FML

[On_Her_Face]

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room... my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML

Today, this really attractive woman that I've known for years told me that when I can have sex with her standing up, she'll have sex with me. I'm confined to a wheelchair. FML

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

[Brian*]

Damn LOLOL

[TheGodfather]

I'm 100% sure that 90% of those on that site are made up.

Funny none-the-less, but still fake.

http://i273.photobucket.com/albums/jj208/dkjones96/phoney.jpg

[NVEOUS]

Today, after class I was chatting with my teacher, a really cool and stylish old black guy. I tell him he reminds me of one of those soul dudes from those 70s movies, right down to the pimp-walk. He tells me he walks that way because he was beaten for drinking out of the wrong fountain as a kid. FML

[Alan®]

Bwahahaha oh man some of this shit is fucked up

[90_ACCORD]

haha i love that site

[On_Her_Face]

Today, after class I was chatting with my teacher, a really cool and stylish old black guy. I tell him he reminds me of one of those soul dudes from those 70s movies, right down to the pimp-walk. He tells me he walks that way because he was beaten for drinking out of the wrong fountain as a kid. FML

I could see this one being true..































:lmfao:

[NVEOUS]

Today, I accidently walked in on my girlfriend masturbating so I said to her "Need a hand with that?", to which she replied "I'm doing fine here on my own, don't ruin it". FML

[GLulic]

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. (http://www.fmylife.com/sex/253938) I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. (http://www.fmylife.com/sex/253938) Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. (http://www.fmylife.com/sex/253938) FML (http://www.fmylife.com/sex/253938)

[mocha latte cupcake]

first person to post 10 more of these gets +16 from me. :D

[SpeedMonkey]

I met a chick, who had a sexy bulging stomach... I ask her if i can buy her a drink she replies "sure, just nothing with alcohol please".. figured she didn't want to drink something hard because she's pregnant, the conversation goes well.. she flirts, her body language is promising.. she asks what encouraged me to approach her, i tell her i have a thing for pregnant women, she says.. with a confused look on her face, " i was a vegetarian, i started eating beef and i guess i've gained weight" FML..

i dismiss myself, and call her a disgusting fat whore.

[GLulic]

first person to post 10 more of these gets +16 from me. :D
lol not worth it.

[SpeedMonkey]

lol not worth it.

you're a faggot.

[On_Her_Face]

I met a chick, who had a sexy bulging stomach... I ask her if i can buy her a drink she replies "sure, just nothing with alcohol please".. figured she didn't want to drink something hard because she's pregnant, the conversation goes well.. she flirts, her body language is promising.. she asks what encouraged me to approach her, i tell her i have a thing for pregnant women, she says.. with a confused look on her face, " i was a vegetarian, i started eating beef and i guess i've gained weight" FML..

i dismiss myself, and call her a disgusting fat whore.

Who are you?

[GLulic]

you're a faggot.
seriously who are you?

[NVEOUS]

Today, I arrived at my parents house for dinner. When I got there, I noticed that they had gay pride flags hanging from the porch, and gay rights bumper stickers plastered to their cars. There was also a huge "We accept you, Nick" banner hanging from the garage. I'M NOT GAY! FML

[SpeedMonkey]

Who are you?


*sean connery accent*...

honestly?.... well..................................... yo motherfucking daddy

[NVEOUS]

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML

[SpeedMonkey]

seriously who are you?

the guy who isn't pathetic enough to put hot chicks on his Signature.

[mocha latte cupcake]

spedjunkie j00r back! lol where you been ho?

[GLulic]

the guy who isn't pathetic enough to put hot chicks on his Signature.
ohhh you're the gay guy of IA?

[SpeedMonkey]

ohhh you're the gay guy of IA?

yeah, well.. i guess i could be, if we were both cell mates im sure id be pulp fiction pumping your white boy ass right about now.:goodjob:

[SpeedMonkey]

spedjunkie j00r back! lol where you been ho?

grown man things, such as.. staying away from honda S2k's

i've always found it humorous that S2k rhymes with its too gay. must be the white boy in me.

[On_Her_Face]

Speedmonkey, you haven't been on in forever, still working on the same place?

[GLulic]

yeah, well.. i guess i could be, if we were both cell mates im sure id be pulp fiction pumping your white boy ass right about now.:goodjob:

wow you're gay.you didn't even say no homo.you fudge packer.

[SpeedMonkey]

Speedmonkey, you haven't been on in forever, still working on the same place?

same 2 places, yes. I'm mexican, i work alot.

lol.

how you been cock-asian?

[SpeedMonkey]

wow you're gay.you didn't even say no homo.you fudge packer.

i guess you didnt understand me at all... i simply said.. if i were gay, you'd be my girlfriend.

[GLulic]

i guess you didnt understand me at all... i simply said.. if i were gay, you'd be my girlfriend.
you're not a very smart gay guy are you?your fag friends must be ashamed of you.

[SpeedMonkey]

you're not a very smart gay guy are you?your fag friends must be ashamed of you.

maybe, but not as much as your parents are of you... we've heard them whisper to each other.. ::YOUR MOTHER::: "i TOLD you to cum on my tits... now look what happened"..

[NVEOUS]

Today, I found out my angry ex girlfriend put Nair in my shampoo before moving out of my dorm. I'm now balding at 19. FML

Today, my mom walked in on me looking at a 1978 playboy. She asked if I found it in the basement. I said yes. Then I realized she was the centerfold. FML

Today, while working my cash register a man who was 6’3” came in dressed really nice and ordered. After he ordered I asked why he was dressed so nice he responded ”I’m going to court for stalking pretty girls like you”. Our nametags have full names. FML

Today, while changing my tampon in the stall of my high school's bathroom, I lost control of the plastic applicator. The blood-covered apparatus shot out like a rocket underneath the stall door. For a moment I thought no one noticed, then the screaming began. FML

Today, I went to the Doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

Today, while working on a carpentry project with my friend at 2am, and enjoying some beers, I cut my hand and realized I needed medical attention. Neither of us being in driving shape, I knocked on my parents bedroom door to request a ride. I was told I had to wait for them to "finish." FML

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said I was way too good at sex so I must have lied about not having much experience, and he "wouldn't be with someone who is hiding something." WTF? FML

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML

Today, I got stoned at a party for the first time. On the drive home I sat at an intersection waiting for the green light for few minutes. I finally realized the green light was never coming. So did the cop behind me. I was at a stop sign. FML

Today, I was stuck in what I thought was traffic on my way home from work. I started weaving in and out of traffic because it seemed to only be a few cars holding up the line. I get to the front of the line and I'd realized I just weaved through a funeral procession. FML

[GLulic]

maybe, but not as much as your parents are of you... we've heard them whisper to each other.. ::YOUR MOTHER::: "i TOLD you to cum on my tits... now look what happened"..
wow lol you totally flipped this thing around.i don't have time for mom jokes right now(work ftmfl),we shall continue this later lol.

[GLulic]

Today, I found out my angry ex girlfriend put Nair in my shampoo before moving out of my dorm. I'm now balding at 19. FML

Today, my mom walked in on me looking at a 1978 playboy. She asked if I found it in the basement. I said yes. Then I realized she was the centerfold. FML

Today, while working my cash register a man who was 6’3” came in dressed really nice and ordered. After he ordered I asked why he was dressed so nice he responded ”I’m going to court for stalking pretty girls like you”. Our nametags have full names. FML

Today, while changing my tampon in the stall of my high school's bathroom, I lost control of the plastic applicator. The blood-covered apparatus shot out like a rocket underneath the stall door. For a moment I thought no one noticed, then the screaming began. FML

Today, I went to the Doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

Today, while working on a carpentry project with my friend at 2am, and enjoying some beers, I cut my hand and realized I needed medical attention. Neither of us being in driving shape, I knocked on my parents bedroom door to request a ride. I was told I had to wait for them to "finish." FML

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said I was way too good at sex so I must have lied about not having much experience, and he "wouldn't be with someone who is hiding something." WTF? FML

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML

Today, I got stoned at a party for the first time. On the drive home I sat at an intersection waiting for the green light for few minutes. I finally realized the green light was never coming. So did the cop behind me. I was at a stop sign. FML

Today, I was stuck in what I thought was traffic on my way home from work. I started weaving in and out of traffic because it seemed to only be a few cars holding up the line. I get to the front of the line and I'd realized I just weaved through a funeral procession. FML

wow you want those rep points.


suck up.jk lol

[SpeedMonkey]

wow lol you totally flipped this thing around.i don't have time for mom jokes right now(work ftmfl),we shall continue this later lol.


... equals... "im sorry, i will cherish your ownage speedmonkey, and whenever possible.. i'll worship your mexican brown shaded cock."


my answer to this is.. Thanks. thats what i thought.


PS. Like mother like son.

[NVEOUS]

lol i just love the site. lol its hilarious. And i do want the rep points. I don't have too many lol

[GLulic]

... equals... "im sorry, i will cherish your ownage speedmonkey, and whenever possible.. i'll worship your mexican brown shaded cock."


my answer to this is.. Thanks. thats what i thought.


PS. Like mother like son.

you didn't win.i'm taking a break lol.

[mocha latte cupcake]

:lmfao: +reps for NV :lmfao:

[SpeedMonkey]

you didn't win.i'm taking a break lol.

is this my ex girlfriend?.. cause you wont shut the fVck up.

[NVEOUS]

LOL thanks JM

[On_Her_Face]

same 2 places, yes. I'm mexican, i work alot.

lol.

how you been cock-asian?

Good living in Tennessee now, and I got a new LS3/6spd Corvette. What about you.

[NVEOUS]

How do you like it?

[SpeedMonkey]

Good living in Tennessee now, and I got a new LS3/6spd Corvette. What about you.

i still have the Z, its almost paid off, im going to keep it, and go old school project wise.

im not really interested in making power, so im going to get in touch with my roots and build a G ride. there are plenty of cars out there to pick from.. but.. i havent found a shop yet that has good experience wrapping frames. so i might have to take it out of state. i dont know. its gonna take awhile.

[On_Her_Face]

i still have the Z, its almost paid off, im going to keep it, and go old school project wise.

im not really interested in making power, so im going to get in touch with my roots and build a G ride. there are plenty of cars out there to pick from.. but.. i havent found a shop yet that has good experience wrapping frames. so i might have to take it out of state. i dont know. its gonna take awhile.

Mexican.

[mocha latte cupcake]

Mexican.

QFMFT <(' '<)

a G ride...i hope to God its a flare side truck with 14" turned out gold wire spoke wheels. with a mural on teh tail gate and the words... Hector in old english on the rear window :lmfao:

[Arm&hammer]

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML

LOL

[AnthonyF]

welcome back Speedmonkey. Fuk these n00bs who don't you!

Every loser on here puts girls in their sigs for reps. How fucking lame.

-Ant.

[SpeedMonkey]

lol.


thanks ant.


and no.. im not that kind of mexican to whoever made the truck joke.

what i will do only time will tell since the cars i like are a big harder to find in good enough shape to use.. but if all goes my way, a 1962 Impala will be my ride. i favor the 62 over the 63 and 64 years but... i love them all. so far in, i have a rusted piece of shit frame that needs some sanding, and hopefully me and my brother can handle the wrapping job ourselves. its going to take awhile. we arent in California.

[FasTech]

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML



Something like this actually happened to me one time. LOLOL +12 for the funniest one.

[FasTech]

Today, I found out my angry ex girlfriend put Nair in my shampoo before moving out of my dorm. I'm now balding at 19. FML

Today, my mom walked in on me looking at a 1978 playboy. She asked if I found it in the basement. I said yes. Then I realized she was the centerfold. FML

Today, while working my cash register a man who was 6’3” came in dressed really nice and ordered. After he ordered I asked why he was dressed so nice he responded ”I’m going to court for stalking pretty girls like you”. Our nametags have full names. FML

Today, while changing my tampon in the stall of my high school's bathroom, I lost control of the plastic applicator. The blood-covered apparatus shot out like a rocket underneath the stall door. For a moment I thought no one noticed, then the screaming began. FML

Today, I went to the Doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

Today, while working on a carpentry project with my friend at 2am, and enjoying some beers, I cut my hand and realized I needed medical attention. Neither of us being in driving shape, I knocked on my parents bedroom door to request a ride. I was told I had to wait for them to "finish." FML

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said I was way too good at sex so I must have lied about not having much experience, and he "wouldn't be with someone who is hiding something." WTF? FML

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML

Today, I got stoned at a party for the first time. On the drive home I sat at an intersection waiting for the green light for few minutes. I finally realized the green light was never coming. So did the cop behind me. I was at a stop sign. FML

Today, I was stuck in what I thought was traffic on my way home from work. I started weaving in and out of traffic because it seemed to only be a few cars holding up the line. I get to the front of the line and I'd realized I just weaved through a funeral procession. FML


If I could rep you again I would. You just made my day alittle better.

[FlipKing]

Lol, I dont do it for reps, I do it b-c I think she's hot and I get to see her when I post. I got plenty of reps.lol

[NVEOUS]

Lol, I dont do it for reps, I do it b-c I think she's hot and I get to see her when I post. I got plenty of reps.lol
She is most definately HOT bro.

[NVEOUS]

If I could rep you again I would. You just made my day alittle better.



And im glad i made your day a little better. I've found better ones on there but those are just a few that i found right then:goodjob: :goodjob:

And thanks for the reps

[NVEOUS]

Today, I was on a third date with a girl. Things had been going really well. At one point, the conversation lulled. After a moment of silence, she asked me what my greatest fantasy was. I told her that it was being a superhero. She told me that she meant sexual fantasy. I'm 25. FML

[NVEOUS]

Today, when I walked into work all of my co-workers were giggling and asking "How was YOUR night last night?". Last night I had sex for the first time with someone I'm seeing secretly (with good reason). That person is my boss. He told everyone. FML

[mocha latte cupcake]

:lmfao: :lmfao: sleepin with the boss lol

[NVEOUS]

Today, I wake up, switch on TV and the first thing I see is the picture of a wanted rapist who looks just like me. I’m afraid to leave home. FML

[NVEOUS]

Today, it has been a year and a half since my boyfriend discovered online poker. Annoyed to see him spending every evening playing on his laptop, I threatened him: “Now honey, you have to choose. It’s your poker or me!” Answer: “You are bluffing!” FML

[NVEOUS]

Today, the real estate guy came with potential buyers to visit my house. He opened my bedroom while I was wanking. FML

[NVEOUS]

Today, I woke up next to a beautiful half naked brunette in my bed. 2 minutes later, my alarm clock woke me up for real. FML

[NVEOUS]

Today, I carefully approached my boyfriend from behind and put my hands on his eyes saying: “Who’s there?” he answered: “Mary? Camilla? Kate? ». Annoyed, I said « You lose; it’s your beloved one… ». After a while, he said « Oh! Amanda! ». My name is Chloe. FML

[NVEOUS]

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 12 (11 members and 1 guests)
NVEOUS, hotshot, tdurr, red08passat, SpeedMonkey, Got Milk?, ISAtlanta300, Arm&hammer, Sledlude, Jecht


yall have to have something to say to this.

[NVEOUS]

Today, we had some family over. A nasty need to wank seized me when I saw her : my 17 year old cousin. I went to my unoccupied parents’ bedroom. My sister's baby walkie talkie was on and the whole family heard me. FML

[NVEOUS]

Today, I farted A LOT during my exam, all silent so I figured I should be OK. Then I looked around and everybody was suffocating and giving me sly looks. I am now known to everyone in the department as SuperFart. FML

[mocha latte cupcake]

i do! keep going :lmfao: i'm dying over here @ work this is awesome lol

[NVEOUS]

Today, after a party, I brought a girl to the flat I share with my 2 best friends. While we are doing it, she asks me "You're not afraid your friends could hear us?". The only answer that spontaneously came out of my mouth: "Don't worry, they're used to it". FML

[NVEOUS]

Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction ? She vomited. FML

[NVEOUS]

Today, I just woke up next to the most unpopular girl in school. Damn Vodka. FML

[NVEOUS]

Today, I was in a nightclub with my girlfriend, while a beautiful girl was looking at me in the most provocative way. I didn't want my girl to be upset, so I escaped to the bar. Later, I saw this girl kissing my girlfriend... Maybe I wasn't the one that she was looking at. FML






I would take them both back home right then

[NVEOUS]

Today, for the 25th time, an Indian called my cell phone asking for 'Pinkie'. I don't know who the hell Pinkie is, but I don't appreciate people calling wrong numbers while I'm having sex. FML

[NVEOUS]

Ok you guys Im leaving for the day. Ill be back tomorrow. Just look for the thread
FML v.2 lol If yall want me to.