PDA

View Full Version : SUMMER POEM...



BABY J
08-20-2007, 12:17 PM
I am kinda sensitive about my craft - but I want to know what you guys think about this. I wrote this over the last few summers and I finally got it finished.

Sammich
08-20-2007, 12:22 PM
shits got potential dude..i've never written a more true heart warming poem in my life..definitely better maya angelou

81911SC
08-20-2007, 12:24 PM
I like the wide vocabulary and use of stentance structure. The underlying meaning is a nice touch as well. Overall great story, Mr. Frost.

BABY J
08-20-2007, 12:34 PM
** whew **

I was beginning to think that younger audiences would not understand all the play on words... and maybe my delivery was a bit slow. But those are the chances that we artists take when we live on the edge.

Sammich
08-20-2007, 12:40 PM
u must live on the edge, u must
if u dnt u will live, in the dust

Ran
08-20-2007, 12:41 PM
Required Reading Grades 4-6

BABY J
08-20-2007, 12:43 PM
My next poem is entitled: "George Bush and Paris Hilton"

and the poem reads:

"Ummmm. No."

It's for a more mature audience.

Sammich
08-20-2007, 12:44 PM
i cnt wait to read that one or even the winter poem ur going to have comin out..u r goin to have one right?

BABY J
08-20-2007, 12:51 PM
Yeah - winter poem reads:

"OMG! STFU! GTFO"

Sammich
08-20-2007, 12:52 PM
now thats deeper than pamela andersons....

RISKYB
08-20-2007, 04:39 PM
damn good, i agree

BABY J
08-20-2007, 08:17 PM
:)

BluesClues
08-20-2007, 08:22 PM
Just wow! That's some deep shit dude. Like it took me a minute. I had to get deep into thought and see how I could relate this to my life at the moment in order to understand. Way deeper than that shit they have you read in school

amberghini
08-20-2007, 09:18 PM
I really like the imagery, it helps the reader visualize the poem. Great play on words too. You've found your calling.

BABY J
08-21-2007, 08:28 AM
Thanx every1 for the support. I am gonna write a movie script next to expand on my skillset.

1st scene:

Blues Clues naked

* enter J'son, naked *

* kissing, rubbing, moaning *

fade to black

2nd Scene:

Blues smoking a cigarette w/ fucked up hair and a smile.

** roll credits **