*OFFICIAL* Tiger Woods Joke thread.

[xxbckiexx]

The police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. "I don't
know exactly...put me down for a 5."

Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger's wife to pick up tips on how to beat Tiger.

What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a
ball 400 yards.

Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash, but he's still below par.

What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2:30 in the morning?
They went clubbing

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide
between a wood and an iron.

Ping just offered Elin an endorsement contract for her own set of
drivers; to be named Elin Woods..."clubs you can beat Tiger with."

Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat
family--his new name?: Cheetah

Tiger was driving an Escalade, can he blame the accident on his caddy?

Hello Mister Woods this is the On Star operator we have detected that
an angry person has put a golf club through your window, we are
contacting Nike for a new club.

Who among us doesn't hear a car crash and immediately grab the closest
golf club we can find??!!

Tiger's new movie: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.

Tiger Woods owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.

Poor choice; he should have gone with the driver.

Tiger just hates it when he drives and then his balls hit a tree.

Based on Tiger’s interests, his new product endorsements will be for Hostess.

This morning, his agent announced that the new nickname for Tiger will either be Cheetah or Lion.

His wife Elin told police that she went for a rescue wood, but it looks like she really went for the driver.

Did you make it out of your own driveway safely this morning? Then you can say that you outdrove Tiger Woods.

Tiger just lost his endorsement with Gillette because now they can’t use his ad in which he says, “This was my closest shave yet.”

Tiger Woods is half black, half asian. The black side picked the rims that went on the escalade, the asian side was driving.

It use to be people talked about Tiger Woods. Now they are talking about Tiger's Wood.

What does a golf ball, Tiger Woods, and an Escalade have in common? They've all been hit with a 3 iron.

[bdydrpdmazda]

when carlos mencia was here he had some good ones, I cant remember them though.

[bonezMTA]

LMAO!!!!!! good ones!!!

[xxbckiexx]

when carlos mencia was here he had some good ones, I cant remember them though.


They were probably stolen from other FUNNY comedian, who writes their own jokes, but that's neither here nor there.

[CHRISNITTOLO]

I lol'd a little.

[ISAtlanta300]

..looks like Tiger is not out of the Woods yet....

[lcortes32]

LULZ

[claybird]

this is great im rolling

[Ziptied]

What's the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods?

Santa only has 3 ho's.

[xxbckiexx]

What's the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods?

Santa only has 3 ho's.


how many did tiger have?

[roxie911]

how many did tiger have?

11 :D

[ixlr8]

Tiger is making a new book, How to score 18 holes successfuly .

[On_Her_Face]

http://www.break.com/games/tiger-woods-wife-outrun.html

[MachNU]

My favorite so far...

> It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have

> Turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do.
>
> All the Children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early
> dismissal.
>
> Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can
> Leave early today."
>
> Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart
> And will answer the question."
>
> Teacher: "Who said ' Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
>
> Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."
>
> Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."
>
> Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
>
> Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
>
> Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."
>
> Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."
>
> Johnny is even madder than before.
>
> Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
>
> Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."
>
> Teacher: "That's right Nancy , you may also leave."
>
> Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the
> Questions.
>
> When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would
> Keep their mouths shut!"
>
> The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"
>
> Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"

[smoknlegend]

a Tiger tale
Twas the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house
Tiger Woods came a flyin', chased by his spouse..
She wielded a nine iron and wasn't too merry,
Cause a bimbo's phone number was in his Blackberry.
He'd been cheatin' on Elin, and the story progressed.
Woman after woman stepped up and confessed.
He'd been cheatin' with Holly, and Jaimee, and Cori,
With Joselyn, and Kalika. The world had the story.
From the top of the Tour to the basement of blues,
Tiger's sad sordid tale was all over the news.
With hostesses, waitresses, he had lots of sex,
When not in their pants, he was sendin' them texts.
Despite all his cryin' and beggin' and pleadin',
Tiger's wife went investin' -- a new home in Sweden .
And I heard her exclaim from her white Escalade,
"If you're gettin' laid then I'm gettin' paid."
She's not pouting, in fact, she is of jolly good cheer,
Her prenup made Christmas come early this year.