VooDooXII
02-11-2009, 01:19 AM
It's that time a year again and couples everywhere are struggling to find that perfect gift for their loved one(s). No one wants to be tacky or cliche, but isn't that what Valentine's Day is all about? It appears the ones that are having problems are the younger 20's groups, or the people that have only been with their significant other for a few weeks/months. So here's my professional advice on this pathetic economic trap...I mean holiday.
Gifts for guys:
Believe it or not, guys really don't care what you give them. We obviously don't want a stupid sweater or a goldfish. We aren't going to ask you for power tools or car parts or a new video game, because most guys just don't care about getting anything at all. We live our lives for the now, for the most part. Sure, we wouldn't mind getting something useful, but if you give us something then we're going to feel obligated to get something for you. And I can assure you that if we're being pressured into getting a gift for you, or anyone for that matter, it's not going to be a good one. So here's a thought: don't get him anything. Maybe just hang out with him. Stay in for the night, watch a movie, get cozy, and wear something sexy, and when the time is right, gurgle his balls like your life depends on it. That's right. Work the shaft, tip, and boys all in one. He'll love you forever.
Gifts for women:
Not to be cynical or rude, but why the hell should you get anything? Guys, don't feel obligated to buy your woman something. Most likely she's going to think you're cheesy for it. Flowers, chocolates, and cards are so fawking overplayed that you might as well get her a free oil change coupon for Jiffy Lube, because when you buy her those kinds of gifts, you're telling her that you have no idea who she is or what she likes. If you're going to get her something, get her that purse or pair of shoes she's been hinting at wanting. If you were smart, you would have picked up on all the hints for things you missed at Christmas. The biggest thing you can give your girl is the gift of letting her know you actually like you and that you like having her around. Honestly, there's no way to top that. Unless, of course, she's a soul-less whore who's life only revolves around money and big cocks. But hey, let's be honest, if that's the kind of girl you're with, you probably don't even know how to use the Internet. In any case, make sure you pay special attention to your own personal hygiene. Maybe wear some cologne or shave your balls or something. Women pick up on small things very easily, so she'll most likely notice even if you just tweeze your eyebrows.
Summary:
It doesn't matter what you get for your partner for Valentine's Day. Spend time with them doing something you both enjoy. Tell them you care. And remember to gurgle the balls.
Gifts for guys:
Believe it or not, guys really don't care what you give them. We obviously don't want a stupid sweater or a goldfish. We aren't going to ask you for power tools or car parts or a new video game, because most guys just don't care about getting anything at all. We live our lives for the now, for the most part. Sure, we wouldn't mind getting something useful, but if you give us something then we're going to feel obligated to get something for you. And I can assure you that if we're being pressured into getting a gift for you, or anyone for that matter, it's not going to be a good one. So here's a thought: don't get him anything. Maybe just hang out with him. Stay in for the night, watch a movie, get cozy, and wear something sexy, and when the time is right, gurgle his balls like your life depends on it. That's right. Work the shaft, tip, and boys all in one. He'll love you forever.
Gifts for women:
Not to be cynical or rude, but why the hell should you get anything? Guys, don't feel obligated to buy your woman something. Most likely she's going to think you're cheesy for it. Flowers, chocolates, and cards are so fawking overplayed that you might as well get her a free oil change coupon for Jiffy Lube, because when you buy her those kinds of gifts, you're telling her that you have no idea who she is or what she likes. If you're going to get her something, get her that purse or pair of shoes she's been hinting at wanting. If you were smart, you would have picked up on all the hints for things you missed at Christmas. The biggest thing you can give your girl is the gift of letting her know you actually like you and that you like having her around. Honestly, there's no way to top that. Unless, of course, she's a soul-less whore who's life only revolves around money and big cocks. But hey, let's be honest, if that's the kind of girl you're with, you probably don't even know how to use the Internet. In any case, make sure you pay special attention to your own personal hygiene. Maybe wear some cologne or shave your balls or something. Women pick up on small things very easily, so she'll most likely notice even if you just tweeze your eyebrows.
Summary:
It doesn't matter what you get for your partner for Valentine's Day. Spend time with them doing something you both enjoy. Tell them you care. And remember to gurgle the balls.