally time for me to come clean. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE learn from my mistakes.

[pimpdaddy]

Wow that story is complete bullshit and you know it. I'll redeem this thread with a REAL sex story....

In my younger years I ended up in the male escort business for about six months. A friend of mine was doing it through cowboysforangels.com and he was really making a lot of cash, so I figured I'd give it a try. The clientèle was mostly female (35-65) and some of these ladies were crazy wealthy. As I worked my way up in the escort game I eventually got the opportunity to make A LOT more money, but I started getting a lot of male customers too. It kind of bugged me at first, but after a few weeks I decided I really couldn't complain when I thought about the money I was making (in the thousands every night). But one night sticks out BY FAR as one of the most traumatic and regrettable nights of my life...

It was a typical Thursday night, some fat old douche, took me out to dinner in his corvette. He wanted it to seem like a real date and it was my job to smile at all of his George Bush jokes. So anyways we end up back at his house, it was one of those huge places in that fancy neighborhood off Sugarloaf. So he tells me he wants me to suck him off. I'm a straight guy, but I know my way around a dick. So I'm doing my thing, whatever. He's doing his creepy old guy thing so I try to avoid eye contact, he kept calling me his son, which is completely fucked up, but it is actually pretty common with those types of clients. So after about 25-30 minutes he says he's about ready to finish and he tells me he wants to bust on my face. Not an uncommon request, so I tell him to let me know when he's ready. A couple minutes later he's ready to go so I pull his fat nasty dick out of my mouth and let him do his thing. He starts to blow his load on me and he starts pelvic thrusting in sheer homo-erotic bliss. His pelvic thrusts get increasing exaggerated and he starts getting really close to my face with his bits and pieces. he seems like he's about done and as the last little bit comes out he does one more HUGE pelvic thrust and actually STABS ME IN THE EYE WITH HIS DICK. I fell to my back, clutching my eye, covered in semen and screaming at the top of my lungs. I had had enough of his fucked up pseudo-incest/homo fantasy and my eye was seriously THROBBING with pain. So I wash myself off as best as I could grab my shit and storm out of his house. It was a long fucking walk to the entrance of the neighborhood (I couldn't cut through yard or anything to get out since its a gated community). I still hadn't been able to open my eye and I was started to get worried that I had undergone permanent damage. I called a taxi service that was in my phone (it wasn't the first time I had fucked up shit happen on the job and needed to dip out with the quickness). The trip home was rather uneventful. When I got home I took a shower and went to bed, hoping my still unopenable eye would be better in the morning...

I got up the next morning and I could barely see out of the eye in question. I looked in the mirror and my eye and the area surrounding it was all swollen, black and blue. I called the agency I was working for and told them that I had to quit, I didn't tell them what happened because I REALLY didn't want the story to get out or for ANYONE to know what happened. They must have sensed the seriousness in my voice, because they didn't ask any questions. Plus I'm pretty sure escort jobs are kind of like a revolving door like my asshole, most people can't put up with all the shit for long. Anyways, after a few days my eye was still pretty fucked up, but my vision was getting better and I knew there wouldn't be any lasting physical damage. However, mentally the damage was deep, I was scarred for life and I knew it. After a few weeks my eye was close to normal and I ended up getting a job at the mall.

I have NEVER told ANYONE this story, but its finally time for me to come clean. I feel like a massive load has been lifted off my chest. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE learn from my mistakes.


LOL, dont think I can top that

[MistaCee]

Disturbing

[DustnU]

like ten years ago,i had my first threesome. i was the last one to cum and both girls were trying rush me. they were takin turns giving head,russian rolette with a full clip. one got a load in the eye and the other girl gets it up her nose. the one who got it in the nose gags and throws up on the half blind one. to this day not a fan of threesomes.lol

Thats GREAT!!!!:lmfao:


i was fucking my ex from behind and she was screaming like fuck, like big time, so i was like fuuuck yeh, and about 2 minutes after that she made me stop and she roll over and her face was bloody as fuck. needless to say, we were too close to the headboard.

Damn thats SUCKS!!!!


Really man, you just made me wake my hole family up laughing at this shit :lmfao: this made the thread EPIC lol :idb:

:lmfao::lmfao:I am really crying right now at work!!!! I hope no one see's me.


I decide to get the variety pack of condoms and I had went through a few that night. My ex and I were wanting to go at it again. The only condom left was the extended pleasure condom. I put it on and immediately went limp. She was going to get me hard again so she started giving me head. Her mouth went numb and she started drooling.

One of the best stories I've ever heard!!! OMG Bwaahahahahaha!!

And that last long, very very disturbing story made me......wait I just threw up in my mouth a lil bit!!!!!!:(

[DustnU]

About 7 years back me and my girl were in a dollar movie in Fayco and there was absolutely no one else in there, I forget what movie now but anyway we were messing around and she started to give me head. Back row in a dark theater who cares right. Well I'm about to finish some time later and I'm like SHIT she won't swallow so where to blow this load. I move her outta the way and BUST right on the floor in the isle next to my seat. We finish watching the movie and of course I forget that I blew it there and slip, BUSTING my ASS and tracking cum tracks out into the hall way.

[87 Turbo II]

Wow that story is complete bullshit and you know it. I'll redeem this thread with a REAL sex story....

In my younger years I ended up in the male escort business for about six months. A friend of mine was doing it through cowboysforangels.com and he was really making a lot of cash, so I figured I'd give it a try. The clientèle was mostly female (35-65) and some of these ladies were crazy wealthy. As I worked my way up in the escort game I eventually got the opportunity to make A LOT more money, but I started getting a lot of male customers too. It kind of bugged me at first, but after a few weeks I decided I really couldn't complain when I thought about the money I was making (in the thousands every night). But one night sticks out BY FAR as one of the most traumatic and regrettable nights of my life...

It was a typical Thursday night, some fat old douche, took me out to dinner in his corvette. He wanted it to seem like a real date and it was my job to smile at all of his George Bush jokes. So anyways we end up back at his house, it was one of those huge places in that fancy neighborhood off Sugarloaf. So he tells me he wants me to suck him off. I'm a straight guy, but I know my way around a dick. So I'm doing my thing, whatever. He's doing his creepy old guy thing so I try to avoid eye contact, he kept calling me his son, which is completely fucked up, but it is actually pretty common with those types of clients. So after about 25-30 minutes he says he's about ready to finish and he tells me he wants to bust on my face. Not an uncommon request, so I tell him to let me know when he's ready. A couple minutes later he's ready to go so I pull his fat nasty dick out of my mouth and let him do his thing. He starts to blow his load on me and he starts pelvic thrusting in sheer homo-erotic bliss. His pelvic thrusts get increasing exaggerated and he starts getting really close to my face with his bits and pieces. he seems like he's about done and as the last little bit comes out he does one more HUGE pelvic thrust and actually STABS ME IN THE EYE WITH HIS DICK. I fell to my back, clutching my eye, covered in semen and screaming at the top of my lungs. I had had enough of his fucked up pseudo-incest/homo fantasy and my eye was seriously THROBBING with pain. So I wash myself off as best as I could grab my shit and storm out of his house. It was a long fucking walk to the entrance of the neighborhood (I couldn't cut through yard or anything to get out since its a gated community). I still hadn't been able to open my eye and I was started to get worried that I had undergone permanent damage. I called a taxi service that was in my phone (it wasn't the first time I had fucked up shit happen on the job and needed to dip out with the quickness). The trip home was rather uneventful. When I got home I took a shower and went to bed, hoping my still unopenable eye would be better in the morning...

I got up the next morning and I could barely see out of the eye in question. I looked in the mirror and my eye and the area surrounding it was all swollen, black and blue. I called the agency I was working for and told them that I had to quit, I didn't tell them what happened because I REALLY didn't want the story to get out or for ANYONE to know what happened. They must have sensed the seriousness in my voice, because they didn't ask any questions. Plus I'm pretty sure escort jobs are kind of like a revolving door, most people can't put up with all the shit for long. Anyways, after a few days my eye was still pretty fucked up, but my vision was getting better and I knew there wouldn't be any lasting physical damage. However, mentally the damage was deep, I was scarred for life and I knew it. After a few weeks my eye was close to normal and I ended up getting a job at the mall.

I have NEVER told ANYONE this story, but its finally time for me to come clean. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE learn from my mistakes.

Sorry about your eye son, my pelvic thrusts have a mind of their own.

[DunDunSkeert]

hahahahahaha^

[Oz10]

Sorry about your eye son, my pelvic thrusts have a mind of their own.

If your age on here is right you were about 12 when this happened. Real cute junior.

[87 Turbo II]

If your age on here is right you were about 12 when this happened. Real cute junior.

if this actually happened that is haha

[Papa_Smurf]

I'm a straight guy, but I know my way around a dick.

:thinking:

[Slomaro Z28]

I'm a straight guy, but I know my way around a dick.

Wonder how many people will quote that in their sigs..........:lmfao:

[Papa_Smurf]

Wonder how many people will quote that in their sigs..........:lmfao:

i was first :D

[goi_ek]

lol

[ScrapMetalDSM]

Okay I guess I'll throw mine in.

This was about 4 years back. I was living in my fraternity house and there was a party going on. Well my girl at the time and I decide to go fuck up in my room on the third floor. Party was mainly on the 1st flootr and some on the second. Well. We are about midway through fucking. She is on top and riding me hard. My door lock was the kind where all you need is a thumbnail to unlock it from the outside. Well. All of a sudden the door flys open and theres one of my Brothers Conrad with 6...all hot sorority girls. My girl at the time and I look over in disbelief as Conrad is trying to cover his eyes and find the door knob to close the door. Well as he is doing that, my girlfriend gets off of me and hides herself under the covers leaving me fully exposed, and I notice all 6 girls are all looking at me, but not making eye contact if you know what I mean. Conrad finally closes the door, and we bust out laughing. We couldnt finish which sucked but when we got dressed and went back downstairs, there was a much larger group right at the bottom of the stairs and everyone gave us a round of applause.

Embarrasing? Totally. I went and bought a deadbolt lock the next day.

[murderrsiren]

^hahaha damnn.

why embarrassed? least peeps at the party knew you were doin it right. haha.

[ScrapMetalDSM]

Well I guess embarrassed was mroe for my ex. She was afraid to go out of my room.

Something I was leaving out of the story.. One of those girls that saw me, was one taht I was flirting with from time to time... once she saw me fucking another girl - she wanted nothing to do with me... DOH!

[90_ACCORD]

epic thread haha

[murderrsiren]

now that sucks. side chick FTW.

[Psw Jdm]

this thread is hilarious...lol ahaha

[pimpdaddy]

Another one. This past summer I had some buddies stay at my house over night and my gf did too. And she LOVED morning sex so we wake up, I hear all my friends downstairs sturring around and what and we start goin at it. They all were hungry and they start saying "come one matt were hungry lets go eat" and I kept replying "yeah we'll be down in a second" and this particular morning i was lasting a LONG time. they get tired of waiting so they come up stairs and I hear them coming so I get out of bed walk into my bathroom (attached) cut through the bathroom and another sink area and they get to my door and go to knock on it and open it. I then walk out of the door right beside my bedroom door completely naked, sword drawn and was like "hey guys, whats up?" And they turn around and see and of course "awww wtf!" at which point I :D :lmfao: :tongue1: :goodjob:. So now my two best friends have seen me butt ass naked full erect! :goodjob: lol It wasn't a fail but it was fucking hilarious. I reckomend it to anyone.

[Oz10]

Another one. This past summer I had some buddies stay at my house over night and my gf did too. And she LOVED morning sex so we wake up, I hear all my friends downstairs sturring around and what and we start goin at it. They all were hungry and they start saying "come one matt were hungry lets go eat" and I kept replying "yeah we'll be down in a second" and this particular morning i was lasting a LONG time. they get tired of waiting so they come up stairs and I hear them coming so I get out of bed walk into my bathroom (attached) cut through the bathroom and another sink area and they get to my door and go to knock on it and open it. I then walk out of the door right beside my bedroom door completely naked, sword drawn and was like "hey guys, whats up?" And they turn around and see and of course "awww wtf!" at which point I :D :lmfao: :tongue1: :goodjob:. So now my two best friends have seen me butt ass naked full erect! :goodjob: lol It wasn't a fail but it was fucking hilarious. I reckomend it to anyone.

http://i255.photobucket.com/albums/hh137/jhanlon303/misc/Cannot_Be_Unseen.jpg

[Ed]

Thread went from bullshit, to disgusting to more bullshit.

[pimpdaddy]

Thread went from bullshit, to disgusting to more bullshit.


yep, complete BS :D

[DVSRX-7]

ok so one time in band camp, i was fucking this chick sideways & felt i had to shit so i held it for a couple minutes, & at the last second before i finished i just let it go & sharted!!!!!! epic fuckin thread! repping everyone with a story

[87 Turbo II]

Oh this one is kinda funny. I dated a girl for 3 years, who not once, ever was good enough to make me cum(I think it was a mentality thing, she was my first serious relationship and I was cum shy around her for some reason). One day she was like "I just want to experience YOU having an orgasm, I'd be cool with anything, even if you jack it while I'm asleep and wake me up and put it in my mouth just before you finish." Lol ok, so I did just that, and she actually was really happy that she had experienced it. a few weeks go by, and she is sleeping next to me, I wake up, middle of the night, raging hard on. I think to myself "well she was happy it happened the first time, so maybe she won't mind it again." So just as I am about to finish I roll her over and I'm trying to get it near her face, but unlike last time when she woke up, realize dI was taking her advice and began sucking me, she was so tired she didn't quite wake up and I ended up just jizzing all over her sleeping face. I was then left with the awkward question of going to get soemthing to clean her up, or waking her up and telling her what I did, or what. But, having just had an orgasm my body said, lay down and take a breather then think about it later. I fell asleep. The next morning she was pretty pissed once she figured out what had happened.

[Friggintitsman]

I was in Iraq and I had some field pussy out there. Well she was still technically married so as to not get caught in adultery we would sneak around and have sex is some various places. Well one night I propped her ass up on the back of an M-88 (tank wrecker) and went to town on her shit. Right after I blew on off I looked over and thought I saw someone standing there watching us. Well that was obviously a hallucination, but it didn't stop me from popping my dick out and running away with my pants around my ankles and leaving her bare assed to the wind on the back of a tank. Needless to say I had some explaining to do and we weren't together much longer after that.

[EL42]

I was in Iraq and I had some field pussy out there. Well she was still technically married so as to not get caught in adultery we would sneak around and have sex is some various places. Well one night I propped her ass up on the back of an M-88 (tank wrecker) and went to town on her shit. Right after I blew on off I looked over and thought I saw someone standing there watching us. Well that was obviously a hallucination, but it didn't stop me from popping my dick out and running away with my pants around my ankles and leaving her bare assed to the wind on the back of a tank. Needless to say I had some explaining to do and we weren't together much longer after that.
:thinking: he who fucks and runs lives to fuck another day?:lmfao:

[pimpdaddy]

Oh this one is kinda funny. I dated a girl for 3 years, who not once, ever was good enough to make me cum(I think it was a mentality thing, she was my first serious relationship and I was cum shy around her for some reason). One day she was like "I just want to experience YOU having an orgasm, I'd be cool with anything, even if you jack it while I'm asleep and wake me up and put it in my mouth just before you finish." Lol ok, so I did just that, and she actually was really happy that she had experienced it. a few weeks go by, and she is sleeping next to me, I wake up, middle of the night, raging hard on. I think to myself "well she was happy it happened the first time, so maybe she won't mind it again." So just as I am about to finish I roll her over and I'm trying to get it near her face, but unlike last time when she woke up, realize dI was taking her advice and began sucking me, she was so tired she didn't quite wake up and I ended up just jizzing all over her sleeping face. I was then left with the awkward question of going to get soemthing to clean her up, or waking her up and telling her what I did, or what. But, having just had an orgasm my body said, lay down and take a breather then think about it later. I fell asleep. The next morning she was pretty pissed once she figured out what had happened.

LOL, I knew where that was going. :goodjob: I would have done the same thing :boobies:


I was in Iraq and I had some field pussy out there. Well she was still technically married so as to not get caught in adultery we would sneak around and have sex is some various places. Well one night I propped her ass up on the back of an M-88 (tank wrecker) and went to town on her shit. Right after I blew on off I looked over and thought I saw someone standing there watching us. Well that was obviously a hallucination, but it didn't stop me from popping my dick out and running away with my pants around my ankles and leaving her bare assed to the wind on the back of a tank. Needless to say I had some explaining to do and we weren't together much longer after that.

You deserve a medal! and yes he who fucks and runs lives to fuck another day. I bet she had the biggest :thinking: moment when you took off :lmfao:

[DustnU]

This thread is the BEST ever!!! I am literally LMAO ROTF @ work!!!! Wait I think I theres a tear or two, Bwahahahaha!

[ndgflowshot]

ill throw in my:2cents:
My sister had just leased an apartment for the first time and wanted to have some people over to celebrate. So me being only 17 at the time decided to invite more than a few of my friends... which wasnt the greatest idea. Anyway after a good two hours of drinking yager and smirnoff beers (wasnt a real man yet lol) i met this husky broad with a beautiful face but more of a round physique. so i say what the hell ill let her suck my dick. so we go in the spare bedroom with no furniture and nothing at all and im on my back getting some pretty good head from a large girl. about twenty mins into it my buddy walks in hammered and was like "whoa!! can i join". Without an answer or hesitation he walks up behind the girl and starts whacking off just enough to get hard. takes the girls pants off and starts hitting from the back. She didnt seem to mind at all so about 10 more mins later another buddy opens the door and was like "whoa, can i watch" and comes and sits on the floor beside us and just observing. So im not getting anywhere close to blowing my load so i suggest to switch it up, she starts blowing the other guy and i go for the pooper:idb:... she stops me mid way and is like "no no you gotta have some lube first". okay i walk out of the room butt ass naked to everyone drinking and yelled at everyone asking if anyone had lube... this got a few laughs and i got bored with looking so i go and take a seat between two of my friends that were really into a good ol game of Halo 2 to even notice im naked. About 5 mins later my sister who was about 22 at the time is banging on the door to the room where my buddy is fucking a fatty and another jacking it watching:nautjerk:. She starts screaming to get the whore out of her place, and for them to unlock the door. She fatty mc fat fat had to take the most epic walk of shame ever and my buddy ends up puking all over the floor when my sister broke in, turned on the light and he saw the fatty naked....
pretty funny but i still get shit to this day from everyone there that night

[SicStang03]

I can't of any really good ones at the moment. But I've farted multiple times while a girl was giving me head. I've only farted once when a dude was giving me head. Dudes seem to care less. Maybe thats just me.


I'm a straight guy, but I know my way around a dick.

Fallacy of logic:

You have been both the pitcher and the catcher.... you sir are gayer than aids

[DunDunSkeert]

ill throw in my:2cents:
My sister had just leased an apartment for the first time and wanted to have some people over to celebrate. So me being only 17 at the time decided to invite more than a few of my friends... which wasnt the greatest idea. Anyway after a good two hours of drinking yager and smirnoff beers (wasnt a real man yet lol) i met this husky broad with a beautiful face but more of a round physique. so i say what the hell ill let her suck my dick. so we go in the spare bedroom with no furniture and nothing at all and im on my back getting some pretty good head from a large girl. about twenty mins into it my buddy walks in hammered and was like "whoa!! can i join". Without an answer or hesitation he walks up behind the girl and starts whacking off just enough to get hard. takes the girls pants off and starts hitting from the back. She didnt seem to mind at all so about 10 more mins later another buddy opens the door and was like "whoa, can i watch" and comes and sits on the floor beside us and just observing. So im not getting anywhere close to blowing my load so i suggest to switch it up, she starts blowing the other guy and i go for the pooper:idb:... she stops me mid way and is like "no no you gotta have some lube first". okay i walk out of the room butt ass naked to everyone drinking and yelled at everyone asking if anyone had lube... this got a few laughs and i got bored with looking so i go and take a seat between two of my friends that were really into a good ol game of Halo 2 to even notice im naked. About 5 mins later my sister who was about 22 at the time is banging on the door to the room where my buddy is fucking a fatty and another jacking it watching:nautjerk:. She starts screaming to get the whore out of her place, and for them to unlock the door. She fatty mc fat fat had to take the most epic walk of shame ever and my buddy ends up puking all over the floor when my sister broke in, turned on the light and he saw the fatty naked....
pretty funny but i still get shit to this day from everyone there that night


BWAHAHAHAHAAH reps coming your way.

[Double_0_Rusty]

I fucked a goat one time, and I got stuck in the barbed wire fence...

[JJSPEC Racing]

I fucked a goat one time, and I got stuck in the barbed wire fence...

At least it wasnt electric, lol!