Text from Last Night.

[qwick]

I found this on another forum and thought it was kinda funny.

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/



(847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
(1-847): How was it?
(847): Fantastic, but that's not the point.





(303): I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.





(902): and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep.......and then she farted.

[staysideways]

(626): What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
(1-626): You have mice?
(626): no why?


haha, i'm likin' that site

[Jecht]

(404): FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
(1-404): haha good one..how did you even know?
(404): we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.

[Jecht]

Another one, read the comments I copied too

(703): Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Replies (28) Good Night (4784) Bad Night (70) More from 703
28 Comments:

Anonymous said...
it must be your lucky day

May 18, 2009 6:51PM

Anonymous said...
Why doesn't that ever happen to me?? I could use an extra grand right about now...

May 18, 2009 6:54PM

Anonymous said...
did you have sex with t-pain?

May 18, 2009 7:31PM

[Danger Mouse]

(609): Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!

(267): This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room

(609): AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!

lolz

[Jecht]

(708): Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.



(212): btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up


(503): Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?

[99hatch]

(703): Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'

hahaha fool.

[thepolecat]

awesome stuff!!!

[ShooterMcGavin]

el oh elz. repped.

[The Ren]

(415): And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
(1-415): What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
(415): He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."

[The Ren]

(816): About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money

[The Ninja]

(734): I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.

LMFAO!!! Reps, hilarious site.

[Allshow97]

ROFLMAO

(631): If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org

(520): If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.

[Allshow97]

(415): And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
(1-415): What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
(415): He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."

+Reps best site EVAR!!!

[Kevykev]

(734): I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.





(212): btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up



Hahahahaha, Site is funnay!

[qwick]

(214): dude. I'm so drunk.
(972): pete, this is bryce's mom
(214): I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
(972): pete, this is still bryce's mom

[ArK]

(214): I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
(1-214): Mike i'm at church right now...

[qwick]

(630): do you know how bad I want you right now?
(1-630): As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
(630): is that a hint?

[UpSideDownDesi]

lol

[90_ACCORD]

(405): Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
(918): You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
(405): I wish there were wingman of the year awards.

hahahaha

[SLOWR/T]

Damn I saw this a couple weeks ago on another forum and forgot to post it. This shits fucking awesome!!

[PURP]

(678): I stuck it in and pulled it out
(1-678): Did she like it?
(678): She giggled?
(1-678): She liked it

[PURP]

(226): forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
__________________________________________________ ___


(775): before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.

[13Bracer]

LOL
(925): i think i just met the girl of my dreams. someone made a serious statement about rape and she said "pish posh, i love surprise sex"




(805): she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu




(404): one word: firstdatebathroomanal

[13Bracer]

(317): I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people




(213): those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later




(312): She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!


(843): Nice meating you last night
(843): Not a typo

[hondachik]

lol

[Mr. Clean]

(405): Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
(918): You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
(405): I wish there were wingman of the year awards.

hahahaha

this is epicness.

and this thread has potential to be fucking amazing. i lol'd numerous times hahaha.


(617): dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.

[ATL_EG]

(803): My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you

(216): when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
(1-216): damn...impressive bar tab
(216): no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer


lololol

[eraser4g63]

(813): The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.

(813): This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.

(724): This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.

(775): before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal

(502): So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(

(215): So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.

[C-loS109]

(813): I'm fucking your sister right now.
(1-813): You motherfucker
(813): She's next.

[TheGodfather]

(813): I'm fucking your sister right now.
(1-813): You motherfucker
(813): She's next.

:lmfao:

[The Ren]

Today has been epic win..

here are just a few:

(812): My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow

(719): so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.

(650): my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
(415): and she bought it?!?
(650): yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes

(905): She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
(416): Got yourself a keeper right there.

(425): Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
(1-425): I hate you

(971): I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.

(845): If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.

(615): The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.

[99hatch]

(203): Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.

(601): i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"

(651): After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive

(484): he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him

(608): i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.

(814): If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.

[99hatch]

(805): "what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me

[Kelly]

(407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

[DJ Maestro]

(407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...


:lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao:

+Repz

[Kelly]

haha thx.

(508): you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
(978): I guess I misjudged your gender.

[Kelly]

haha... (518): after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.

[The Ren]

(770): Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
(404): Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
(770): Fuck. Wron person. But yea

(678): did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
(404): did it work?
(678): nope

[JmDubz]

(281): How do you jack off and text at the same time?
(1-281): On my iPhone they have an app for that

(512): i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

(214): Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

[ALVIN]

bwahahaha thats some funny shit

[JmDubz]

(209): dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
(1-209): nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all

[1MP0RTL0V3R]

(574): So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
(574): Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.

(608): Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
(1-608): At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
(608): Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.

(402): Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.

(630): i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...

(720): Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."

[1MP0RTL0V3R]

(617): but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back

(312): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.

(919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

(774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...


(909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

(510): he said he didn't have a condom.
(415): and you said?
(510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

(321): Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.

[JDMbabe]

hahah tooo funny repps!

[AnthonyF]

(216): when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
(1-216): damn...impressive bar tab
(216): no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer


lololol

EL OH FUCKING EL!!!!!!

[dabuilding]

MOAR!!!!!!
i just read them all lol

[The Ren]

(703): She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper

[SandM]

yea, i stumbled on this site a while back, fukin epic

[n2daizo123]

410): Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
(301): Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..

[SandM]

(404): I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee

(301): Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
(760): You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.

(925): just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.

[~GILLEY~]

lol this is great

[wantsanS14]

(843): happy early fathers day!!!
(829): im not a father
(843): about that...

Ouch!

[lanning]

(843): happy early fathers day!!!
(829): im not a father
(843): about that...

Ouch!
:no: :no: :no: :yes:

[wantsanS14]

(702): chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
(415): i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube

What's Ran's area code?

[E=MC²]

(212): i want you now
(916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this

[wantsanS14]

^^^Regarding your sig, is it wrong that i got the boost first, and still haven't gotten the poon?

[blacknightteg]

anyone ever think or wonder if one of their texts will show up! lol.

[EM1toEVO]

^^^Regarding your sig, is it wrong that i got the boost first, and still haven't gotten the poon?

Too much information...

[NewGen33]

(705): "The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.


14 Comments:

Anonymous said...

A more realistic goal would be to end up in the hot tub when everyone else's faces seem blurred and later have your face blurred out on cops.
June 19, 2009 12:44PM

Anonymous said...

COPS is the only show worth having your face blurred out on.

well played 12:44 i applaud thee
June 19, 2009 12:47PM

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the location. I'm heaving firecrackers over the fence tonight and eggs tomorrow night. Thanks again.
June 19, 2009 12:54PM

Anonymous said...

too bad they aren't currently filming that season...
June 19, 2009 1:08PM

Anonymous said...

did you mean 703? and, yeah, its my goal to be the cause of a fight that gets the republican room mate into anger management but will ultimately not even make it back for the reunion show
June 19, 2009 1:11PM

Anonymous said...

no they are filming this summer 108 i looked it up
June 19, 2009 1:56PM

Anonymous said...

My friend and I are already making plans to double team the sub par gay kid.
June 19, 2009 2:04PM

Anonymous said...

Whats a 705er doin in DC?
June 19, 2009 3:15PM

Anonymous said...

OMG.... I have SAID that. Exactly. Whoever you are, we need to be friends. PS to the person from 1:08.... they move into the house june 20th.
June 19, 2009 3:29PM

Anonymous said...

I'm just wondering what bar(s) will they be hitting up?
June 19, 2009 3:50PM

Anonymous said...

No I ment 705... canadian :)
June 19, 2009 4:35PM

Anonymous said...

i am so up for being that chick that starts a fight with one of the other girls in the house just to get on camera. then maybe hook up with one of the guys and classily bring it back to the house...


whose up for stalking their bar hopping?
June 19, 2009 4:35PM

Anonymous said...

i dont know, but i'll be fake dating the hell out of someone, starting tomorrow.
June 19, 2009 4:35PM

Anonymous said...

its all fun and games until you end up in south east
June 19, 2009 9:36PM



...

[E=MC²]

^^^Regarding your sig, is it wrong that i got the boost first, and still haven't gotten the poon?

yes. get laid and compare.

[collins]

EXCELLENT REVIVAL!

(845): If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.

i needed the laugh. thanks guys!

[collins]

(301): Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.

(540): she says it's "been amazing lately"
(540): i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half

(423): I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk

[SandM]

(540): she says it's "been amazing lately"
(540): i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half


ah hahahahaha

[qwick]

(609): I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
(1-609): and?
(609): RIP clitoris


(609): i'm saving my butt for my wedding night


(210): My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.

[The Ren]

(206): I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
.
(704): i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
(1-704): hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god

(905): Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat

(510): dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?

(951): Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
(951): Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.

(612): I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.

[99hatch]

They say celebs die in 3's...Leave it to Billy Mays to throw in one COMPLETELY FREE!!