quickdodge®
08-12-2005, 01:54 PM
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in loveand got married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender
says, "I'll serve you,but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a
salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt
under his arm and says:"A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to
the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green
Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a
field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The
kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the
other day but I couldn't find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious
accident. He shouted,"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know youcan't - I've cut off your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and
pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one
turns to the other and says "Dam!".
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so
they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once
again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off.
"Because", he said, "I can't
stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The
other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan
sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the
picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of
Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
he also ate verylittle, which made him rather frail and with hisodd diet, he suffered
from bad breath. This made him... A super callousedfragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent
twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the
puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
Later, QD.
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender
says, "I'll serve you,but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a
salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt
under his arm and says:"A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to
the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green
Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a
field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The
kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the
other day but I couldn't find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious
accident. He shouted,"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know youcan't - I've cut off your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and
pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one
turns to the other and says "Dam!".
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so
they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once
again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off.
"Because", he said, "I can't
stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The
other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan
sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the
picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of
Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
he also ate verylittle, which made him rather frail and with hisodd diet, he suffered
from bad breath. This made him... A super callousedfragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent
twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the
puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
Later, QD.