VERY Important things you need to know before working on your car!

[DieselNuts]

Tool Definitions:

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted part which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, ''What the...??''

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.

AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

MECHANIC''S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while wearing them.

DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling ''DAMMIT'' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

[90_ACCORD]

haha i love it

[stillaneon]

thats a great way to look at things....

[dohc4.6sc]

so facking true

[dohc4.6sc]

only thing different in my eyes, is the hammer. when im working on a humvee and i get frustrated, i grab a hammer and shit starts working our for me. or the government buys a new part either way win/win wituation for me. tax dollars at work.

[ScrapMetalDSM]

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.


CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.




TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.



E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.


Why oh Why do I know these Allllll to well...

[X-Runner]

Repost...

[Kevykev]

Always a good read!

[Init2winit]

Good shit.

[eraser4g63]

+ Reps. That as great.

[Oz10]

I've totally done half that stuff.

me = fail

haha

[BKgen®]

I totally have a dammit hammer.

[BlueLude94]

only thing different in my eyes, is the hammer. when im working on a humvee and i get frustrated, i grab a hammer and shit starts working our for me. or the government buys a new part either way win/win wituation for me. tax dollars at work.
Goes with my motto: If a hammer doesn't fix it you got an electrical problem.

[DieselNuts]

Goes with my motto: If a hammer doesn't fix it you got an electrical problem.
HAHAHAHA!!! That's awesome!

[NovaScotia]

looking at my dammit tire iron right now...

there needs to be a GTAW on that list. the tool that you realize halfway through a bead you've forgot to change the electrode. or you ground your elbow and fly across the room.

[Okie_doke.]

Goes with my motto: If a hammer doesn't fix it you got an electrical problem.

LMFAO!!!! This thread is full of :lmfao::lmfao::lmfao::lmfao::lmfao::lmfao:

[Catnip]

Cool repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a 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repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost of a repost, bro.

[Firefightin_tC]

^^ Wow. That was uncalled for.

Reps for Diesel!

[Catnip]

Why? I've read that on about 43 different forums, probably 7 times on each forum.

[Firefightin_tC]

Can you point out where this was posted on -this- forum?

[BKgen®]

Can you point out where this was posted on -this- forum?

http://importatlanta.com/forums/showthread.php?t=213148

lol

[Firefightin_tC]

And with that...I stand corrected and I recant my previous post.

[BKgen®]

LOL +30

[Firefightin_tC]

Gracious in victory, gracious in defeat.

[eViLMunkey]

Lmao, could care less if its a re-post

[DieselNuts]

Why? I've read that on about 43 different forums, probably 7 times on each forum.



http://importatlanta.com/forums/showthread.php?t=213148

lol
well, thats once...lets see the other 6 :crazy:

Its worth the repost imo.

[DriVaH]

Its worth the repost imo.x2, i got a laugh:goodjob:

[03RCode]

I was totally fixing to say that I posted this way back when... instead I'll say, HAVE YOU GOT ANOTHER MUDSTAIN YET?! And +Reps.

[DieselNuts]

I was totally fixing to say that I posted this way back when... instead I'll say, HAVE YOU GOT ANOTHER MUDSTAIN YET?! And +Reps.
lol, great minds think alike :goodjob: No, no mudstain, but I think I'm going to the other domestic darkside. I'm planning on picking up an 02 Formula Firebird. Its only got 55K miles and is stock :ninja:

[03RCode]

lol, great minds think alike :goodjob: No, no mudstain, but I think I'm going to the other domestic darkside. I'm planning on picking up an 02 Formula Firebird. Its only got 55K miles and is stock :ninja:



Weaksos.



As much as I feel you need to be back in another Mudstain, I can't argue with teh el es juan :goodjob:

[jdm>usdm]

This is my first read. And I lol'd a good bit.


Reps for the repost.

[DieselNuts]

Weaksos.



As much as I feel you need to be back in another Mudstain, I can't argue with teh el es juan :goodjob:
Trust me, my heart is with the mudstains through and through, but I have a good friend that works magic with the LSX engines...so much magic that a big name company put one of his cams on a cam doctor and stole his specs and mass produced their own cam...fucked up huh?