boosted1jz
07-19-2005, 02:31 PM
Just when you thought Wal-Mart Didn't have it all!
"Walmart" diagnosis
One day, in line at a company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him,
"My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.
"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-mart. Just give it a urine
sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do
about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars... a lot cheaper than
a doctor."
So Joe puts a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-mart.
He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the
urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis
elbow. Soak it in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will
improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-mart.
That afternoon, while thinking how amazing this new technology was,
Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. When he got
home, he mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples
from his wife and daughter and his own sperm sample for good measure,
and hurried to Wal-mart before it closed, eager to check the results.
He deposited ten dollars, poured in his concoction, and awaited the
results.
The computer lights up, and ten seconds later prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener kit. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4 Your wife is pregnant, Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get
better.
Thank you for shopping @ Wal-mart !
"Walmart" diagnosis
One day, in line at a company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him,
"My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.
"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-mart. Just give it a urine
sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do
about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars... a lot cheaper than
a doctor."
So Joe puts a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-mart.
He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the
urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis
elbow. Soak it in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will
improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-mart.
That afternoon, while thinking how amazing this new technology was,
Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. When he got
home, he mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples
from his wife and daughter and his own sperm sample for good measure,
and hurried to Wal-mart before it closed, eager to check the results.
He deposited ten dollars, poured in his concoction, and awaited the
results.
The computer lights up, and ten seconds later prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener kit. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4 Your wife is pregnant, Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get
better.
Thank you for shopping @ Wal-mart !