Need constructive criticism

[Mr. Clean]

Writing a short story for my creative writing class. any edits or criticism would be appreciated. If you don't feel like reading then just go ahead and hit the back button lol. it's not long but it's def. longer than about anything else you'll read on here. We just had to write a fictional story and this is pretty tightly based on something that happened down the street from my parent's house. shit was crazy, i just made up some details. This is first draft or a "fast-wright" as my professor told us to do. so it's mostly just my first ideas. revisions will come later.




934 Evernham Street

“Four.” He stabbed her four times. She’ll never forget because she counted out loud. She had watched him slowly shuffle around the kitchen opening all the drawers looking for just he right utensil. He finally settled upon the cutlet knife. Beth’s heart dropped as he turned to her and grinned. He knelt down and asked if she could count to four. Tears streamed down her face as she nodded. He had told her to show him how good she was at counting. The only consolation she had was that her mother clearly passed away after the first blow to the left side of her chest. She knew this because she felt her mother stop wiggling.

Her mother never said a word after he flung open the door and pointed the gun in our faces. Never screamed, almost as if she was accepting her fate. Beth would never understand her mother’s lack of contest, but would also never try and think about it. Beth soon realized that was easier said than done. He pulled out the new roll of Duck brand duct tape and told us it was just to keep us out of the way. It was one of many lies he told her that day.

Beth had closed her eyes after that first fatal blow but heard every other one and counted just as she was told. Her wrists throbbed from the bracelet her mother was wearing. He had bound their wrists together so hard that it was beginning to cut into her. Now she was holding up her mother’s heavy lifeless body. The warm blood pooled around her legs and soaked into her socks. Beth had come to a point of numbness. There’s only so much a person can consciously accept. Beth had reached her limit.

She heard the man walk off the old linoleum of the kitchen and into the newly carpeted hallway. Each door in the hall was swiftly opened and each room was thoroughly inspected for another victim. After she heard door number two open she realized he had four more doors and opened her eyes. She looked through the open doorway in front of her into the living room saw her younger sister by five years, Nina.

Nina was six and still crouched behind the big maroon and green striped chair in the living room. She was in the fetal position on the floor with her head tucked in her arms just as Beth had told her when she heard the window break. Beth hoped that her normally stubborn sister had also listened to her instructions to keep her eyes closed and be as silent as possible. Beth managed a whisper, “N-Nina.” It came out just loud enough for Nina to peek up at her. She imagined how hard it was going to be to explain the blood-covered kitchen to such a tender imagination. “Come here.” Beth watched as Nina promptly scooted out from behind the chair and tip-toed into the kitchen. Beth instructed Nina to hurriedly grab the pink scissors from the top drawer that was still open from the man’s exploration. Nina went and slid the scissors out from under all the papers and pens that had been stacking up for years now. “Now cut the tape real careful. They’re real sharp, Nini.” She had been calling Nina “Nini” since she was born. Nina had always responded better to her sister’s pet name.

Beth felt the tension of the tape loosen and stripped her hands away with no regard for the pain of the industrial adhesive on her bare skin. She scooped Nina into her arms and sprinted through the front door. It was so bright outside. It made her squint and the heat was comforting. It was such a beautiful day. Not a cloud in the sky. The girls and their mother were supposed to go the park that day. Nina had just gotten a new bike and they planned a trip to test it out at the park. All of them would ride together. They didn’t get many chances to do things as a family.

Now the girls ran. They ran across the normally busy street with no caution. Officer Holcomb had lived directly across the street from the girls for about three years now and had a young daughter of his own. Beth knew he was the answer. She ran through his front door, which was always unlocked, and into the Officer’s living room. Her and her sister stood in front of his whole family. Reddish-brown footprints trailed behind her from her still damp socks. She fell to her knees and wept on his floor as Nina told Mr. Holcomb that a bad man had broken their window. He didn’t say a word and Nina heard him load his gun as he was jogging through the yard. He would get him. It was over. She held her sister and continued to weep. She never got to tell her mother she loved her again. So she told Nina instead.

[Juggernaut]

"Cut the tape real careful". I'm not gonna care if I just saw someone stab my mother to death and is still in the house.

Beyond that it's good for a rought draft and you need counseling.

LOL kidding

[Mr. Clean]

eh well i figured an older sister talking to a 6 year old sister would try and remain calm and not want to get sliced wrists and shit lol.

and i feel so weird for writing this but i wanted to write it lol. i never write stuff like this so it was "fun" i guess. fun to step outside the box.

[Juggernaut]

eh well i figured an older sister talking to a 6 year old sister would try and remain calm and not want to get sliced wrists and shit lol.

and i feel so weird for writing this but i wanted to write it lol. i never write stuff like this so it was "fun" i guess. fun to step outside the box.I understand your point, I'm just saying. Seriously I would be like "cut the shit bitch and let's get the fuck outta here".

[Mr. Clean]

lulz

[quickdodge®]

“Four.”

Quotes are not needed unless this was vocalized in the story. If it was to be spoken, you need to follw or precede it with whomever stated it. If it was a thought, then the quotes still aren't needed, but it needs to go back to who thought it.


She had watched him slowly shuffle around the kitchen opening all the drawers looking for just he right utensil.

I'm not sure here, but I think there may need to be a comma or two in this sentence. Like maybe after the word kitchen and maybe drawers. Also, I don't know if this was just typo for this post, but I'm guessing at the end of the sentence it' supposed to be THE right utensil?


wiggling.

Wriggling might be a better word here.


Her mother never said a word after he flung open the door and pointed the gun in our faces. Never screamed, almost as if she was accepting her fate. Beth would never understand her mother’s lack of contest, but would also never try and think about it. Beth soon realized that was easier said than done. He pulled out the new roll of Duck brand duct tape and told us it was just to keep us out of the way. It was one of many lies he told her that day.

Ok, here you've switched back and forth from a couple of perspectives. You started off in third person possessive (her) then, in the same sentence, you went to first person possessive (our). If I remember correctly, you need to stay in one perspective.


Her wrists throbbed from THE bracelet her mother was wearing.

Added the bold word.



Nina was six and still crouched behind the big maroon and green striped chair in the living room.

Nina, six, was crouched behind....... I think that sounds/reads better. When you have a compound verb, both verbs should be the same type; like action.


and into the Officer’s living room.

I don't think "officer" is to be capitalized in this instance. he's not being addressed as an officer, only referred to as one.

These are my only points I see to comment on. Pretty cool story, too. Later, QD.

[Mr. Clean]

gracias. i saw you lurking and was ready for your fixes lol. thank you. and everything that you pointed out is valid. the whole perspectives thing is tricky. our professor keeps telling us to try new things and doesn't grade us at all. she only makes sure we did it and checks up on our revisions to make sure we are taking everything into consideration. but i like one perspective and i'll probably change it as you did lol.

[PSINXS]

no comma needed in the shuffling around the kitchen sentence. qd caught the rest.

[quickdodge®]

gracias. i saw you lurking and was ready for your fixes lol. thank you. and everything that you pointed out is valid. the whole perspectives thing is tricky. our professor keeps telling us to try new things and doesn't grade us at all. she only makes sure we did it and checks up on our revisions to make sure we are taking everything into consideration. but i like one perspective and i'll probably change it as you did lol.

Yeah, you did third person in the whole story except for that one time, lolol. And I just caught that straight on, lolol. And I'm no English teacher.


no comma needed in the shuffling around the kitchen sentence.

I have to disagree. Without a comma, it looks like one long, run-on sentence. But as I said above, I'm no teacher. It just doesn't look or read right. Later, QD.

[PSINXS]

Yeah, you did third person in the whole story except for that one time, lolol. And I just caught that straight on, lolol. And I'm no English teacher.



I have to disagree. Without a comma, it looks like one long, run-on sentence. But as I said above, I'm no teacher. It just doesn't look or read right. Later, QD.
and there is nothing wrong with that in college level english. as long as the sentence doesnt require a comma its not needed. its not a run on because the subject stays the same. I've encountered much longer sentences in professional writing with no commas. looks odd but still grammatically correct

[Kaiser]

Sorry if i repeat any comments, I didn't read the other posts :) Hope this is helpful!




934 Evernham Street

“Four.” He stabbed her four times. She’ll never forget because she counted out loud. She had watched him slowly shuffle around the kitchen comma opening all the drawers comma looking for just he right utensil. He finally settled upon the cutlet knife. Beth’s heart dropped as he turned to her and grinned. He knelt down and asked if she could count to four. Tears streamed down her face as she nodded. He had told her to show him how good she was at counting. The only consolation she had was that her mother clearly passed away after the first blow to the left side of her chest. She knew this because she felt her mother stop wiggling.
I would like to hear the conversation between the two of them, have the guy actually say to her "Can you count?" and perhaps add some feminine diminutive, like sweetie or honey. it adds creepiness. And if this guy is such a vivid memory, I want to hear his voice.

Her mother never said a word after he flung open the door and pointed the gun in our Your point of view switches from third to first person here, fix it. faces. Never screamed, almost as if she was accepting her fate. Beth would never understand her mother’s lack of contest, but would also never try and think about it. Obviously she will try, she's thinking about it right now. Beth soon realized that was easier said than done. Oh. He pulled out the new roll of Duck brand duct tape and told us Your point of view switches from third to first person here, fix it. it was just to keep us out of the way. It was one of many lies he told her that day. Night? Also, you never go back and finish this plot element, when the story ends, this is the only conversation she's had with the murderer...which would be only one lie.

Beth had closed her eyes after that first fatal blow I wouldn't use blow when talking about a stabbing. Knives don't usually make blows. Fists make blows, baseball bats make blows...knives don't make blows. Use a stabbier word. but heard every other one and counted just as she was told. Her wrists throbbed from the bracelet her mother was wearing. He had bound their wrists together so hard that it was beginning to cut into her. I think you can combine those last two sentences into one, more effective one. Now she was holding up her mother’s heavy comma lifeless body. The warm blood pooled around her legs and soaked into her socks. I was under the impression that she was standing, but then how would the blood pool around her legs? and if she's sitting, how would she really be holding up her mother, because the floor would be giving most of the support? Plus that's a lot of duct tape if the two of them are bound back-to-back sitting on their knees on the floor, and the murderer would have had to have told them to sit down specifically like that so he could tie them up. Perhaps you meant to say the blood pooled around her feet. Beth had come to a point of numbness. There’s only so much a person can consciously accept. Beth had reached her limit.

So let me get this straight. Dude throws their door open with a gun pointed to them, and then searches for a knife after pulling the duct tape from nowhere and binding them so he can stab her mother? If he's a sick freak that takes pleasure in stabbing, you should mention him setting the gun down on the kitchen table and telling them he wasn't going to hurt them with it.

She heard the man walk off the old linoleum of the kitchen and into the newly carpeted hallway. Each door in the hall was swiftly opened and each room was thoroughly inspected for another victim. I don't like your use of passive voice here. After she heard door number two open she realized he had four more doors and opened her eyes. She looked through the open doorway in front of her into the living room saw her younger sister by five years, Nina. WAY too many numbers in those last couple sentences. No one counts doors in their head in this situation. She should remember, perhaps, that he has "All the other bedroom doors to go" and should see her "baby" sister.

Nina was six This makes little sense. If she's six and something, the something should have something to do with the six, not be totally random. Maybe you could say "She was six years old, a baby yet, and blah blah blah" or "she was six, usually disobedient, but was still crouched where Beth told her to be..." and still crouched behind the big maroon and green striped chair in the living room. She was in the fetal position on the floor with her head tucked in her arms just as Beth had told her when she heard the window break. The window broke? I thought the door burst in? if they had advance warning why did Beth and her mom just stand there like dumbasses? This sounds like beth had enough time to yell "Nina! Go lay in the fetal position behind the maroon and green striped chair in the living room with your head tucked into your arms!" and if she had that much time, she had time to move. Especially if the murderer didn't hear her give that description, which he obviously did not, as he's now searching the house. Beth should rememeber saying something like "Nina! Get down!" and your description should reflect that. Beth hoped that her normally stubborn sister had also listened to her instructions to keep her eyes closed and be as silent as possible. Beth managed a whisper, “N-Nina.” It came out just loud enough for Nina to peek up at her. She imagined how hard it was going to be to explain the blood-covered kitchen to such a tender imagination. Uh, she's duct-taped to her mom's dead body and the kid just heard the exchange between Beth and the murderer, while Beth counted the killing blows. The bloody kitchen is the least of her worries. “Come here.” Beth watched as Nina promptly scooted out from behind the chair and tip-toed into the kitchen. She's not scared out of her mind? Sorry, but if I'm a six-year-old who just heard my mom get stabbed to death, I don't obediently scoot into the scene of the murder no matter who is calling me. Beth instructed Nina to hurriedly grab the pink scissors from the top drawer that was still open from the man’s exploration. You don't need to say that the drawer is still open, Nina should know where the scissors are kept. And I would like it if you typed this out as dialogue, rather than just saying what Beth said. Give me her voice! Nina went and slid the scissors out from under all the papers and pens that had been stacking up for years now. “Now cut the tape real careful. They’re real sharp, Nini.” She had been calling Nina “Nini” since she was born. Nina had always responded better to her sister’s pet name. I like this description, and the interruption with the bit of backstory. It shows the chaotic mass of thoughts running through Beth's mind.

So let me get this straight now. Dude breaks a window and then gives the family ample time to warn the little one but not for the older two to move before he bursts in the back door with a gun which he then proceeds not to use as he fingerprints all over her kitchen looking for a knife? Well i suppose smart people aren't criminals, after all...

Beth felt the tension of the tape loosen and stripped her hands away with no regard for the pain of the industrial adhesive on her bare skin. Or the sound it would make? She scooped Nina into her arms and sprinted through the front door. But not the open back door? I'm assuming it was the back door the murderer came in through, since front doors generally don't lead to kitchens. For a front door to be his point of entry, he would need to cross through another room to get to them, presumably the living room, where Nini is hiding. It was so bright outside. So it is daytime, then? I would specify that at the very beginning, since usually these stories are set at night. It made her squint and the heat was comforting. Why? She just stood up from a pool of warm blood. Shouldn't coolness be comforting? It was such a beautiful day. Not a cloud in the sky. The girls and their mother were supposed to go the park that day. Nina had just gotten a new bike and they planned a trip to test it out at the park. All of them would ride together. They didn’t get many chances to do things as a family. Again, I like this interruption that shows what's going through Beth's mind right now. It also shows the irony of this horriffic scene on a beautiful day. Very nice!

Now the girls ran. They ran across the normally busy street with no caution. Officer Holcomb had lived directly across the street from the girls for about three years now and had a young daughter of his own. Beth knew he was the answer. She ran through his front door, which was always unlocked, Really? a cop keeps his door unlocked? Seems like it would be better if she had a key, and ran to the back door and fumbled with it in nerves, and worried, and Nina's crying, and it's like that nightmare where something is chasing you and you can't move... and into the Officer’s living room. Her She and her sister stood in front of his whole family. That sounds like they're about to play charades or something. Maybe she "Burst in to his living room, finding his whole family on the couch, their eyes moving from the television to her" Reddish-brown footprints trailed behind her from her still hyphen damp socks. She fell to her knees and wept on his floor asNina told Mr. Holcomb that a bad man Really? She calls him a bad man? really? had broken their window. And burst through the door... He didn’t say a word and Nina heard him load his gun as he was jogging through the yard. Which he teleports to....? How'd he get outside? Does he watch TV with the gun on his hip, and if so, why doesn't he keep it loaded, what's the use of having it so close at hand otherwise? Is he Barney Fife, with the bullet in his shirt-pocket? Also, Nina knows what it sounds like to load a gun? He would get him. Use at least one name here, it's confusing. It was over. She held her sister and continued to weep. She never got to tell her mother she loved her again. So she told Nina instead. I don't like that sentence to end it...sounds sort of contrived, doesn't show the emotion, and the last she you talk about is Nina, but then you switch to talking about beth, which creates pronoun-antecedent confusion. Perhaps you could say something like "Beth cried as she pulled her baby sister to her, her tears falling into the little girl's hair. She wouldn't ever get to tell her mother "I love you" again, and Nini wouldn't either. She pulled Nini closer, and whispered it to her instead, still weeping"

[Kaiser]

and there is nothing wrong with that in college level english. as long as the sentence doesnt require a comma its not needed. its not a run on because the subject stays the same. I've encountered much longer sentences in professional writing with no commas. looks odd but still grammatically correct

You are wrong, good sir. The sentence in question is this:

"She had watched him slowly shuffle around the kitchen opening all the drawers looking for just the right utensil"

In this sentence, the man does three things: He slowly shuffles, he opens the drawers, and he looks for the right utensil. Rephrased, Beth watched him slowly shuffle around the room. She watched him opening all the drawers. She watched him looking for the right utensil. The author combines these three sentences down to one, and lists the three things the man does. And as I'm sure you learned in elementary school, elements in a list must always be separated by commas.

Your comment about "if the comma is not required it's not needed" is valid, but in this case the commas are required. I think in my correction of the sentence I left out one of the two commas that are needed. Oops...I'll edit that when the database is done being PMS-y.

Also, a run-on sentence is not defined or qualified by the subject thereof. The sentence "I went to the store I got milk" is a run-on, despite the subject of both being the same. A run-on sentence is defined as two independent clauses which are joined together with nothing between them. A comma splice is two independent clauses which are joined together with a comma. This sentence is not a run-on without the commas; it is simply a sentence which is missing a couple of necessary commas.


[Edit: Regardless of whether or not the commas are needed, anyway, adding them adds to the feel of the story, IMHO. It places meticulous and intentional pauses in the flow, as though the murderer is meticulously and thoroughly performing the actions. Just because something isn't needed doesn't mean it won't help. But I still argue that it's needed :D]

[Mr. Clean]

Sorry if i repeat any comments, I didn't read the other posts :) Hope this is helpful!

real life reps to you sir. i love every edit you've made. this is exactly why i posted this up. i knew there would be someone that would be able to improve it rather than hurt it.

everyone else had very good edits, but this whole post was full of amazingness. i almost feel like i need to give you credit in my paper now lol.

thanks again sir, and thank you also to all the others who actually read it and helped me out.

[Ran]

IA, your #1 online editor. lol

Very cool story. I can't really offer any advice that hasn't already been though.

[mushroom_toy]

I would have put four in italics. Good story though....would have never know it came out of you lol. I dont know if i would have left duck brand duct tape in there either...would have probably just left it as duct tape.

[Mr. Clean]

ooooooo i used all of your edits, Kaiser and QD.

10 fucking thumbs up. it makes much more sense now and flows much better.

you all are the jam. and i love you both.

no homo.

[Kaiser]

If you want to post a second draft, I'll happy edit that too and make sure your grammar is flawless, you know, guarantee that A.

Plus i wanna see how it came out :)

[Friggintitsman]

TL/FWI

[Mr. Clean]

934 Evernham Street

“Four”, she murmured. He had stabbed her mother four times. She’ll never forget because she counted out loud. She had watched him slowly shuffle around the kitchen, opening all the drawers, looking for just he right utensil. He finally settled upon the cutlet knife. Beth’s heart dropped as he turned to her and grinned. He knelt down and got face to face with her, “Can you count to four?” Tears streamed down her face as she nodded. “Well show me how good you can count, sweet-heart. If you don’t think you can do it just ask. I’m pretty sure I remember.” He wiped the knife with his gloved hand and smirked again as he stood up and moved toward her mother. The only consolation she had was that her mother clearly passed away after the knife sliced through the left side of her chest. She knew this because she felt her stop wriggling.

Her mother never said a word after he flung open the door and pointed the gun in their faces. Never screamed, almost as if she was accepting her fate. Beth would never understand her mother’s lack of contest, but would also never try and think about it. Beth soon realized that was easier said than done. He put the gun in his belt and slid the new roll of cellophane wrapped duct tape off his wrist and told her it was just to keep them out of the way, and proceeded to guide them into the kitchen. She knew that was a lie. She also knew there were probably going to be few truths out of this mans mouth. He forced them to sit in the middle of the floor with their legs out in front of them and back to back.

Beth had closed her eyes after that first fatal wound but heard every other one and counted just as she was told. Her wrists throbbed from the charm bracelet her mother was wearing. He had bound their wrists together so hard that it was beginning to cut into her. Now she was leaning against her mother’s heavy lifeless body. The warm blood pooled around her legs and soaked into her socks. Beth had come to a point of numbness. There’s only so much a person can consciously accept. Beth had reached her limit.

She heard the man walk off the old linoleum of the kitchen and into the newly carpeted hallway. She heard her bedroom door swiftly open and, after hearing a few minutes of rummaging, assumed he was thoroughly inspecting for another victim. After she heard Nina’s door open she knew he had her mother’s room and the bathroom left and opened her eyes. She looked through the open doorway in front of her into the living room saw her baby sister.

Nina was five years younger than Beth at six and still crouched behind the big maroon and green striped chair in the living room. She was still in the fetal position on the floor with her head tucked in her arms as she had done when she heard the side door’s window break. Beth hoped that her normally stubborn sister had kept her eyes closed through her mother’s murder. Beth managed a whisper, “N-Nina.” It came out just loud enough for Nina to peek up at her. She imagined how hard it was going to be to explain the kitchen covered in her mother’s blood to such a tender imagination. “Come here.” Beth watched as Nina promptly scooted out from behind the chair and timidly walked into the kitchen. Tears swelled in her eyes, “What’s wrong with momma?” Beth lied, “She’s ok, Nini but I need you to help us.” She had been calling Nina “Nini” since she was born. Nina had always responded better to her sister’s pet-name. She told Nina to hurriedly grab the pink scissors from the top drawer. Luckily it was still open from the man’s exploration as the drawers were normally extremely noisy. Nina went and slid the scissors out from under all the papers and pens that had been stacking up for years now. “Hurry up and cut the tape, Nini.”

It sounded like ripping paper as she stripped her hands away with no regard for the pain of the industrial adhesive on her bare skin. She scooped Nina into her arms and sprinted out of the kitchen and through the front door. It was so bright outside. It made her squint and the July heat was searing, but it was such a beautiful day. Not a cloud in the sky. The girls and their mother were supposed to go the park that day. Nina had just gotten a new bike and they planned a trip to test it out at the park. All of them would ride together. They didn’t get many chances to do things as a family.

Now the girls ran. They ran across the normally busy street with no caution. Officer Holcomb had lived directly across the street from the girls for about three years now and had a young daughter of his own. Beth knew he was the answer. She ran to his front door and jiggled the handle, which was normally unlocked during the day. To her relief it was and she opened it and stumbled into the officer’s living room. She and her sister stood in front of his whole family. Beth’s reddish-brown still blood-soaked socks were bleeding into the carpet as she stood at the threshold. The Holcomb’s turned, shocked, from the TV to the sisters. Beth fell to her knees and wept on his floor as Nina told Mr. Holcomb that a man had broken their window and her mother was hurt. He didn’t say a word and ran to his bedroom. He came back through the living room with his shiny polished handgun and told his wife to lock the door behind him and for everyone to stay put. He loaded his gun as he was jogging through the yard toward 934 Evernham Street. Beth knew Mr. Holcomb would stop him. It was over. Beth cried as she pulled her baby sister to her, her tears falling into the Nina’s curly brown hair. She wouldn't ever get to tell her mother "I love you" again, and Nini wouldn't either. She pulled Nini closer, and whispered it to her instead, still weeping.

[quickdodge®]

[CENTER] He put the gun in his belt and slid the new roll of cellophane wrapped duct tape off his wrist and told her it was just to keep them out of the way, and proceeded to guide them into the kitchen.

He put the gun in his belt, slid the new roll of duct tape off his wrist, telling her that it was just to keep them out of the way, then proceeded to guide them into the kitchen.

This is how I see it....Too many unnecessary conjunctions, my friend. And the description of the duct tape makes it too wordy.


Now she was leaning against her mother’s heavy lifeless body.

Comma after heavy.


Nina was five years younger than Beth at six

Maybe put "Five years younger than Beth, Nina, 6, had remained crouched...."


The girls and their mother were supposed to go the park that day. Nina had just gotten a new bike and they planned a trip to test it out at the park.

I don't see the need to mention "the park" again (in the second sentence). Maybe end the second sentence with just "test it out" or "test it out there."

These are just my thoughts and opinions, you know. Other than that, you did quite a good improvement on it. Later, QD.

[Buttons]

I have to disagree. Without a comma, it looks like one long, run-on sentence. But as I said above, I'm no teacher. It just doesn't look or read right. Later, QD.

You are right I believe.. But the phrases should all be parallel. like how opening and looking are both -ing verbs... i forgot the technical terms.

[quickdodge®]

You are right I believe.

I know I am. Later, QD.

[MINI]

IA + English = Fail

lol its amazing how many people are helping though.

[quickdodge®]

IA + English = Fail

lol its amazing how many people are helping though.

You + your car = "insert any derogatory insult known to man"

Know what you're speaking about before you speak, dummy.

-35 and -http://www.importatlanta.com/forums/images/reputation/reputation_pos.gif

Later, QD.