lolol women jokes

[Arm&hammer]

official thread for all your women jokes.
these might be a repost but who cares.
and women on this site don't get offended.

Why do only 10% of women go to heaven?
Because if all of them went it would be hell.

How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
None. It should be open by the time she brings it.

Why is a Launderette a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to keep you in the manner to which you've become accustomed.

How can you tell when your wife is really aroused in bed?
She puts down her nail file.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something really clever?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me.."

How do you repair a woman's watch?
You don't need to. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is shouting through the letter box, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.

I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 95%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
Because they want to.

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created
Man and rested. Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

[collins]

Eh... Those are OK... I like racial jokes better LOL

[Maverick]

what do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes? nothing youve already told her twice
why shouldnt women be allowed to drive? because their are no roads between the bedroom and the kitchen

[Arm&hammer]

hahahahaha lolol

[redrumracer]

Eh... Those are OK... I like racial jokes better LOL
yes they are but these have a place also

[AtifSajid]

test

[collins]

WTF ATIF!!!! where the hell you been man?!?!?! hit me up foo! i dont think i have your number anymore... gotta new phone

[Elbow]

I made a small laughter sound at this one How do you know when a woman is about to say something really clever?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me.."

[TheGodfather]

I enjoy them.

MOAR PLOX!

Women generally suck. They are good for sex and chores, nothing else really.

[Alan®]

I enjoy them.

MOAR PLOX!

Women generally suck. They are good for sex and chores, nothing else really.
you also forgot headaches

[VooDooXII]

Women are jokes.

[ARFNSX]

Eh... Those are OK... I like racial jokes better LOL


Yeah, I bet you do :2up:

[Psycho]

The clock on the oven one was pretty funny.

[Arm&hammer]

Moar?

Ten reason why a gun is better than a women.

#10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.

#9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

#8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup.

#6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of ammo.

#5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

#4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.

#3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

#2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN . . .
You can buy a silencer for a handgun.

[Maverick]

hahah thats awesome

[Arm&hammer]

come on guys post up.
i know 80% of you guys have jokes.

W.I.F.E. Working Ironing Fucking Etc.

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower?
Give her a shovel

why don't women need an umbrelle?
it doesnt rain between the bedroom and the kitchen

how many men does it take to change a lightbulb?
none the bitch can cook in the dark

What's the use-less skin around the vagina called?
A woman!

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side

[G.C]

Why is beer better than a women?

-A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer

-When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer
-a beer won't get upset if you come home and have beer on your breath

-you dont have to wine and dine a beer

-hangovers go away

-when your finished with a beer, the bottle is still worth .05

-You dont have to wash a beer before it tastes good

-you can share a beer with your friends

-beer is always wet

-you always know your the first one to pop a beer

-you can have more than one beer and not feel guilty.

-you can enjoy a beer all month long.

[amandDA]

those are funny...

[willum14pb]

they're all sooooo old and posted a million times, but i love the reminders, lolol. great.

[ed_gm90]

What's the use-less skin around the vagina called?
A woman!



LMAO reps for you.

[Arm&hammer]

they're all sooooo old and posted a million times, but i love the reminders, lolol. great.

i know. but i thought most of them were pretty funny.

[Danzo]

how many men does it take to change a lightbulb?
none the bitch can cook in the dark

What's the use-less skin around the vagina called?
A woman!



Those two are win haha. MOAR!

[bookthief]

Definately a repost.
Majority are old, but they're o.k.
These are good too...

Men Are Like...
... Blenders.
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

... Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

... Coffee.
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.

... Commercials.
You can't believe a word they say.

... Computers.
Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

... Coolers.
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

... Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

... Curling Irons.
They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.

... Government Bonds.
They take way too long to mature.

... Horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

... Lava Lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

... Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

... Parking Spots.
The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are either handicapped or extremely small.

... Popcorn.
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

... Weather.
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

[Arm&hammer]

Definately a repost.

Men Are Like...
... Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.



:lmfao:true

[Farrow2005]

Eh... Those are OK... I like racial jokes better LOL

Hi5, and not just black racial jokes.

[j0nbunklah0m]

bump for a good read lol!

[Arm&hammer]

Hi5, and not just black racial jokes.

but black people have the most racial jokes.

[Sammich]

awesome thread is awesome

[Jbauer]

... Parking Spots.
The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are either handicapped or extremely small.

:eek:







:2up:

[Spectic Tank]

What's the first thing a woman does when she get's home from a 'Battered Wives Shelter'?


The dishes, if she knows what's good for her...