RandomGuy
01-13-2008, 10:42 PM
How To Get Out of A Speeding Ticket (v2.0)
Kids, this is your Uncle Ernie talking here. And your Uncle Ernie's gonna do you a big favor. I'm going to share my years of wisdom and tell you how to get out of a speeding ticket. And trust me -- I know what works -- since starting to drive eleven years ago at the ripe old age of 17, I've been pulled over seventeen -- yes I say again seventeen -- times. Been issued only four tickets. Beat three of em. And the one I didn't beat? I was young and didn't know any better -- just mailed my check in like a dumb ass.
But first, as a preface, let me first speak to the lead footed speed happy engine banger who weaves in and out of traffic stomping on the gas pedal and wont let up until you hear glass and smell sh*t -- I hope you hit a tree and die. Slowly. Alone. In pain.
Let me now speak to the forty-six law enforcement officers on the list (and potentially more if there are any of you who haven't identified yourselves as such...). No, I'm not going to tell anyone to get some whiz bang Binford Radar Detector 9000, and try to pull some 'did you use your tuning fork on your radar gun' bullsh*t after you pull them over. Quite the contrary, you'll see. I'm sure that should you pull over someone who follows all of my guidelines, you'll more then likely let them off with a warning.
I am speaking to the majority of us. The casual every day driver who assumes that a 55 mile per hour speed limit means you can do 65, and the as long as I'm driving with the flow of traffic I'm ok, kind of driver. Because let's be honest, nobody ever does exactly the speed limit anymore.
I'm going to present this wonderful article in five parts.
I. How to not get pulled over for speeding - by avoiding the problem, we render the need to weasel out of a speeding ticket unnecessary, right?
II. How to react in case you do get pulled over for speeding - what are the do's and don'ts when under the prying eyes of Officer Friendly.
III. What do to if you're a balloonhead and get a speeding ticket - loser. But not all is lost, as you can still minimize the damage.
IV. Miscellaneous tidbits - Random factoids and suggestions that don't fit anywhere else.
V. Case Studies - Some of the more memorable times I've been pulled over and what's worked and what hasn't worked
Part I. How to not get pulled over for speeding.
(a). Well, the Captain Obvious answer he is simple -- don't speed. With highway speeding tickets at 65 mph in almost all states, there's really no need to -- you can easily cruise along at 70mph and not a cop in sight will bother you. Late for work? Leave earlier. Gotta get to the store before it closes? Leave earlier. Trying to make good time on that trip to go see mom and dad? Think of how much time you'll lose when you're in your holding cell getting your buttery corn hole gang raped by a bunch of drunk bikers. And if you want to speed through a residential area? Just don't. PERIOD. That's just stupid. My father's a truck driver and by proxy, an excellent driving teacher (also taught me the in's and out's of swearing...trust me when I say he's a good teacher). He always taught me to drive through residential areas like some drooling kid is going to leap out from behind every parked car and chase down his bouncing red ball. I've been driving for ten years, and I STILL follow that rule. Places where people live, work, go to school, and play, are off limits to the zoom-zoom driver. Period. The two or three minutes you might save by hitting light speed through the back roads, as compared to the amount of time you'll spend in jail for running over little Drooling Johnny is *nothing*. If whoever is waiting for you can't stand you being two or three minutes late... then forget em.
(b). Radar Detectors. Useless. Junk. Ka-ka. Nothing but electronic gadgetry designed to give you a false sense of security. I've been pulled over more times with a radar detector, then without. I finally ended up giving it away to my brother, because I didn't want it anymore. For starters, let me first introduce you to instant on or pulse radar, and then to laser guns (LIDAR). Each of which by the time you detect them... Officer Friendly is already filling out your speeding ticket. Radar Detectors make you feel like you're the baddest mf'er out there. They make you feel like you can drive balls to the wall because you've got a clean signal. Clean signal? Well, tell me just how clean your shorts are when you get those flashing lights in your rear view mirror. Pulse radar, laser, even helicopters that track your speed by those white lines marked on the highway all render your snazzy new radar detector virtually useless. And when you do get pulled over, and you do have those bright LEDs and beeping tones when the officer walks up to your window... YOU try and convince him you were speeding by accident.
(c). Your eyes. Are the best radar/laser/cop/accident/hazard detectors you have. Keep your eyes open. Watch the sides of the road for cars pulled over. Watch you rear view mirror for those familiar headlights of the Crown Victoria, LTD, Caprice Classic. (If your state uses other unmarked police cars like Mass does -- you're screwed -- good luck). Early Warning Radar -- watch for brake lights coming on the cars that are ahead of you -- what do they see that you don't? Besides, you want to ease up off you speed when approaching a car on the side of the road anyway, because Drooling Johnny could be chasing a spare tire. Also watch for other passenger vehicles driving towards you, which are flashing their headlights. They're trying to warn you about something ahead -- maybe something in the road, accident ... or a cop running radar from the bushes.
(d) Flow of traffic. Think that you're invulnerable just because you're driving with the flow of traffic? Well, my answer to this is simple and was most eloquently described in a fishing joke. Cop pulls a guy over for speeding, whose defense was, I was just going with the flow of traffic. Cop's response... Ever go fishing? -- Yeah -- Ever catch ALL the fish? -- Catch my drift? The “I was going with the flow of traffic defense doesn't work. More on that later.
(e) Lane choice. Simple. Left lane bad. Middle lane good. Right lane bad (unless there's no middle lane, in that case right lane good). Cops running radar on the side of the road will hit the outer lanes first. Besides the middle lane drive at a more reasonable pace, so see rule 1A above.
Part II. How to react in case you do get pulled over for speeding
(a) 90% of the cops out there are NOT a**holes.
(b) 90% of the cops out there are NOT a**holes.
(c) Let me say this one more time... Cops are not a**holes. If one has pulled you over? Guess what dumb ****, you deserved to be pulled over. You were speeding. This whole, I wasn't speeding you must have measured someone else excuse? Bullsh*t. Your radar readings were off because I was too close to high power lines. Donkey Dumplings. The purpose of a cop on traffic duty is not to arbitrarily bust the balls of anyone doing 56 in a 55 zone. The purpose of a cop on traffic duty is not to blindly sweep the broadsword of justice in an attempt top raise revenue for his town. The purpose of a cop on traffic duty is to keep the a**holes who do drive their cars like nut jobs from smashing into the vehicles filled with our moms, dads, wives, husbands, and children. If a cop pulls you over, there's a reason. Don't be a piece of sh*t and deny it, because you're only kidding yourself. Bottom line was you WERE speeding. Be it by 5, 15, or 500 miles an hour, you were speeding. So shut the hell up and take your medicine.
(d) Cops Safety. This is the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR. I can NOT stress this enough. How many times have we seen those police video clips where a cop pulls over a car for a burned out taillight, goes up to the driver's side window and gets shot 4,295 times by the wacked out drug delirious **** wad behind the wheel? Lots of times? Well guess what... so have the cops. If you are unlucky enough to get pulled over, one of the best things you can do in your defense, is to let the officer know you're not a threat to him. Before he approaches your window... have BOTH hands on the wheel where he can see them. Turn your radio off. Have anyone in the car with you put their hands in a visible position. If there's a pair of cops, one approaching each side of your car, put BOTH windows down. If its night time, turn your interior lights on. If your windows are tinted, lower ALL your windows. If it's raining and you're going to get your imported Italian sheepskin leather seats wet -- too bad. The cop's going to be in a much more forgiving mood if he doesn't have to worry about your passenger Pablo coming up with a 9mm Glock from the back seat.
(e) Location. This goes closely with the safety rule above. Should you see those magical flashing lights in your rear view mirror, and can't pull over in a safe location immediately (i.e. no breakdown lane, or you're on an exit ramp for example)... stick your hand out of your window...give a thumbs up to the cop and point ahead to where you intend to pull over. This lets him know you're not ignoring him, and thus soothes the savage beast. And when you do pull over, move as far right as possible, so that when the officer is at your driver's side window, they'll be shielded from ongoing traffic. Remember, a happy, secure police officer can mean a forgiving, only-warning-giving police officer. And put your four way flashers on as well.
(e). Respect. Harsh truth kids. That officer at your window... whether or not it's a he or a she, whether or not he has pimples or she has little tits, whether or not he's good looking or her she walks with a limp, has the power to take that instrument of death strapped to their waist and start a blasting. They can take your license, your car, your freedom and if they feel so inclined your life. They have the ultimate power. Accept this. Treat them as such. Learn these phrases: Yes sir, No ma'am, Absolutely officer. Treat them with respect, and they'll treat you with respect. Most cops are NOT a**holes. And don't 'yes sir no sir' them to death -- that gets dry. If you think to yourself that you're starting to sound like a broken record, then guess what balloonhead, you probably are. In the ongoing war between speeding driver and ticketing cop, you've just been taken prisoner of war. And in this prison camp, all they serve is humble pie, so eat your slice. And if it's a female cop, eat an even bigger slice, because little girl cops don't get as much respect as little boy cops. So compensate for it.
(d) License and Registration. We've all watched Dragnet. We know what they're going to ask for. Shouldn't you have it ready? In a word... NO. Should you have them readily available where you can get them within five seconds of being asked for them? Yes. Should you have them ready? No. Why not? Because here's what happens -- right after you pull over, you lean over to the glove box on her passenger side and get your registration, like a good little driver. Here's what the cop sees -- as he pulls this person over, they lean over to their glove box for a few seconds and they sit back upright. Are they stashing some drugs? Getting a weapon? Hiding something? Hmmm. When the cop wants your paperwork, he'll ask for it. Have it readily available -- you shouldn't have to go searching through 37 Dunkin Donuts napkins, 4 oil change receipts, 7 pictures of your ex wife's tits and 19 used condoms to find it. And after you hand it to the cop... Both hands back on the steering wheel. Sudden grabs under your seat to get that quarter you dropped last week and HIGHLY discouraged.
(e) Passengers. Your job here is very simple. You play a game called, Shut the hell up, sit still, keep your hands on your lap, and speak only when spoken to by the officer.
(f) Playing Dumb? One word: Don't. Oh gee officer, I was passing everyone like they were standing still, I've left a pile of wrecked cars behind me, but I have no idea why you're pulling me over. >innocent blink< >innocent blink< Any excuse you can possibly come up with, trust me, that cop's already heard a dozen times already. (Granted, the one guy who intentionally sh*t his pants as he got pulled over, and then got out of the ticket by convincing the cop he had diarrhea, was rather resourceful). Don't piss the cop off by making then take the extra effort to explain why you're a dumbass. These excuses will not work: I'm late for work/doctor/pick kids up/whatever, I was going with the flow of traffic, You must be mistaken I wasn't driving 75mph, I thought the speed limit was 80, officer, Well *my friend* the town selectman said he was going to raise the speed limit on this road. Try to use them and your next excuse will be to your boss because you have to take time off work for traffic court. This excuse has the best chance of success: You're right officer; I was going a little fast. I was distracted and I can assure you it wasn't intentional and that it will not happen again. Not that aiming a 4,000 hunk of metal down the road while you fiddle with your radio stations is necessarily a good practice, but the cop will respect you for coming clean and not wasting his time by breaking his balls. Cops respect honesty. Not the "Well, I've had 18 beers and screw you too" type of honesty, but rather the well, you caught me, now what? honesty. Pretending you don't know the speed limit, or thought the speed limit was 5-10 miles over what it really is, or just driving as fast as everyone else -- ain't gonna get you **** sh*t. Trust me, trust me, trust me. You ain't fooling them. Best to spill the beans and hope to catch a break then to feed him a line of sh*t that's going to give him indigestion and make him irritable.
(g). Back To Their Car. This is perhaps the second most important part in not getting a speeding ticket. NEVER EVER EVER EVER let a cop take your license and registration back to his patrol car, without getting your explanation in first. NEVER EVER EVER. If the cop heads back to his car without hearing your side of the story first, then you have ZERO chance of catching a break. Nada. Zero. Zip Zilch. As you're handing your license/registration over to the cop, explain to him that you believe you know why he pulled you over, you were going a little fast, you were having a really good day, weren't paying attention, didn't mean it, won't happen again, you'll be a good little boy/girl. Even if the cop acts like he's not paying attention, believe me, they are. You just make sure he's heard your side of the story before he heads back to his cruiser to run your drivers license through and make sure you're not a wanted felon. Even if you only convince them a little bit, then you've at least got a little bit of chance to catch a break. Once the ticket's written it CAN NOT be ripped up. There is no 'take back' once their pen has touched the ticket form, because they're all serial numbered and every single one has to be accounted for. So you have to get them BEFORE they break out the Bic. Cops are not a**holes. Cops are human beings. EVERY cop gives someone a break form time to time. You do what you can to make sure you're one of those select few.
Part III. What do to if you're a balloonhead and get a speeding ticket
(a) So you tried to be as un-intimidating to the cop as possible, and still you wound up getting a ticket. Sucks to be you! Take comfort in the fact that since you were speeding you do deserve the ticket and the worst you can do is get what's coming to you. On the back of your ticket there's usually the part to fill out whether or not you want to plead guilty or not guilty. ALWAYS ALWAYS plead not guilty. NEVER EVER plead guilty. Why? Not because you're trying to bust balls. But at because every single traffic court I've ever been to, the prosecutor has ALWAYS been willing to bargain, in the interest of getting the matter settled quickly. Always. Just by showing up in court, you'll stand a good chance at getting the charges significantly reduced, if not dropped altogether. This also affords you the opportunity to speak with the prosecutor -- who is a human being and we all know human beings give people a break from time to time. Your chances are also significantly increased if you already have a clean driving record, and/or if you approach the prosecutor willing to make amends. Nobody wants this case to go to trial, so make sure it doesn't.
Kids, this is your Uncle Ernie talking here. And your Uncle Ernie's gonna do you a big favor. I'm going to share my years of wisdom and tell you how to get out of a speeding ticket. And trust me -- I know what works -- since starting to drive eleven years ago at the ripe old age of 17, I've been pulled over seventeen -- yes I say again seventeen -- times. Been issued only four tickets. Beat three of em. And the one I didn't beat? I was young and didn't know any better -- just mailed my check in like a dumb ass.
But first, as a preface, let me first speak to the lead footed speed happy engine banger who weaves in and out of traffic stomping on the gas pedal and wont let up until you hear glass and smell sh*t -- I hope you hit a tree and die. Slowly. Alone. In pain.
Let me now speak to the forty-six law enforcement officers on the list (and potentially more if there are any of you who haven't identified yourselves as such...). No, I'm not going to tell anyone to get some whiz bang Binford Radar Detector 9000, and try to pull some 'did you use your tuning fork on your radar gun' bullsh*t after you pull them over. Quite the contrary, you'll see. I'm sure that should you pull over someone who follows all of my guidelines, you'll more then likely let them off with a warning.
I am speaking to the majority of us. The casual every day driver who assumes that a 55 mile per hour speed limit means you can do 65, and the as long as I'm driving with the flow of traffic I'm ok, kind of driver. Because let's be honest, nobody ever does exactly the speed limit anymore.
I'm going to present this wonderful article in five parts.
I. How to not get pulled over for speeding - by avoiding the problem, we render the need to weasel out of a speeding ticket unnecessary, right?
II. How to react in case you do get pulled over for speeding - what are the do's and don'ts when under the prying eyes of Officer Friendly.
III. What do to if you're a balloonhead and get a speeding ticket - loser. But not all is lost, as you can still minimize the damage.
IV. Miscellaneous tidbits - Random factoids and suggestions that don't fit anywhere else.
V. Case Studies - Some of the more memorable times I've been pulled over and what's worked and what hasn't worked
Part I. How to not get pulled over for speeding.
(a). Well, the Captain Obvious answer he is simple -- don't speed. With highway speeding tickets at 65 mph in almost all states, there's really no need to -- you can easily cruise along at 70mph and not a cop in sight will bother you. Late for work? Leave earlier. Gotta get to the store before it closes? Leave earlier. Trying to make good time on that trip to go see mom and dad? Think of how much time you'll lose when you're in your holding cell getting your buttery corn hole gang raped by a bunch of drunk bikers. And if you want to speed through a residential area? Just don't. PERIOD. That's just stupid. My father's a truck driver and by proxy, an excellent driving teacher (also taught me the in's and out's of swearing...trust me when I say he's a good teacher). He always taught me to drive through residential areas like some drooling kid is going to leap out from behind every parked car and chase down his bouncing red ball. I've been driving for ten years, and I STILL follow that rule. Places where people live, work, go to school, and play, are off limits to the zoom-zoom driver. Period. The two or three minutes you might save by hitting light speed through the back roads, as compared to the amount of time you'll spend in jail for running over little Drooling Johnny is *nothing*. If whoever is waiting for you can't stand you being two or three minutes late... then forget em.
(b). Radar Detectors. Useless. Junk. Ka-ka. Nothing but electronic gadgetry designed to give you a false sense of security. I've been pulled over more times with a radar detector, then without. I finally ended up giving it away to my brother, because I didn't want it anymore. For starters, let me first introduce you to instant on or pulse radar, and then to laser guns (LIDAR). Each of which by the time you detect them... Officer Friendly is already filling out your speeding ticket. Radar Detectors make you feel like you're the baddest mf'er out there. They make you feel like you can drive balls to the wall because you've got a clean signal. Clean signal? Well, tell me just how clean your shorts are when you get those flashing lights in your rear view mirror. Pulse radar, laser, even helicopters that track your speed by those white lines marked on the highway all render your snazzy new radar detector virtually useless. And when you do get pulled over, and you do have those bright LEDs and beeping tones when the officer walks up to your window... YOU try and convince him you were speeding by accident.
(c). Your eyes. Are the best radar/laser/cop/accident/hazard detectors you have. Keep your eyes open. Watch the sides of the road for cars pulled over. Watch you rear view mirror for those familiar headlights of the Crown Victoria, LTD, Caprice Classic. (If your state uses other unmarked police cars like Mass does -- you're screwed -- good luck). Early Warning Radar -- watch for brake lights coming on the cars that are ahead of you -- what do they see that you don't? Besides, you want to ease up off you speed when approaching a car on the side of the road anyway, because Drooling Johnny could be chasing a spare tire. Also watch for other passenger vehicles driving towards you, which are flashing their headlights. They're trying to warn you about something ahead -- maybe something in the road, accident ... or a cop running radar from the bushes.
(d) Flow of traffic. Think that you're invulnerable just because you're driving with the flow of traffic? Well, my answer to this is simple and was most eloquently described in a fishing joke. Cop pulls a guy over for speeding, whose defense was, I was just going with the flow of traffic. Cop's response... Ever go fishing? -- Yeah -- Ever catch ALL the fish? -- Catch my drift? The “I was going with the flow of traffic defense doesn't work. More on that later.
(e) Lane choice. Simple. Left lane bad. Middle lane good. Right lane bad (unless there's no middle lane, in that case right lane good). Cops running radar on the side of the road will hit the outer lanes first. Besides the middle lane drive at a more reasonable pace, so see rule 1A above.
Part II. How to react in case you do get pulled over for speeding
(a) 90% of the cops out there are NOT a**holes.
(b) 90% of the cops out there are NOT a**holes.
(c) Let me say this one more time... Cops are not a**holes. If one has pulled you over? Guess what dumb ****, you deserved to be pulled over. You were speeding. This whole, I wasn't speeding you must have measured someone else excuse? Bullsh*t. Your radar readings were off because I was too close to high power lines. Donkey Dumplings. The purpose of a cop on traffic duty is not to arbitrarily bust the balls of anyone doing 56 in a 55 zone. The purpose of a cop on traffic duty is not to blindly sweep the broadsword of justice in an attempt top raise revenue for his town. The purpose of a cop on traffic duty is to keep the a**holes who do drive their cars like nut jobs from smashing into the vehicles filled with our moms, dads, wives, husbands, and children. If a cop pulls you over, there's a reason. Don't be a piece of sh*t and deny it, because you're only kidding yourself. Bottom line was you WERE speeding. Be it by 5, 15, or 500 miles an hour, you were speeding. So shut the hell up and take your medicine.
(d) Cops Safety. This is the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR. I can NOT stress this enough. How many times have we seen those police video clips where a cop pulls over a car for a burned out taillight, goes up to the driver's side window and gets shot 4,295 times by the wacked out drug delirious **** wad behind the wheel? Lots of times? Well guess what... so have the cops. If you are unlucky enough to get pulled over, one of the best things you can do in your defense, is to let the officer know you're not a threat to him. Before he approaches your window... have BOTH hands on the wheel where he can see them. Turn your radio off. Have anyone in the car with you put their hands in a visible position. If there's a pair of cops, one approaching each side of your car, put BOTH windows down. If its night time, turn your interior lights on. If your windows are tinted, lower ALL your windows. If it's raining and you're going to get your imported Italian sheepskin leather seats wet -- too bad. The cop's going to be in a much more forgiving mood if he doesn't have to worry about your passenger Pablo coming up with a 9mm Glock from the back seat.
(e) Location. This goes closely with the safety rule above. Should you see those magical flashing lights in your rear view mirror, and can't pull over in a safe location immediately (i.e. no breakdown lane, or you're on an exit ramp for example)... stick your hand out of your window...give a thumbs up to the cop and point ahead to where you intend to pull over. This lets him know you're not ignoring him, and thus soothes the savage beast. And when you do pull over, move as far right as possible, so that when the officer is at your driver's side window, they'll be shielded from ongoing traffic. Remember, a happy, secure police officer can mean a forgiving, only-warning-giving police officer. And put your four way flashers on as well.
(e). Respect. Harsh truth kids. That officer at your window... whether or not it's a he or a she, whether or not he has pimples or she has little tits, whether or not he's good looking or her she walks with a limp, has the power to take that instrument of death strapped to their waist and start a blasting. They can take your license, your car, your freedom and if they feel so inclined your life. They have the ultimate power. Accept this. Treat them as such. Learn these phrases: Yes sir, No ma'am, Absolutely officer. Treat them with respect, and they'll treat you with respect. Most cops are NOT a**holes. And don't 'yes sir no sir' them to death -- that gets dry. If you think to yourself that you're starting to sound like a broken record, then guess what balloonhead, you probably are. In the ongoing war between speeding driver and ticketing cop, you've just been taken prisoner of war. And in this prison camp, all they serve is humble pie, so eat your slice. And if it's a female cop, eat an even bigger slice, because little girl cops don't get as much respect as little boy cops. So compensate for it.
(d) License and Registration. We've all watched Dragnet. We know what they're going to ask for. Shouldn't you have it ready? In a word... NO. Should you have them readily available where you can get them within five seconds of being asked for them? Yes. Should you have them ready? No. Why not? Because here's what happens -- right after you pull over, you lean over to the glove box on her passenger side and get your registration, like a good little driver. Here's what the cop sees -- as he pulls this person over, they lean over to their glove box for a few seconds and they sit back upright. Are they stashing some drugs? Getting a weapon? Hiding something? Hmmm. When the cop wants your paperwork, he'll ask for it. Have it readily available -- you shouldn't have to go searching through 37 Dunkin Donuts napkins, 4 oil change receipts, 7 pictures of your ex wife's tits and 19 used condoms to find it. And after you hand it to the cop... Both hands back on the steering wheel. Sudden grabs under your seat to get that quarter you dropped last week and HIGHLY discouraged.
(e) Passengers. Your job here is very simple. You play a game called, Shut the hell up, sit still, keep your hands on your lap, and speak only when spoken to by the officer.
(f) Playing Dumb? One word: Don't. Oh gee officer, I was passing everyone like they were standing still, I've left a pile of wrecked cars behind me, but I have no idea why you're pulling me over. >innocent blink< >innocent blink< Any excuse you can possibly come up with, trust me, that cop's already heard a dozen times already. (Granted, the one guy who intentionally sh*t his pants as he got pulled over, and then got out of the ticket by convincing the cop he had diarrhea, was rather resourceful). Don't piss the cop off by making then take the extra effort to explain why you're a dumbass. These excuses will not work: I'm late for work/doctor/pick kids up/whatever, I was going with the flow of traffic, You must be mistaken I wasn't driving 75mph, I thought the speed limit was 80, officer, Well *my friend* the town selectman said he was going to raise the speed limit on this road. Try to use them and your next excuse will be to your boss because you have to take time off work for traffic court. This excuse has the best chance of success: You're right officer; I was going a little fast. I was distracted and I can assure you it wasn't intentional and that it will not happen again. Not that aiming a 4,000 hunk of metal down the road while you fiddle with your radio stations is necessarily a good practice, but the cop will respect you for coming clean and not wasting his time by breaking his balls. Cops respect honesty. Not the "Well, I've had 18 beers and screw you too" type of honesty, but rather the well, you caught me, now what? honesty. Pretending you don't know the speed limit, or thought the speed limit was 5-10 miles over what it really is, or just driving as fast as everyone else -- ain't gonna get you **** sh*t. Trust me, trust me, trust me. You ain't fooling them. Best to spill the beans and hope to catch a break then to feed him a line of sh*t that's going to give him indigestion and make him irritable.
(g). Back To Their Car. This is perhaps the second most important part in not getting a speeding ticket. NEVER EVER EVER EVER let a cop take your license and registration back to his patrol car, without getting your explanation in first. NEVER EVER EVER. If the cop heads back to his car without hearing your side of the story first, then you have ZERO chance of catching a break. Nada. Zero. Zip Zilch. As you're handing your license/registration over to the cop, explain to him that you believe you know why he pulled you over, you were going a little fast, you were having a really good day, weren't paying attention, didn't mean it, won't happen again, you'll be a good little boy/girl. Even if the cop acts like he's not paying attention, believe me, they are. You just make sure he's heard your side of the story before he heads back to his cruiser to run your drivers license through and make sure you're not a wanted felon. Even if you only convince them a little bit, then you've at least got a little bit of chance to catch a break. Once the ticket's written it CAN NOT be ripped up. There is no 'take back' once their pen has touched the ticket form, because they're all serial numbered and every single one has to be accounted for. So you have to get them BEFORE they break out the Bic. Cops are not a**holes. Cops are human beings. EVERY cop gives someone a break form time to time. You do what you can to make sure you're one of those select few.
Part III. What do to if you're a balloonhead and get a speeding ticket
(a) So you tried to be as un-intimidating to the cop as possible, and still you wound up getting a ticket. Sucks to be you! Take comfort in the fact that since you were speeding you do deserve the ticket and the worst you can do is get what's coming to you. On the back of your ticket there's usually the part to fill out whether or not you want to plead guilty or not guilty. ALWAYS ALWAYS plead not guilty. NEVER EVER plead guilty. Why? Not because you're trying to bust balls. But at because every single traffic court I've ever been to, the prosecutor has ALWAYS been willing to bargain, in the interest of getting the matter settled quickly. Always. Just by showing up in court, you'll stand a good chance at getting the charges significantly reduced, if not dropped altogether. This also affords you the opportunity to speak with the prosecutor -- who is a human being and we all know human beings give people a break from time to time. Your chances are also significantly increased if you already have a clean driving record, and/or if you approach the prosecutor willing to make amends. Nobody wants this case to go to trial, so make sure it doesn't.