View Full Version : jokes
boosted1jz
08-17-2005, 09:06 PM
A man leaves home to go fight in the Crusades and decides that his wife should wear a chastity belt in his absence. So he locks her up and gives the key to his best friend.
He tells him, "If I'm not back in four years, unlock my wife and set her free to live a normal life."
The husband leaves on horseback and about half an hour later, he sees a cloud of dust behind him. He waits for it to come closer and sees his best friend.
"What's wrong?", he asks.
"You gave me the wrong key."
boosted1jz
08-17-2005, 09:06 PM
1. What is the best thing about dating a homeless woman?
You can drop her off anywhere.
2. What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.
3. What should a woman say to a man she's just had sex with?
Whatever she wants. He's sleeping.
4. Where does virgin wool come from?
Ugly sheep.
5. How do you spot the blind man at a nudist colony?
It isn't hard.
6. How can you make your wife mad while making love?
Call her from your cell phone.
7. What does the bride of a Polish man get that's long and hard on
her wedding night?
His last name.
8. What's the down side to a threesome?
You'll likely disappoint two women instead of just one.
9. How do you know you're really ugly?
Dogs close their eyes when they're humping your leg.
10. Why are hurricanes named after women?
Because they arrive wet and wild, then leave with your house and car.
11. What's the similarity between a hurricane and an Alabama divorce?
Somebody's gonna' lose a trailer
kilpatty43
08-17-2005, 09:07 PM
lol thats awesome
Julio
08-17-2005, 09:10 PM
10. Why are hurricanes named after women?
Because they arrive wet and wild, then leave with your house and car.
bhwhahha
99ITRGIRL
08-17-2005, 09:22 PM
:lmfao:
D16Civic
08-17-2005, 09:53 PM
HAHAHAHAHA :lmfao:
Kristi
08-18-2005, 09:00 AM
those are good.
hurricanes are named after men too tho! lol
B16a2 Civic
08-18-2005, 09:35 AM
those are good.
hurricanes are named after men too tho! lol
-1
Kristi
08-18-2005, 09:57 AM
:(
B16a2 Civic
08-18-2005, 10:12 AM
:(
i kidd i kiddd
Bishop
08-18-2005, 10:22 AM
5. How do you spot the blind man at a nudist colony?
It isn't hard.
HAhahahaha
silver
08-18-2005, 10:27 AM
Repost....
:lmfao:
B16a2 Civic
08-18-2005, 10:28 AM
Repost....
:lmfao:
hate hate hate hate hate hate hate.
so, are you puttin your car into nopi or going?
silver
08-18-2005, 10:30 AM
Im going to be haging with the spectators... it would be pointless to put my car in lol :lmfao:
B16a2 Civic
08-18-2005, 10:32 AM
Im going to be haging with the spectators... it would be pointless to put my car in lol :lmfao:
Lol, to be honest, im only puttin mine in so its not in the parking lot to possibly get stolen, plus im going half on registration with a friend...so i figure i save some worrying time...the ticket prices are about the same for 2 day right?
25=2 day pass (how it was when i entered my old hatch in 03)
silver
08-18-2005, 10:34 AM
Lol, to be honest, im only puttin mine in so its not in the parking lot to possibly get stolen, plus im going half on registration with a friend...so i figure i save some worrying time...the ticket prices are about the same for 2 day right?
25=2 day pass (how it was when i entered my old hatch in 03)
Not sure... I am riding in with someone that is showing and using their extra ticket and just splitting the cost of registration... So my car will not be there. If I drive it down it will stay at the hotel...
B16a2 Civic
08-18-2005, 10:35 AM
Not sure... I am riding in with someone that is showing and using their extra ticket and just splitting the cost of registration... So my car will not be there. If I drive it down it will stay at the hotel...
yup, thats what im doing Lol...maybe we'll run into each other
boosted1jz
08-18-2005, 10:50 AM
damnit y do MY threads always get hijacked?!?!?!?
Bishop
08-18-2005, 10:52 AM
every thread gets hijacked in the whores lounge
B16a2 Civic
08-18-2005, 10:57 AM
[end hijack /].....consider those some free bumps...you kno you my boy boosted....always come thru with the funnay
boosted1jz
08-18-2005, 12:36 PM
well since i have been UNhijacked LOL
heres some more funnnnny :D
<acidwar> last night, tony and I decided to stop off on the way to the party to get some beer
<acidwar> we come out of the shop a few minutes later and there's a parking guy writing a ticket
<acidwar> tony goes up to him and asks him what the ticket's for, parking guy explains that the car is parked in a no standing zone
<acidwar> tony starts abusing him and tells him to cram it up his ass, so the guy writes a ticket for abusing him
<Nuzzler> haha
<acidwar> so tony gets up him even more, and every time he says something the guy writes another ticket
<acidwar> 14 tickets later, the guy gives up and walks off
<dendyh0> ...
<acidwar> and we both PISS ourselves laughing as we walk back to tony's car around the corner, leaving some poor bastard with 14 parking fines :D
<dendyh0> AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
<Nuzzler> ROFL!!
<Ali_mastah> so our exam finishes and i go to hand my paper in about 2 mins late, and the tite-arsed teacher says "sorry no more exams to be handed in it's too late you get zero" so i go "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!" and she goes all cocky and says "no, i do not" so i go "good" i pick up the papers and slid my exam in somewhere in the middle of them all.
these arent as funny..... but i am unable to search as much right now :( sorry kids
HalfBaked
08-18-2005, 12:39 PM
Whats the opposite of Christopher Reeves?
-Christopher Walken!
Whats the hardest part about eating vegetables?
-Dealing with the wheelchair!
Whats the hardest part about eating vegetables?
-Dealing with the wheelchair!
Get your own material!!!
boosted1jz
08-18-2005, 04:18 PM
Subject: Golf Sniper
Two old friends are just about to tee off at their local golf course when a guy calls out,
"Mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up."
Sure," they said. So they start playing and the newcomer turns out to be a good guy.
Part way around the course, one of the friends asks him, "What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a hit man."
"You're joking!"
"Nope," he said, reaching into his golf bag and pulling out a Martini sniper's rifle with a
large telescopic sight. "My tools."
"That's a beautiful scope," said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be
able to see my house from here."
So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight. "Yeah, there's my house all right. This thing's fantastic. I can see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha --she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her.
He's naked, too!!! The bitch!" He turned to the hit man, "How much do you charge for
a hit?"
"I do a flat rate. A thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger."
"Can I order two?"
"Sure, what do you want?"
"First, shoot my wife. She never shuts up, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor. He's a friend of mine, and just a kid, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson."
The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes.
"Are you going to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently.
"Shhh," said the hit man calmly, "I think I can save you a grand here."
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