xLSTONEx
10-25-2007, 03:08 AM
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane,
but only a high school diploma to fix one .
Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe
sheet,'
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then
pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots
(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an
accident
__________________________________________________ ____________________
___________________
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
___________________
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
___________________
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
__________________________________________________ ____________________
___________________
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
___________________
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
___________________
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
___________________
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
___________________
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
___________________
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
___________________
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
___________________
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
___________________
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
___________________
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
___________________
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
___________________
And the best one for last.................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
but only a high school diploma to fix one .
Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe
sheet,'
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then
pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots
(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an
accident
__________________________________________________ ____________________
___________________
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
___________________
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
___________________
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
__________________________________________________ ____________________
___________________
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
___________________
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
___________________
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
___________________
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
___________________
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
___________________
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
___________________
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
___________________
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
___________________
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
___________________
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
___________________
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
___________________
And the best one for last.................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget