People say dumb things..

[Spyder]

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

``````````````````````````````````
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey

````````````
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
`````````````````````````````````````````````````
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
`````````````````````````````````````````````

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
`````````````````````````````

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
`````````````````````````````````````````! ```````````

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.
````````````````````````````

"Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
``````````````````````````````````

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President (DUH !)
```````````````````
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle
``````````

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"--Lee Iacocca
```````````
"The word 'genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like
Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.
````````````````````````````````````````````
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor.
`````````````````````````````````
"If we don't succeed, we run the ris! k of failure." --Bill Clinton, Pres ident
``````````````````
"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
--Al Gore, VP (damn he's smart)
````````````````
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
``````````````````````
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 be! cause we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
````````````````````````````````````````````
"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

Some of these I thought were funny, others not so much.

[A1EX]

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey


why would someone say something like this

[5thgcelica]

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 be! cause we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina


LMAO

[B16a2 Civic]

Lol @
Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

[RandomGuy]

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey

LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LLLLLLL

Im like those kids without the flies and death and stuff, right Nick?

[kelly marie]

lol here are some more i got in an email...

Q: Are you sexually active?
> A: No, I just lie there.
> __________________________________
> Q: What is your date of birth?
> A: July 15th.
> Q: What year?
> A: Every year.
> ______________________________________
> Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the
> impact?
> A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> ______________________________________
> Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
> memory at all?
> A: Yes.
> Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> A: I forget.
> Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of
> something that you've
> forgotten?
> _____________________________________
> Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
> A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember
> which.
> Q: How long has he lived with you?
> A: Forty-five years.
> _____________________________________
> Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you
> when he woke up
> that
> morning?
> A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
> Q: And why did that upset you?
> A: My name is Susan.
> ______________________________________
> Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been
> involved in voodoo or
> the
> cult?
>
>
> A: We both do.
> Q: Voodoo?
> A: We do.
> Q: You do?
> A: Yes, voodoo.
> _______________ _______________________
> Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies
> in his sleep, he
> doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> ___________________________________
> Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is
> he?
> _____________________________________
> Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> ______________________________________
> Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was
> August 8th?
> A: Yes.
> Q: And what were you doing at that time?
> ______________________________________
> Q: She had three children, right?
> A: Yes.
> Q: How many were boys?
> A: None.
> Q: Were there any girls?
> ______________________________________
> Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
> A: By death.
> Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
> _________ _____________________________
> Q: Can you describe the individual?
> A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> Q: Was this a male, or a female?
> ______________________________________
> Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to
> a deposition notice
> which I sent to your attorney?
> A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> ______________________________________
> Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on
> dead people?
> A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
> ______________________________________
> Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school
> did you go to?
> A: Oral.
> ______________________________________
> Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the
> body?
> A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at! the time?
> A: No, he was sitting on the tab le wondering why I
> was doing an autopsy.
> ______________________________________
> Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> ______________________________________
> Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
> check for a pulse?
> A: No.
> Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
> A: No.
> Q: Did you check for breathing?
> A: No.
> Q: So, then it is possible that the patient ! was
> alive when you began
> the
> autopsy?
> A: No.
> Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a
> jar.
> Q: But could the patient have still been alive,
> nevertheless?
> A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
> and practicing
> law
> somewhere.

[BTEC]

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.

well git to kick u JACKASS!!

[5thgcelica]

this one cracks me up everytime..

lol
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
> check for a pulse?
> A: No.
> Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
> A: No.
> Q: Did you check for breathing?
> A: No.
> Q: So, then it is possible that the patient ! was
> alive when you began
> the
> autopsy?
> A: No.
> Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a
> jar.
> Q: But could the patient have still been alive,
> nevertheless?
> A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
> and practicing
> law
> somewhere.

[B16a2 Civic]

dumb person on the phone here at work:


me: to make changes you would have to submit it in writing.
policy holder: like on paper?

....i was just silent untill she asked the next question

[RandomGuy]

dumb person on the phone
me: to make changes you would have to submit it in writing.
policy holder: like on paper?

....i was just silent untill she asked the next question
you shoulda been like no, send a video tape of you spelling it out in the air

[Spyder]

LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LLLLLLL

Im like those kids without the flies and death and stuff, right Nick?

Just like them lol.

[B16a2 Civic]

you shoulda been like no, send a video tape of you spelling it out in the air
:lmao: that would be so fuckin funny

[Spyder]

you shoulda been like no, send a video tape of you spelling it out in the air

with a sparkler while hopping on one lag and singing im a little tea pot lol.

[BTEC]

GOOD ONES XTERRA, ESPECIALLY THE LAST ONE.

[B16a2 Civic]

Xterra is a thread jacker

-1

[T-Mo Goodie]

Wow those were funny

[kelly marie]

thanks btec and b you suck!!! im not in a good moond today.... :(

[B16a2 Civic]

thanks btec and b you suck!!! im not in a good moond today.... :(


+2

see, i upped ya one, sorry ya feel bad, hope it gets better

[kelly marie]

thank you sugar... :o

[5thgcelica]

i +1ed u too!

do i get love? lol ;)

[kelly marie]

do i get love? lol ;)
:kiss: thank you!

[5thgcelica]

:kiss: thank you!



score! :D

[ahmonrah]

lol here are some more i got in an email...

Q: Are you sexually active?
> A: No, I just lie there.
> __________________________________
> Q: What is your date of birth?
> A: July 15th.
> Q: What year?
> A: Every year.
> ______________________________________
> Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the
> impact?
> A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> ______________________________________
> Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
> memory at all?
> A: Yes.
> Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> A: I forget.
> Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of
> something that you've
> forgotten?
> _____________________________________
> Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
> A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember
> which.
> Q: How long has he lived with you?
> A: Forty-five years.
> _____________________________________
> Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you
> when he woke up
> that
> morning?
> A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
> Q: And why did that upset you?
> A: My name is Susan.
> ______________________________________
> Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been
> involved in voodoo or
> the
> cult?
>
>
> A: We both do.
> Q: Voodoo?
> A: We do.
> Q: You do?
> A: Yes, voodoo.
> _______________ _______________________
> Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies
> in his sleep, he
> doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> ___________________________________
> Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is
> he?
> _____________________________________
> Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> ______________________________________
> Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was
> August 8th?
> A: Yes.
> Q: And what were you doing at that time?
> ______________________________________
> Q: She had three children, right?
> A: Yes.
> Q: How many were boys?
> A: None.
> Q: Were there any girls?
> ______________________________________
> Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
> A: By death.
> Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
> _________ _____________________________
> Q: Can you describe the individual?
> A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> Q: Was this a male, or a female?
> ______________________________________
> Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to
> a deposition notice
> which I sent to your attorney?
> A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> ______________________________________
> Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on
> dead people?
> A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
> ______________________________________
> Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school
> did you go to?
> A: Oral.
> ______________________________________
> Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the
> body?
> A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at! the time?
> A: No, he was sitting on the tab le wondering why I
> was doing an autopsy.
> ______________________________________
> Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> ______________________________________
> Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
> check for a pulse?
> A: No.
> Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
> A: No.
> Q: Did you check for breathing?
> A: No.
> Q: So, then it is possible that the patient ! was
> alive when you began
> the
> autopsy?
> A: No.
> Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a
> jar.
> Q: But could the patient have still been alive,
> nevertheless?
> A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
> and practicing
> law
> somewhere.
heres your sign ............:lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao:

[Brett]

LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LLLLLLL

Im like those kids without the flies and death and stuff, right Nick?

I knew she was a stupid cunt!! LOL

[IndianStig]

lol at all the jokes, good job